#April2014
‘THE WINTER SOLDIER’ becomes Highest Grossing April Release. Ever.
I’ve seen The Winter Soldier three times. I don’t just like it. It’s a bit more intense than that. No lie: I’ve commissioned a Falcon/Bucky double-ended dildo that I intend on fitting into myself while holding my custom made Captain America Hitachi on my nipples during my first Blu-Ray viewing. Apparently they don’t let you do that in theaters because they hate fun. So fuck yeah!, I’m excited that it’s April’s highest grossing movie ever.
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Paul Reinwand got some killer ‘WINTER SOLDIER’ artwork
Winter Soldier on the mind. Nay! Intergrated into my very soul this weekend. If you’re like me, feed the beast with this gorgeous artwork by Paul Reinwand.
Opinions Vary: F**k, Chuck, & Marry: The Helicarrier, Fury’s Eye Patch, Rogers’ Crotch
In case you’re a DUMB IDIOT who doesn’t like COOL THINGS, I’m going to let you know that Captain Canada: The Winter Steamboat comes out tomorrow. There’s a variety of reasons to see the movie. Like, it has special effects, and Natalie Portman. What more could you need? But if you’re a pig like me, you’re only in the movie theater for two reasons. To masturbate and eat popcorn. “So, Caff. What are you going to jerk it to?” That’s a great question, Dad. It’s a difficult choice. And I’ve spent some serious time thinking about it. I can’t jerk off to everything, this little pink nub gets tired. Two hours and twelve minutes? Good god. So I’ve decided to divide my heart into a series of segments. Isn’t that what society wants, anyways? Order imposed on emotion? Limits placed on speeds? Fucking bullshit coupons that can’t be stacked at SONIC for all my fucking hot dogs? Isn’t this what It is all about?
Paolo Rivera crushes ‘THE WINTER SOLDIER’ movie poster
There ain’t enough Paolo Rivera artwork in the world, friends. There simply ain’t. Thankfully, the good sir continues to give. His latest little morsel is a poster for The Winter Soldier.
Custom Captain America Air Jordans are red, white, and #pun
Artist Sekure D got some custom made Captain America Air Jordans up on the pipes of the Internet for us to all oogle together. Now listen. I’m not saying that if you wore these, Captain America would absolutely drain his virginal testicles in you. I can’t guarantee that. But let’s just say I’m going to procure these come Hell or High Water, and wait outside the secret holographic entrance to his Brooklyn apartment.
‘CAPTAIN AMERICA 3’ could feature “Psychotic 1950s Cap”
When Steve Rogers plunged his silly ass into the ocean (if you go by movie canon, agreed, okay, shut the fuck up), he didn’t just take the world’s only super soldier out of the game. He ripped a piece of glorious propaganda out of the hands of the United States to employ during the Cold War. So what is a government to do? Find another Cap! Generate a facsimile. Captain America 3 could follow more Brubaker goodness and explore what happens when the Captain America stand-in goes fucking apeshit.
QUE? Bucky’s Marvel Movie Contract is Longer Than Cap America’s.
It turns out that Sebastian Stan’s (Bucky…and well, don’t IMDB if you don’t want to know) Marvel movie contract is longer than Chris Evans’. At first blush this seems confusing as Hell. Especially to someone who is a comics outsider. However, fans of Ed Brubaker’s run on Captain America (HI! IT MAKES MY DONG FROTH IN WAYS THAT DEFY ONTOLOGICAL EXPLANATIONS) know how this could work. In a glorious, glorious way.
Hit the jump for (what I hope) is accurate speculation.
Anthony & Joe Russo returning to direct ‘CAPTAIN AMERICA 3.’
Like a month ago or some fuck, there was buzz that the Russo Bros were going to return to the Marvel Fold and direct Captain America 3: The US Is My Only Lover. Flash forward (making a fucking whoosh sound like you do, fools!) a month, and now the buzz has crystalized into fact.
‘CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER’ Clip: Rooftop! Like We Bringin’ 88 Back!
You’ll notice that my headline has a lot to do with Das Racist (or Nas if you prefer), and very little to do with this clip. ‘Cause I’m fucking done! I can’t keep treating myself to these clips, or there ain’t going to be a movie left to peep. But hey if you want to check it out, apparently it’s the first encounter between Cap and The Winter Guy.
Scumbag Steve Rogers Is The Best
Marco D’Alfonso has created the most glorious thing I’m going to see on this Friday. It’s Scumbag Steve Rogers! Flat-brimming, world saving douchebag.
Hit the jump for his full majesty.
