#February2014
Kepler Telescope LIVES AGAIN; already spotted a planet
Everybody lick up the forties that you spilled for the Kepler telescope! Lap that alcohol up, ain’t no use wasting it for nothing. You see, that plan for reviving the Kepler took! Took a hold, and revived the son of a bitch.
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Watch out! River of Hydrogen running amok in space
Goddamn — watch out! There’s a fucking River of Hydrogen running through space. Throwing haymakers and elbow dropping galactic clusters from the top of a cosmic turnbuckle. Sort of. I may be embellishing.
Stephen Hawking: there ain’t such a thing as a black holes. Dummies!
Sort of! Sort of. That’s the sexy, sensational headline. And I’m not Mary Jane or Peter Parker, but I want desperately to be both sexy and sensational. Anyways. So black holes *do* fucking exist, but apparently it is possible for shit to escape their tyrannical gape.
Water plumes seen on DWARF PLANET CERES
Ceres. You big fucking rock-ice asteroid motherfucker. Holding out on us all this time. I mean we (humans, space-wizards in particular) thought you had some form of water on you. But you just wouldn’t let us confirm it. Now you’re just flaunting your water supply. And frankly, it’s ostentatious.
SUPERNOVA captured going off in (relatively) nearby galaxy
Dopeee! Really dope. A supernova has been captured going off in a relatively close galaxy. How close? Oh you know — 12 million light years away. Jesus, Reality is enormous.
Colliding galaxies dance the dance of death
Two galaxies. Engaged in an epic dance of death. Whilst they slowly pull one another apart, only one shall survive the throwdown. My money is on…the one that the article says will survive. Those space people, they know their shit.
The SEAGULL NEBULA is fixin’ to steal your cosmic french fries.
Seagulls are right pricks. Constantly making sojourns to the beach a fucking adventure. Is the seagull going to shit in my hair? Is it going to steal my sandwich while I look wistfully off into the horizon? Is it going to do both? Thankfully the Seagull Nebula is pretty far away. Pretty gorgeous, too.
SPACE PORN: Behold the Star Cluster that wowed the Romans
Check out M7! This glorious star cluster is so gods-damned bright that the Romans were capable of seeing it in the night sky. So yeah! Drop down and get your learn on about the collection of about 100 stars that wowed the hair off of Ptolemy’s nips.
Space Porn: Star-Forming Region IC 471 tickles me pink.
‘Cause it’s pink! Ya see! You can be tickled pink! By this star-forming region. Oh whatever. Now that you mention it, (I know you didn’t mention it) where does that phrase come from? Tickled to the point of blushing? Man — that seems like fucking assault. Or is it battery? Whatever! Whatever!
Hit the jump for the full image. Plus!, info.
Astronomers discover “planet that shouldn’t exist.” But it f**king does!
Oh, astronomers! You know so little! Or rather you present facts to us, we use phrases like “planet that shouldn’t exist” and then we’re up in your ass when you present findings about a “planet that shouldn’t exist.” So I guess it is us fat-brained proles who rather suck. Or just me. I suck.
