#December2012
THE 2012 PRESS START AWARDS
It’s no surprise that most of my favoured games this year are download-only: games free of the constraints of large publishing deals and the costs of physical media. I like those physical artifacts as much as the next self-respecting hoarder, but when it comes to gaming and the creativity that I’ve seen flourish within the digital marketplace, it seems all the more difficult to pine for the past. The future of gaming is increasingly digital, independent and passionate: a fact well-displayed by some of the better releases this year. As Bobby Kotick plots to overthrow Steam, kill Gabe Newell and eat his heart to gain his strength, let us celebrate the games of 2012.
Monday Morning Commute: Cough Medicine Suicide!
Welcome back, friends. The Starship Omega plummeting through the Cosmos has returned, swerving out of the way of an errant cosmic calamity. We’ve finally regained cruising altitude, and a flesh-bot of your desired gender/gender combination will be along to massage your pinkish naughties soon. My name is Caffeine Powered, and I’m the Custodian and Lead Seminal Slinger aboard this Galaxy Cruise. Right here about this time, as I am ripped to the gills on a cheap Theraflu knockoff and fighting a lengthy head cold, I’m going to pontificate on what I’m enjoying this week. And so are you! That’s the whole gimmick behind this nonsense, Monday Morning Commute. More Theraflu!
MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE: Eat The Turkey, Vomit the Gravy
Thanksgiving! The week in which the Empire descends once more into gluttony and materialism. It has been so long without an excuse to devolve into primal man, consuming and farting! The fourth of July is so, so far away at this point. Let us not slide into complete debauchery this week. Let us be gracious. I’m thankful for you ladies and gentleman who frequent this establishment. You eat the appetizers, tip the doorman, and thankfully don’t let the others know that the abandoned warehouse down the street near the bowling alley has become my personal scat hovel.
God is good.
This is Monday Morning Commute, the column where we share the various activities that are getting us through the week. A little bit of a curveball this time around though, what with the aforementioned holiday. So what are you mortals, deities, and demigods of the Netterwebs during this Thanksgiving week?
Holla back, youngin’.
‘BORDERLANDS 2’ DLC ‘Mr. Torgue’s Campaign of Carnage’ announced. Has me torqued.
Fuckkk yes! I haven’t even played the first batch of Borderlands 2 DLC, but I’m sprung like hell for this baddie.
Monday Morning Commute: Tie Goes To The MARAUDER
My friends, welcome to the show. It’s been quiet around here at the Omega Level. For that I apologize. The past month has been a full-ass sprint towards the Grad School finish line. Due to this, I’ve all but dropped off the face of the Earth. I haven’t seen that son of a bitch Patrick Bateman since NYCC, and God knows without me keeping him in check he’s probably been returning a lot of video tapes. A lot of high school color guards being terrorized by a trench coat-and-smirk marauder. I haven’t even read a fucking comic book since August, folks. August. My life is a whirlwind, with only brief jaunts to the movie theaters and Borderlands 2 giving me respite.
Soon though! Fucking Thursday, this 50-page beast will be turned in. Then I’ll be able to relax. A bit.
This is Monday Morning Commute, the column where we diddle and jack it to the activities and loves that are getting us through this week. What are you degenerates digging at the moment? ATM? Ass to mouth?
Monday Morning Commute: We’re Not Immortal, We’re Immoral.
Hello friends. Welcome to the jamboree. Lately the status quo on Spaceship Omega has been a blinking red sign that reads “busy, busy, busy, busy, busy.” Rendar has gotten himself embroiled in a class-action lawsuit against McDonald’s. Something about dipping his testicles in hot coffee that wasn’t hot enough, didn’t leave scars large enough, I’m not sure. He pulled down his pants and I turned away when I began to see the boils and then I started screaming.
And me?
I’ve been chugging along, writing my thesis for my Master’s Program. All along the oblivion known as the “Real World” has been staring me in the eyes, rubbing its belly and chuckling manically. We are going to have to tussle very, very soon. Throw thirty+ hours of tutoring on top of that, and whelp…let’s just say the Spaceship has been on auto-pilot. None the less! With all this busyness, we could all use some escape.
This is Monday Morning Commute, the column where we spout off the various arts and crafts keeping us from stabbing ourselves during the grind of the 9-5. The following are my jams.
Be Handsome Jack from ‘BORDERLANDS 2’ with this printable mask. Geekcraft rock!
This is the berries, right hurr. Jeffrey Broome has concocted a printable mask of the smarmy Borderlands 2 antagonist for us to all don with glee. Forget Guy Fawkes, it is all Handsome Jack. All the time.
Press Start: Returns and Reptiles
Confession time: I missed last week’s article for three incredibly valid reasons.
- Borderlands 2
- A stealth hangover (seriously did not see the bastard coming)
- Hernia
OK, I possibly invented the third one, but still one and two are still pretty solid. Now, do you see the validity? Absorb it. Forgive me and then let’s move on. I’m about to hit you with such an incredibly powerful fistful of gaming news and titillation that you’ll wish I’d finally eaten myself into that early grave.
‘BORDERLANDS 2’ SLAG-OFF & MEET-UP.
I’ve spent the last ten or so hours where I should have been sleeping or working on my final thesis paper rumbling through the world of Borderlands 2. If you liked the original, douse yourself in anti-piss and prepare for your attempted golden shower. It’s sleeker, with better menus and holy shit a story. If you didn’t like the original, you probably won’t like it. No worries, ya’ll my friends anyways.
MINIMALIST ‘BORDERLANDS 2’ posters bring the sexy to your loot fest.
Talented son of a bitch Milos Cakovan has ripped off some gorgeous minimalist Borderlands 2 poster for our consumption. Frak yes.