Marvel is on a goddamn character killing spree. They offed a member of the Fantastic Four, they’re promising to kill Spider-Man. They’re not stopping there though! No sir. According to Bleeding Cool, at “the ComicsPro retailer summit, David Gabriel, Senior Vice President of Sales at Marvel Comics has announced that as a result of the Fantastic Four sales and media coverage, Marvel are going to kill a main character every quarter.”

Well then! The death of the Fantastic Four member was one of the most emotional sequences in recent memory. Why it worked was because of how well Hickman built the entire storyline up to that moment, and then how well he executed the moment. If everything is as well done as that storyline, god fucking bless them. However, color me accordingly skeptical.

Remember last week when Previews teased the OMFG DEATH OF SPIDER-MAN last week? Well, new details have begun to trickle out about it. For starters, the son of a bitch takes place in the Ultimate universe. Which is a good thing, since while I snag a few titles from over in their alternate reality, it doesn’t excite me like it used to. Also, the entire endeavor is being overseen by Brian Marvel Bendis and Mark Swear Words Are Awesome! Millar. The storyline kicks off in February in Ultimate Spidey #153, then follows through into Ultimate Avengers vs. New Ultimates #1 (groan), while continuing through both titles during the month.

Five years ago, this would have excited me to pieces. Now I’m just weary. Good thing for me, both Brian Michael Bendis and Mark Millar are annoyingly hyperbolic as ever.

Comics Alliance:

“This is the biggest, boldest thing we’ve attempted in the ten years since we kicked this line off,” said Millar. “This is the one thing that could be bigger than the CREATION of the Ultimate line and it’s great to be a part of it. Being part of something like this is a once in a lifetime opportunity and soon you’ll all get to read the story we’ve written for you, This should be up there with the very small number of events that really mattered. This is going to be big.”

I don’t expect him to not be completely excited. Especially since it’s Mark Millar, and he super-hypes everything. So why wouldn’t he hype the hell out of this? But it’s hard to get super jazzed about anything predicated around THE DEATH OF CHARACTER X. At least for me. Right?

Are you like me? Still not jazzed? Brian Michael Bendis up in your house!

Comics Alliance:

“As a group and as individuals we have made a conscious effort to create stories this year that no one has ever seen before… I am very, very proud to be a part of this storyline and very proud of Marvel for even attempting such a bold endeavor. Sit back and watch as we unveil a storyline unlike any other!!”

A storyline like any other? Oh, you mean a status-quo destroying storyline that features the death of a character? Jesus Christ, that’s new and exciting. I’m being a bitter dick. I know I am. Underneath it all, with two big names behind it, I am going to check it out of of nothing other than curiosity.

Also, although I only really enjoy Bendis’ for his work on Scarlet at the moment, and I checked out of Mark Millar’s retarded adolescent fantasies when he decided to have one gay character of his involuntarily rape his own sister (no, I’m serious, that’s from the piece of refuse that is Nemesis), at one point in my life they were two of my favorite writers. So when Bendis isn’t stretched completely thin, and Mark Millar isn’t devolving into a shock jock bullshit satire of himself, I love the two of them.

So I guess I’m excited?

Thoughts?

Oh god dammit. February solicitations in Previews have the teaser: Death of Spider-Man. I can’t wait for a big character in the DC and Marvel Universe living to become the New Black. Everyone will be shitting themselves, “Dude, I can’t believe they fucking let Steve Rogers live!, it was insane!” I’m tired of motherfuckers dying. Steve Rogers, Bruce Wayne, it looks like Matt Murdock and on and on. ‘Cause guess what! Them fucks come back! Every time. Now it’s Peter Parker’s turn to die. Yawn. Snore. Wake me up.

Prediction: I’m hoping that Marvel isn’t annoying enough to kill off Parker. They’re just going to have to resurrect him prior to his movie coming out. So instead, they’ll probably and maybe, and sort of go with the equally annoying metaphorical death. Parker may give up the costume again. For the zillionth time. Of course. He’ll get all emo and decide he wants to tour Haiti or something and help with the cholera outbreak. Or maybe, it’s just a bullshit teaser and nothing will come of it.

Conclusion: I’m pretty sure whatever they decide, it’ll be stupid. Overblown. Hype.

Thoughts? Impressions? Equally resigned laments as myself? Hit the comments box.