It was rumored, and now it’s official. Billy Dee Williams is back as Lando in Episode IX, motherfuckers!

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Hello slime, I have missed you. Two days in the gorgeous, but insanely backwards state of Florida has given way to a return to the Space-Ship proper. I’m sitting in the Space Hub, paying $3000 space-cubits per minute to type up this bad boy before departure. Instead of trying to cover everything upon return, here’s a fucking rundown of all the dope stuff I’ve noted whilst away from my terminal.

Read all this dope shit, and then hit the comments with your own…commentary? Clearly the sun has done nothing to help my tattered remains of lucidity.

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It’s another day. That means we have more Episode VII news. Boom! Upside your head. What do you make of all these comments? Let me hear it.

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[face of a franchise presents two individuals that’ve fulfilled the same role. your task — choose the better of the two and defend your choice in the rancor pit that is the comments section]

In Tim Burton’s 1989 Batman, Billy Dee Williams delivers a Harvey Dent that is strong, tough on crime, and grandiose. However, narrow-minded fanboys scoff at Williams’ performance because of the fact that he’s…um…well, a dude with a mustache.

*Ahem*

On the other hand, Tommy Lee Jones’ performance in Batman Forever summons the true madness of Harvey Dent, the notion that residing within any single individual is the potential for unquantifiable conflict. Jones’ civil war of the mind affects every single viewer…who can look past the black lights and neon lasers.

So how about it? Who’s the better Harvey Dent – Lando Calrissian or No Country for Old Men?

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[DEFEAT. is Rendar Frankenstein’s truest attempt at fiction.   Presented in weekly episodes, the novella tells the tale of Daryl Millar – a hero who dies at the intersection of pop culture, science-fiction, war epic, and fantasy]

Eight hours after winning the first battle of a war that would last until the week’s end, Daryl Millar and his two allies ambled towards the Dean Brothers’ Fun-Time Circus. Clean and cold, the October air did its best to forewarn the teens of winter’s approach. Kicking fallen leaves. Screaming in their faces.

However, the trio was guarded. Denim. Studded leather. The heavy-duty hood of a cotton/polyester blend. And the warm fuzzy feelings of malt liquour.

Inspired by the day’s events, Riff had made an afterschool trip to the package store. With a wallet loose enough to waive the necessity of photo identification, Riff approached the counter with three fat bottles. An amateur beer-drinker, his purchase of Colt 45 was based on two key facts:

1) It was super cheap.
2) Billy Dee Williams, who had gained his trust by leading the Rebel Alliance to victory three years earlier, assured him that “It works every time.”

Snuggled in their brown paper jackets, the forties were tokens of victory. And celebration. And Brady Moore’s humiliation. And an evening of three-ringed entertainment. So even though it was only Tuesday, Daryl’s sensibilities (which were usually in place to curb Riff’s debauchery and 8-Bit’s anxiety) said that pounding beer was the right thing to do on this most glorious of nights.

Sensible sensibilities. Everything in moderation. Especially moderation.

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