Greetings earthlings. Lower case e on earth because the universe doesn’t know or care about us filthy apes. I’m Contingency Plan, filthy ape among you. I previously did cool things like play in bands and record albums so like most pretentious musicians, I think my opinion matters. I’m here to bore you with buzzwords and catch phrases like ‘earworm’, ‘sick riff’, ‘synergry’ and other banality. Still, if someone buys an album that they truly enjoy that they hadn’t heard of before this column, that’s a win in my book.

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Last weekend the fiancé and I were trying to watch the new season of House of Cards when the fucking quality was bouncing around more than my moods on one of those “Jesus Christ I forgot to take my meds for how many days?” type weeks. I had a sneaking suspicion it had to do with a) the death of Net Neutrality b) bandwidth throttling and c) intergalactic threats from Skrulltopia. Turns out I was right about two of the causes.

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