#April2014
Double Fine’s ‘HACK N’ SLASH’ Trailer: Link Goes Zero Cool?
This next game from Double Fine has snuck the fuck up on me. Like, in the sense that I had never heard of it until today. But it looks…gnarly enough? Something like Legend of Zelda meets Hackers? I’m game! I just don’t know…What I’m game for.
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DOUBLE FINE getting into indie games publishing; starting with ‘ESCAPE GOAT 2.’
Double Fine ain’t just going to hang around as a gaming industry darling, Kickstarting games to radical levels of funding. They ain’t just going to pubish those games to applause, Internet hand jobs, et cetera. The company is also going to go GOOD GUY PUBLISHER MODE and begin helping to get indie games out. Starting with Escape Goat 2.
GAME DEVELOPER SUPERGROUP teases ‘FIREWATCH.’
There ain’t enough game developer supergroups. Probably because like ever game costs three-zillion dollars, and most developers are caged away at their respective companies. However, Camp Santo definitely is one. And their first game has been teased Just a lil’ taste. A sniff. A glance.
Press Start: Suda Horny, Michael
The world of video games is an industry powered by the inane grins of fuckwitts flailing to Just Dance and the sweaty wank-palms of teens prestiging for the nineteenth time on Black Ops II. Occasionally though, this fecal assembly line spews out the odd gem, inspires the odd moment of creativity and even showcases some of the most inventive minds working today. I guess, on the whole, it isn’t quite so bad. Perhaps I should put my cynicism aside. “What’s that? Assassin’s Creed with pirates? You mean the only decent mechanic in the entire of Ass Creed III was simply to test the market for the next title?” Excuse me whilst I wretch over the starboard bow. No wonder I’m so cynical. Before I hurt someone, here’s a round-up of the less-shit things that happened in gaming this week.
Press Start: Cave exploring on digital acid
Hello friends, and welcome to another edition of Press Start! For the uninitiated: this is a gathering of stories from the world of video games. I try to pick amusing, or over-looked stories that you perhaps haven’t managed to read because you were so overwhelmed by the amount of map pack release announcements or touching human interest stories about daddy and son waiting in line to pick up their Wii U. It’s enough to make a man sick, isn’t it?
Press Start: British Turkey God Edition
I’ve not slept much this week. I’ve been consumed by thoughts of an imagined reality. I’ve been filling in the gaps, if you will: fleshing-out video game lore with some disturbing possibilities. Imagine the horror of being an animal trapped inside one of Dr. Robotnik’s murderous cybernetic shells: trained upon killing your only potential savior and being powerless to stop yourself. You try to resist, but the mechanical death-suit overpowers you: contorting and forcing your limbs into committing unspeakable acts.
You gaze downwards in horror at your blood-washed metallic hands: feeding tubes sustain your existence and damn you to a perpetual waking nightmare. As you gaze in horror at Sonic’s desecrated entrails, the suit gives you just long enough to truly absorb the horror of it all, then it contorts your limbs once again: wrenching your frail body towards an even darker purpose. Now you know that your family will die at your own hand.
Double Fine Adventure Kickstarter Ends With $3+ Million Raised. Community High-Five!
Tim Schafer and the rest of Double Fine have a considerable amount of money to work with. Through their record-breaking Kickstarter they raised over $3 million, far surpassing the $400,000 they were aiming for.
Tim Schafer’s ‘Adventure’ Game Destroys Kickstarter Records.
Tim Schafer and Double Fine took to Kickstarter to fund a new point-and-click adventure, and in doing so they’ve shattered everything in their wake. Most backers and money pledged in a 24 hour period. Ever.
Brutal Legend Demo Is An Axe To The Face
When I heard that the Brutal Legend demo was available to people who pre-ordered the game at Gamestop, I got my uncleansed ass to the store today. I threw down five dollars and giddily stared at the download bar as I penetrated my 360 hard drive with metal thunder.
God damn.
Brutal Legend looks to be a handjob to every metal geek like my friends and myself. I generally don’t play demos, since I like to keep things virgin. Like I was, for twenty-five years. But I couldn’t help it. Like Keanu Reeves in The Matrix, it seems like this is the shit Jack Black was born to play. The demo throws enough ridiculous shit at the metal head in fifteen minutes to leave them panting over their Anthrax collection. Swinging huge axes, the typical Hot Topic metal chick, and electrocuting people with a Flying V guitar.
All of this would be just another sloppy homage if it weren’t for the fact that the gameplay seems to deliver. Mastermind behind it Tim Schafer throws the kitchen sink at you. You have metal-Zelda gameplay, driving a god damn hotrod, and some Prince of Persia style teaming-up with said Hot Topic chick.
And then to close it off, they preview the rest of the game while blasting Three Inches of Blood’s song “Deadly Sinners”. What sort of homo would like a 3IOB song blaring while a trailer plays? Someone like me, who rocked out to them to the point that I named my WoW guild after them.
The line starts behind me to give Schafer a blow-job.
