#April2013
Opinions Vary: GIVE ME NEW GAME+, OR GIVE ME DEATH.
To smash the face of your enemies is the most grand of human experiences. To drink their blood from the crystal chalice of your superiority is to achieve the pinnacle of Darwinian success. It is with this irrefutable notion in mind that I postulate the following: every fucking video game should have New Game+. Every digi-polygon experience should allow those of us who have rose up through the darkness of a Level 1, Devoid of Equipment birth to return to those who felled us at the beginning of our journey with fury. We deserve to smash their teeth with our litany of new abilities. We deserve it, god fucking dammit. We earned it.
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I’m Ken friggin’ Levine!
Fucking KEN LEVINE all tits-out, not caring. Yeah, I’ll drink a latte and not give a shit that my nips are showing. I’ll comment on the industry while my chest hair rattles the mind and soul of the men and women behind the counter. I’m Ken Levine.
Monday Morning Commute: DRINK DEEP THE ENNUI.
Remember how last week I was all excited for life? This week is the glorious inversion of such a feeling. A viscous ladling of ennui is rattling around my belly, daring me to frown. There isn’t so much a reason for me to be sad, rather I’m just like “oh hey, I exist.” Eh, what can you do. Some weeks are more thrilling than others. So I turn to you, dare readers, in this newest of Monday Morning Commutes. Tell me what you’re enjoying this week. Inspire me. I beseech thee. And thee. And thee.
Hit the jump for my tepid chocies for the next seven days.
Monday Morning Commute: IT WAS A PLEASURE TO BURN!
Sup fuckers. Don your war crest. Paint your face with the blood of those who have fallen before you staves, swords, axes. This is getting real. The following week is filled with enough revelry to burst my little heart. Were I a coward. But I am not such thing. My arteries are thickened from excessive, caffeine-fueled pumping. The next seven days are a gauntlet of awesome that justify this meager little column. Nay, these seven days justify my generally effusive demeanor. This is MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE, the column where we pontificate on the various little objects filling our hurt-holes. The arts, farts, funny books, and video games we are using as a salve to soothe the general burn of existence.
I’ve been to Columbia – Bioshock Infinite
It’s eerie to waltz around a world I’ve seen in trailers on and off since 2011. Eerie and awe-inspiring. Columbia is another City 17; avid gamers will hopefully feel happy to hear me draw the comparison.
There’s been so much said about the game, both from two years’ worth of previews and advance (groan) exclusive reviews over the past week. I won’t waste your time with fluff; here are some (spoiler-free) thoughts from my five-hour foray into Columbia so far.
Check it: ‘BIOSHOCK INFINITE’ reversible cover pics.
Remember when everyone was freaking out about how generic BioShock Infinite’s cover was? And Levine was all, “chill out. We need to do it”? And then they offered a vote for a reversible cover? Here are some pictures of the end product. In Japanese. Hey, don’t get choosy on me now.
‘BIOSHOCK INFINITE’ Combat Trailer: Puke from the awesomeness
Mine eyes cannot comprehend the beauty of this BioShock Infinite trailer. In less than six days, I’ll be running around all vigorous, skyhooking myself to shit and pew-pewing like a mofuckah. The Faux Bot will be doing the same thing, and we will do it together courtesy of Skype. Two dudes, no shirts, pictures of Ken Levine covered in fluid.
‘BIOSHOCK INFINITE’ TV TRAILER: NO SERIOUSLY, THE GAME IS ALMOST HERE.
Folks, BioShock Infinite has almost arrived. The game that I have been sweating only second to HL: Episode III in ferocity. Yes. Yes, yes, yes.
‘BIOSHOCK INFINITE’ had enough material cut to make six full games. Infinite indeed!
Now that I have finally expunged Dead Space 3 from my gaming gape, it is time for me to look forward to BioShock Infinite. Hopefully it’ll be everything that I hoped it will be. I cannot handle another gaming disappointment so soon, especially from a game that I have been anticipating for so long. One of the reasons my wait has apparently drawn on so interminably, however, is because the game itself has been generating massive amounts of content.
Press Start: Of Monkeys and THE MAN
This week’s pressing questions in gaming are:
Why don’t more women play games? Probably doing something productive whilst I jerk it to polygons.
Why did they delay GTA V and does this somehow relate to rumoured plans for Rockstar to form a Bioshock-esque rogue state?
Just how powerful is the new Playstation going to be and is it going to include the Fleshlight extension that I’ve been petitioning for some months now?
