#May2014
New ‘GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY’ POSTER is a smidge too serious; NEW TRAILER MONDAY
Here’s a new Guardians of the Galaxy poster, which is clearly attempting to appeal to douchebags who aren’t immediately sold on ass-kicking sentient trees. I mean, all that serious posing! Goodness! Gracious. Eh, whatever. New trailer on Monday, so there’s that to get excited about!
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Channing Tatum confirmed as GAMBIT for ‘X-MEN’ movies.
Channing Tatum is Gambit. Yeah, sooo. I don’t really know what to feel. I like Channing Tatum. I generally hate Gambit. The casting of one as the other confuses me. But whatever. #YOLO #MonAmi #WritingInDialectSucks
REG E. CATHEY cast in ‘FANTASTIC FOUR’ as Dr. Franklin Storm.
Fantastic Four has found its fantastically stormy father of Sue and Johnny. Does that sentence make sense? What is sense, anyways? Let’s drink! Seriously though, cool news. Reg E. Cathey has been cast as Dr. Franklin Storm.
Rumor: MATT DAMON for AQUAMAN in ‘JUSTICE LEAGUE’
*Insert innumerable jokes about Batman and Aquaman talking to each other in Boston accents. Asking each other how they like apples. Maybe combing Robin Williams’ beard. Final sentence ends the post with shot at Zack Snyder and all the creative powers that be at DC Entertainment.*
‘THE WINTER SOLDIER’ becomes Highest Grossing April Release. Ever.
I’ve seen The Winter Soldier three times. I don’t just like it. It’s a bit more intense than that. No lie: I’ve commissioned a Falcon/Bucky double-ended dildo that I intend on fitting into myself while holding my custom made Captain America Hitachi on my nipples during my first Blu-Ray viewing. Apparently they don’t let you do that in theaters because they hate fun. So fuck yeah!, I’m excited that it’s April’s highest grossing movie ever.
CYBORG cast in ‘BATMAN VS. SUPERMAN.’ So, this is ‘JUSTICE LEAGUE’, right?
Okay, yeah. You can call it whatever you want. Man of Douche 2. Batman vs. Superman. World’s Finest. I’m calling it – at best – Justice League. Or I’m calling it – at worst – Snyder and Goyer have no idea how to build a Universe.
Kevin Feige on how ‘ANT-MAN’ influenced ‘THE AVENGERS.’
Shh. Can you hear that? It’s subsonic vibrations vomiting down the Omnipresent Now, hinting at the reality that fucking Edgar Wright is doing an Ant-Man movie. In case you forgot. ‘Cause it’s easy to let things slip out of our meat-skulls with the relentless pop culture news cycle. But word, Ant-Man is coming folks, and here is how the movie that ain’t arrived yet influenced The Avengers.
FOX & SONY: ANNOUNCE ALL THE COMIC BOOK F**KING SPIN-OFF MOVIES
Yeah so these two posts came up today. But I didn’t get to them! And lord fucking knows they ain’t getting their own individual posts. They’re getting post-based bunk beds! They can talk to one another. Awkwardly masturbate for the first time while splitting a room. Tell each other their hopes and dreams as they slip off into slumber. I don’t even know what the fuck I’m saying. Anyways.
The X-Men and Spider-Man companies announced a shit load of spin-off movies.
New ‘GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY’ Stills: Dat Group Pose
Fuck-to-the-Yes! It’s been a week since Bucky and His Robo-Arm fisted my geek prostate! Which can mean only one thing for this pop culture whore. I’m staring at the Guardians of the Galaxy release date with fervor. On to the next one, on to the next one. Here to tide you and me over are a couple of new stills from the latest Entertainment Commercial Propaganda Rag.
WATCH: ‘GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY’ Clip: Star-Lord ain’t got time for this
Not content with completely dominating my geek prostate (and truth be told probably my actual prostate) with Winter Soldier, Marvel has issued out into the Ether a new Guardians of the Galaxy clip. Some new footage. Some old footage. Same burning want in me loins.
