#January2015
Microsoft killing off Internet Explorer, replacing it with “Spartan.”
Fuck Internet Explorer! Yeah! I ain’t used that since 1994, and that was just so I could download Netscape. And I been using that browser since! But man, maybe I’ll get back into the Microsoft browser game. Crazier things have happened. I thought I had sworn off snorting frozen Mountain Dew shards and…here we are. Gutted nostrils and crying loved ones. Whatever.
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MICROSOFT’S “SIRI” EQUIVALENT IS CALLED “CORTANA.” ARE THE BLUE JUB JUBS INCLUDED?
Yeahhh! Pig alert! I can’t help it (Yes I can, I’m just a piece of shit.) I want to swerve my swizzle stick all around Master Chief’s blue-bummed aid’s ass. Or something. What am I even talking about? So tired. Oh yeah! Being attracted to polygons. Cortana. Yum yum. Microsoft must know that I’m not alone, because they’re calling their Siri equivalent “Cortana.”
‘HALO 4’ GAMEPLAY TRAILER: What is old is new again?
Maybe it’s because I’ve taken a few years off from the franchise, coupled with a new dev team, but I’m fucking excited for Halo 4. Am I the only one? Who doesn’t want to dress their significant other up as Cortana and rub maple syrup over their boobs or balls? I mean, really? How does that tie into the trailer? Shut up.
‘HALO 4’ DETAILS: Cortana Is Dying, Forerunners, And More.
Take this batch of Halo 4 information upside your head. Take it! It’s full of details, the Forerunners, and Cortana pulling her buttcheeks apart and downloading the Universe into her soul.
First Look: CORTANA From ‘HALO 4’, Or: BLUE JUBJUBS.
Game Informer is going to be rolling out a Halo 4 rub-and-tug this month, and they’ve dropped the cover ahead of time. It features franchise fixture Cortana looking all sorts of blue and seductive.
Hit the jump to check her out.
