Fuck yeah. Space X’s founder Elon Musk has revealed plans to send a fair amount of Earthlings to the Red Planet. Bradbury be proud. For a cool $500,000 you can be one of these first colonials, granting yourself the right to stomp around and blight Mars with the footprint of man. It isn’t an attainable amount for a fledgling academic/aspiring educator like myself, but no one wants a bipolar mess to be one of the first people to traverse the stars anyways. Send up our celebrities and capable minds, let the Martians know we are sexy and intelligent. Then unleash me upon them. I will reek of bad decisions and caffeine. I will eat their sand, bask in their solar rays!

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Scientists may have found something tremendous in the soil upon the Red Planet. While they’re double-checking and quadruple verifying their date, they have also begun to leak their excitement to the press.

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