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Well! Sign me the fuck up! Slap a sticker on my tits that reads “Fucking Sold, Thrice Over.” The tale of Hellboy’s tail and his first mission (completely unnecessary punning? if this that a pun?) is coming to comic book pages, and it is stacked with talent. Not just because it’s story a by Mike Mignola and John Arcudi. No ma’am. No sir. The title is also getting artwork from Alex fucking Maleev.

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Double-dipping on the Star Wars news today. Sorry! Sry. Gomen ne. Word has come down that Disney is doing the obvious — namely giving Marvel the license to Star Wars comics. A bit of a no brainer, considering that The Anti-Semite Mouse owns the House of Ideas.

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So you might be wondering why the hell a nearly 20-year-old film about cartoons and basketball is headlining this column about weekly comic books.  You might then also wonder how the hell 20 years have gone by so fast.  And why hasn’t there been a sequel…ya know, with Lebron and Jason Sudeikis in the lead roles?  This would lead you to then ask yourself if you could write the script.  Concluding that it is either you or no one else, you then set out to do so.  You hit up tumblr for some reference material on Looney Tunes.  You quickly spiral down the rabbit hole of ALL OF THE BUTTS WONDERLAND, emerging days later, pants around ankles, achy, groggy.  Your unfinished (unstarted) script gives you the stinkeye with its ever-blinking cursor.  You realize where the 20 years have gone.

Hit the jump and let’s pass the time between tumblr sessions, talk funnybooks, bond as humans.

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Hey, kids!  So it’s Wednesday, and I assume we’ve all calmed down after flipping our collective shits from the pop-culture orgy/last-train-to-nowhere that is the VMAs.  I’m old, and pop music gets me all kinds of jaded, but the VMAs still managed to teach me a lesson:  America THRIVES on nostalgia, even nostalgia that isn’t even 20 years old (see the above pic).  I, myself, am currently gushing over an “event” book that, when boiled down to its essentials, is nothing more than a comic scientifically engineered to tickle my 12-year-old pickle.  Thanos is my Justin Timberlake.  N’Sync are my Infinity Gems.  Comic books, particularly superhero ones, are every bit as nostalgic and regressive as the boy-bands and teen vixens of pop music.  So while I scoff at the proles going batshit over 10 year old hooks sang by grown men with receding hair lines trying their damndest to recreate moves no thirtysomething should have to attempt (looking at you Fat One), I massage my own nostalgia-boner to pretty pictures of ageless Avengers saddling up for one last ride into the aether in a story not quite called Infinity Gauntlet 2:  The Soich For More Money, but may as well be.

Say my name!  “Hypocrite.”  You’re goddamned right.

So hit the jump and let’s get nostalgic, shall we?

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Johnny Hotsauce here! Longtime listener, first time caller. Or whatever. So I did it! I incepted myself into Caff-Pow’s brain, convinced him it was time to let me bother you nice folks in a more official capacity. (Basically I just drew my face on a can of Kickstarter, stuck it in his mind-safe when he was busy looking at butts on Tumblr)

With the dawn of the digital-age of comic books, Comixology has, in many cases, done away with our need to go to the comic book store. But, as Caff-Pow has so lamented before, something feels amiss. Where, now, is the camaraderie? Where can we go to talk comics? Where can we shoot the four-color-fantastic with like-minded geeks? Who will be there to help us decide how to spend our hard-earned coin? HERE. Right here at OL, friends. Here is our chance to talk shop, compare notes on the best comics this week has to offer. This column has too long lay dormant, but like any comic book hero you ever loved, death is no obstacle.

So, without further preamble, let’s do the damned thing! (And I’m on a budget here, people, so if I don’t mention your most beloved book, I implore you to speak up in the comments and share your love!)

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Hey friends! It’s time. Time to make the comic book list. I am endeavoring to craft this list amid a steady stream of flu-powered sweat dribbling down my dapper dome. Wipe, wipe, wipe my brow and then I continue soldiering on. Though I may be sickened even as tomorrow falls, I’ll take respite in knowing that I shall be sweating my grimy paws over some new funny books. Consider this my shamanistic powwow. I will share the titles that I hope shall pull me through my delirium. You follow up this vision quest by dropping the titles that you have staked out this week.

Don’t know what’s dropping?  Hit up ComicList.

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Brian Wood’s next magnum opus is The Massive.  Rafael Grampa is a favorite artist of us here at OL. Combining the two of them together in a variant cover for the debut issue is almost too much.

Hit the jump to check it out.

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The name is the game! Welcome to Comics We’re Buying This Week, the communal comic book welcome wagon where we all share the hotness we’re snagging from the funny book farm on a given Wednesday. Per usual: my taste is shite, and I’m always looking to broaden my horizons. Don’t know what’s dropping? Behold ComicList.

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Brandon Graham’s debuting The Speaker  in ‘Dark Horse Presents #7’, and the world is a better place for it.

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