It is a tasty world when a flick based off of a board game fails in rather spectacular fashion. Not usually one to rub salt in the wound, I never the less still enjoy dancing on the ashes of this movie.

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A month or so ago, Universal paid a steep multi-million dollar penalty and wiped its ass with their contract with toy manufacturer Hasbro. No sensible human being saw anything great coming from the partnership, which was signed back in 2008 when I was 30 pounds lighter. For years, family-friendly projects like Stretch Armstrong, Ouija, and Monopoly were thrown around with different producers and directors attached – remember Ridley Scott’s Monopoly hurrrr? A few days before Universal washed their hands clean of Hasbro, rival Sony Pictures snatched up Candy Land to use as an Adam Sandler vehicle. Meaning they’re going to make a boatload of money.

The only film actually coming out of the doomed contract is Peter Berg’s Battleship, in which Rihanna and Tim Riggins fight aliens. There’s really no connection to the board game except the battleships and it’s almost certain someone will begrudgingly say “You sunk my battleship” and then immediately feel like a tool. But amidst all the backlash, let us never forget that in 1985 the first and best board game adaptation was released.

Clue is a madcap murder mystery hated by some and loved by many. Critically spat upon in its initial release, it’s since developed a well deserved cult following. Universal was planning on remaking it with Gore Verbinski to direct, but that’s obviously fallen through. Good riddance, I say. The original Clue is super fun and has everything from lo-brow poop jokes to jabs at McCarthyism. It’s worth revisiting if you haven’t in a while. Here’s six reasons why Clue is and will always be the best movie based on a board game.

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They’re making a Battleship movie. Like, the game.

Via /Film
Universal has officially signed filmmaker Peter Berg (who was in talks) to direct a big screen adaptation of Hasbro’s board game Battleship

At first I thought it was a horrible idea. But what if, like, they make it some eerie meta-narrative? Like, you have this brutal naval battle between two parties. And at some point, they cut to two people moving the pieces of a Battleship game board. And just when you thought it was some trite war movie based loosely off of another childhood relic, you realize it’s some psychedelic narrative on the freedom of choice and the manipulation of countries populations to wage war over natural resources. The guys on the ships realize that they’re nothing more than plastic pawns of two masters waging the war on some level imperceptible to them.

Then the plastic battleships, upon this realization somehow fix themselves in the esophagus of the players, bringing down the man. Or the men if you will.

Naw, it’ll just be a shitty naval movie.