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It’s happening. It’s finally, finally, finally happening.

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Fallout 4 is coming, Fallout 4 is coming! Please, this time, let the fucking rumors be true. If the motherfucker isn’t revealed around this E3, we ride!

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Bethesda. Just. Just let me fucking tell you. If you’re holding an E3 conference, for the first time ever, and it isn’t to announce Fallout 4. Just. Just expect a dude clad in his own used underwear and painted in his own DNA to rush the stage. Hint: that dude is me.

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Fuck you,  Bethesda! Not releasing anything. Fuck you, Troll Guy who created the fake Fallout 4 website.. Fallout 4 is real and Fallout 4 is set in Massachusetts. I’m so fucking sprung right now. Typing with my painfully swollen nerd-dong. God, get this game in me already.

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OH FUCKING GOD DAMMIT. May the soul who perpetuated this most horrid fib (honestly perhaps the most egregiously malicious lie in all of history) get razor-blade laced diarrhea. Whilst they stand outside in a tsunami of blood and animal carcasses. Fuck.

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Sweet Merciful Dingleberries, how the fuck did I miss this?! How did I?! Not only is there a fucking teaser site for Fallout 4, but it has itself one of them bona fide hype-inducing countdowns. Jesus Christ.

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Sorry Nintendo Friends. (And listen, I’ll end up buying a Wii U at some point because of Mario Nebula or whatever, so it isn’t like I hate the company.) That huge third-party push that you’ve been waiting for the Wii U to receive is probably never going to happen. According to the VP Czar of Bethesda’s Propaganda Branch, the window during which Nintendo could have convinced publishers to come to their last-next-somewhere generation system has closed.

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