#March2017
Monday Morning Commute: The Easy Winter
“Let’s keep things in perspective – it was an easy winter.”
He thought of the foals they’d lost. Breathing labored and desperate. Eyelids too gummed up to open. Hot blood draining into cold snow.
He thought of the job they’d botched. Hyperdrive malfunctioning in subzero. Automatons screaming in death throes. Too few minerals for too many men to two-time `em all.
He thought of what this life’d cost. The honor. The glory. The woman.
“Easy winter? Hombre, there ain’t no such thing.”
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Welcome to the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE! This is the spot for sharin’ our survival tactics, the showcasin’ of wares we’ll be relyin’ upon to survive the workweek. `Cause it’s lookin’ bad out there, folks, so if we’re goin’ to keep the gaspipes from our lips, well, then we’re goin’ to need something to keep us gaspin’ for oxygen!
I’ll start this rock’n’roll dance-off!
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WEEKEND OPEN BAR: Commenters (DEVIANTS) Come Home!
[WEEKEND OPEN BAR: The one-stop ramble-about-anything weekend post at OL. Comment on the topic at hand. Tell us how drunk you are. Describe a comic you bought. This is your chance to bring the party.]
What up cretins? What up populators of the Spaceship Omega? Been quite the hot minute since I’ve had time to catch my breath. Both myself and Brother Rendar have been exceptionally busy coming off of a glorious NYCC last week. To everyone who may have latched onto this Nightmare Missile like krill, godspeed. Welcome. Buckle-up, shotgun your beverage of choice, and participate in the madness.
Friday Brew Review – Crispin Honey Crisp
I am a veritable man-slave to Lady Beer.
I live to wait on her hand and foot, making sure that her every desire is met. But how could I ever be expected to resist her? Is there a more breathtaking image than the gentle pulsating of Lady Beer’s bosom as she inhales and exhales alcoholic vapors? Could anyone ever assuage my workweek anxieties better than Madam Methanol? Hardly. She’s a goddamn beaut.
Sure, she can be bitter as all hell. And I’d be a liar to deny that entertaining her is a fatiguing endeavor. After a few hours with Lady Beer, I’m ready to sleep indefinitely, awoken only by oppressive sunbeams and inebriation-induced teeth-grindin’. But it’s worth it, because her handsome hops and courageous carbonation are wonders that elevate existence from better than non-existence to the rare opportunity to join the universe as an active participant.
Wowzers.
But as I’m realizing tonight, I’ve been slightly negligent to my mistress. Lady Beer, love of my life though she is, has largely been ignored this summer. It wasn’t a conscious decision. Truly. However, the fact of the matter is that I’ve been spending an exorbitant amount of my drankin’-time with Ms. Apple Cider Bottom. She’s fruity and bubbly and making herself more available than she’s ever been.
Hell, I’m only man, damnit!
Tonight, I’m sipping on Honey Crisp.
Friday Brew Review – Life and Limb
What do the Mega Powers, the G.I. Joe episode The Greatest Evil, and today’s brew have in common?
Well, dummy-pants, they are all the product of unlikely – but wonderful – collaborations!
At the beer-market today, a delivery-dude saw me scouring the shelves for the perfect inebriator. “Hey kid,” he said, “give this a try. It’s a team-up between Sierra and Dogfish.” He then handed me a bottle of Life and Limb and dispersed into an ethereal gray, drifting into a nether-realm, awaiting the next opportunity to help a beer-drinker in need.
Friday Brew Review – Infinium
Progress is a tricky concept to grasp and an even trickier one to execute. On the one hand, there is something to be said of tradition. Of the fact that there are those who have stood the test of time, proving their worth while the novelty of what’s considered in vogue crumbles into ephemeral ash.
It’s foolish to disregard the ones who help to set the sun.
However, we must also avoid becoming dogmatic adherents to yesteryear’s traditions. In dodging such an existential bullet, we remain receptive to new ideas. To the notion that the terrain explored by pioneers and voyagers may be worth investigating. There is an acknowledgment that all is not known and an exhilaration in trying to unearth what this may be.
In an ideal world, the Titans would help usher in the Olympians.
This dream is realized with Infinium. And that is why it is damn near perfect.
Friday Brew Review – Frosty Knuckle Ale
I am a diseased man. It’s the truth, and I’ve learned to live with it. The fact of the matter is that I have been diagnosed with Raynaud’s Syndrome, a condition whose effects are somewhere in between AIDS and Motaba. As a consequence of this extremely super-serious medical condition, I have less-than-ideal circulation in my hands and feet.
In other words: I can’t feel my fucking hands in winter.
Don’t worry, I’m fine. To combat this terrible affliction, I (wear gloves and) look to sources of inspiration. For awhile I really admired Michael J. Fox, whose struggles with post-temporal-shifting have been highly publicized. Then I started looking up to Michael Jackson, a man who continued to do good in the world despite being bombarded by baseless accusations of child endangerment. But today, in the liquor store, I came across a new person to whom I can devote my allegiance.
Friday Brew Review – Post Road Pumpkin Ale
Another Friday, another work-week in the bag, and now it’s time to get halfway into it myself. After doing my normal gig and then giving a drum lesson, I headed for my local beer-dealer.
Wanting to avenge the injustice that was last week’s beer, I made sure to be much more considerate about my choice. Rather than just grabbing the first six-pack to catch my attention, I actually took a minute to look around. “No goon-fuck Pump-o-Jacktern is gonna fool me this time,” I told myself.
And I was right. Kind of.
Friday Brew Review – Jack’s Pumpkin Spice Ale
It’s Friday. Finally. TGI-fuckin’-F or whatever. If only it were 1989 again and I could rock the TGIF lineup, I may not have need to write this. But alas, times have changed and I can no longer rely on ABC’s transdimensional-series cameos to help kill the memories of the week.
Instead, I need a cold brew. And since I’m drinking anyways, I figure that I might as well take the opportunity to review the beverage for the six diehard, dedicated readers of OL.
