It’s summer, friends. That can only mean one thing. It’s time for people to shed their long-legged genital containers in lieu of something sexier. More airy. Let the wind-flow, to at least attempt to keep the uncomfortable grime from building up against their sex-parts. ‘Cause while you may have your fetish, I don’t like being tongue-deep in testiclelabial grime when I’m pleasin’ my mates across the Universes.

Some will wear skirts. Some will wear kilts. Some will wear shorts. All of those errant people are incorrect. There is only one path to true ultimate power. Only one path to true ultimate enlightenment. You see, wearing Jorts isn’t just about being comfortable. And sexy. Though it is about both. It’s about the very Fate of Our Universes.

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Well isn’t this neat! Ain’t nothing like being in the middle of a protest, or you know, a Nickleback concert when all of a sudden The Man shuts down your ability to document something very gnarly. Like all ill-nasty Chad Kroeger solo. Right? I mean, that’s all we have to worry about.

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Goddamn Info Warriors! To arms! The Illuminati Police Fascist State writhes against us! Time is that we shall need to don mind-cloaks and rally against them. Know that you are not alone. One such Truth Bastion is refusing to wear an RFID tag at her high school, and now she is facing expulsion. To arms! To arms! Something!

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You can take the Louis C.K. out of obscurity, but you can’t take the common man out of his soul. That’s…that’s how the saying goes, right? Duder is ripping off an HBO special soon, and he has pledged to drop that hotness on our asses for $5 a couple of months after it airs. This is fantastic.

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