Oh no.

Oh nooooooo.

What the fuck is this giggly shitfest that has besmirched one of my favorite shows of all time? Or uh, what could have been one of my favorite shows of all time. There was a silly, dastardly period of my life when I was concerned that LOST could usurp my previous binky for favorite show of all time. I’d have to do deep soul-searching and come to the recognition that LOST was simply superior, and therefore I would have to accept it as my number one viewing experience.

Thankfully, Damon Lindelof, Carlton Cuse, and whatever sort of sugary assholes they’ve holed up in the conference room while barfing out these last few episodes have taken that worry away from me.

I’ll always love you, Billy Adama. I’m sorry I ever thought I’d have to leave you.

Do you guys know how fucking powerful love is? Yeah, well guess what, you’re about to find out! Christ, it has all sorts of magical powers. Maybe the Island is just a big consummation of Zeus’ love for Hera or some shit. Fuck the Island man, love is totally going to save the day. I mean, check it out, it solves aphasia!

Oh, no. I hope those of you who thought that Sun’s inability to speak the English language was some sort of awesome plot-point could settle for her reunion with Jin.

I was actually feeling Sun and Jin’s reunion. Don’t mistake me for some scabby, jaded asshole. I’m actually a weepy mess. I cry every time I hear Aeris’ theme, every time I watch the Lion King, and sometimes while marveling at the ineffable complexity and beauty of the universe.

Do you know what I do when Jin and Sun embrace? I get a little tingle. Do you know what I do when Lapidus comments after Sun talks that it “Looks like someone got their voice back”? I puke all over myself while clutching my skull with both hands and hope I’m in some Transdimensional Universe where the writers from LOST have been replaced by Lifetime Movie Special assholes.

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