It’s Monday.

Driving to work this morning, I saw a BMW pulled over in the breakdown lane. Hazards flashing. Black smoke billowing out from under the hood. The middle-aged driver pulled himself through the open sunroof, stood upright as though he were First Man emerging from the primordial birth canal, shook his balled-up fist at the sky, and let loose a guttural wail that cut through the nonsense-talkers inside of my radio-box. His briefcase was launched onto a station wagon, in the process cracking its windshield and scaring the illegal immigrants riding inside. He then slipped, fell off of the roof, and got to his feet just in time to spit blood into my open passenger side window as I drove by.

In my rear view, I saw him whip out his dick while strangling himself with his tie.

It’s Monday.

As such, it’s my pleasure to welcome you to the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE! This is the spot where we share our panaceas for work-induced ennui and existential fatigue. After I show you the cocktail I’ll be using, hit up the comments section and show off your own self-medications.

Read the rest of this entry »

Rise and shine, babies, it’s Saturday — the greatest day of the goddamn week! For some, Saturday means lounging around watching cartoons all morning. For others, this day is all about nursing a hangover from the night before. And for some particularly sad bastards, it means carting the kids around to soccer games or karate practice, praying for a minor traffic accident to liven things up.

But no matter what you plan for Saturday, it should always begin with a nutritious breakfast. I understand that during the week, most people (myself included) don’t have the time to eat a decent morning meal. But on the weekends, there’s really no excuse to not put some good fuel into the `ole gut-tank.

Waking up earlier than the surgeon general advises, I took the opportunity to pick up a dozen donuts. Rather than settling for a twelve-pack from Dunkin Donuts, I decided to take the slightly longer trek to Kane’s Donuts – a staple of the Boston area’s North Shore. This joint has an old-time coffee shop vibe, as though you were stopping into a friend’s house unannounced. It’s this type of atmosphere, the forfeiture of shiny counters & paint-by-numbers service in favor of authenticity & genuine personality, which will always keep me coming back to small-time diners and restaurants.

Nana Loves Donuts

I’m kicking off my Saturday with donuts in my gut and black coffee in my veins.

How’re you starting yours?