#September2016
Space Swoon: This Nebula is a High-Excitating Blob
Seriously, astronomers call this nebula a High-Excitating Blob. Space ain’t just awesome, apparently it is fun.
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Pluto likely has a Hidden Liquid Ocean
Pluto, the Dwarf Planet, is stunting on all of us. Blowing our fucking minds, making us feel guilty for dubbing it a Non-Planet. Why, this fucking (non-)Planet likely has a hidden liquid ocean.
NASA tests Flying Saucer, it’s totally a success
It seems fitting that NASA is testing a Flying Saucer in hope it can help us get to Mars. Those fucking Illuminati-Martians have been rolling up on yokels in the middle of the night for half a century, abducting them to work on their terraforming projects. So when we finally take the fight to them, it makes sense we will be doing it in a vehicle not unlike their own.
Astronomer Wizards find EARTH-SIZED Diamond
Man! Astronomer Wizards. Just finding shit in space. Wild shit. Diamonds the size of Earth. Or they could be lying. Truthfully I’d have no fucking way of knowing. But I like the idea of living in such a Universe with gnarly shit like this floating around space.
Watch: Hubble captures STAR EXPLOSION in four-year time-lapse video
Behold the Universe! Regenerating itself! This four-year time lapse video from Hubble shows a pretty killer star explosion. Reminding us that we ain’t show, but that’s okay because we’re part of something rocking.
Sun moodily issued forth GIANT SOLAR FLARES this morning
Sun’s all like. Bro. Your dumb shit blog is dominated by the Electronic Entertainment Expo news. Dumb shit blog. Dumb event. You want news, bro? *Clenches Sun Abdomen and uncorks giant Sun Fart aka Solar Flare* There’s your news.
NASA almost got its new MARS-LANDING TECHNOLOGY ready for test
Yes, NASA! Yes! Hurry up with your wunder-technologies. I need to get off this fucking Blue Marble. I got a list of debts a mile long, a warrant in my name, and a boyfriend with genital warts who isn’t particularly happy about me. And a fiance and she ain’t happy about me having that wart-covered boyfriend neither!
Astronomers drop image of the “SERIAL KILLER GALAXY.”
Behold! Ph33r! (Leet speak is coming back, I promise.) Tremble in terror as you gaze upon the Serial Killer Galaxy. Astronomers have dropped this sexy image of the galaxy that gives no fucks about killing other galaxies.
SOLAR STORM in 2012 nearly FRIED ALL OUR ELECTRONICS. Bow before SOL.
It’s only a matter of time before the sun deploys a gnarly solar storm that knocks down our electrical grids. Fries our cell phones. Reduces us to chimps with boner pills and botox. Said time was almost two years ago, but we got lucky like a mofuckah’.
