Monday, motherfuckers. Another day at the beginning of another week. For those of us on the M-F Grind, Monday heralds yet another blitz through the whirling blades of the Existential Gauntlet. But fear not, friends. The Man has peppered our lives with another Meaningless Morsels to keep us just Fat, Happy, and Distracted Enough from pulling plugs and diving into stark abysses.

These are the Meaningless Morsels I’m enjoying this week. Please share your own.

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Holy Tits on a Sacred Idol, I haven’t issued forth a meaningless communique in six days? ‘Tis the season for negligence or something. Is this inter-microphone on? Is anyone hearing this? Or am I, as always, a captive spectator in the Theater of My Own Mind? None the less. Here I am. Over-caffeinated, under-medicated, and ready to dive headfirst into Monday Morning Commute. The column where we share what we’re excited for during a given week. Maybe it’s a movie. Maybe it’s a meal. Maybe it’s a secret rendezvous in a Burger King bathroom with an omni-gendered, multiverse alien with all the holes, phalanges, phalluses, and proclivities to finally sate a very (very) nuanced sexual appetite.

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