Tired today, man. Currently supine. Battling fatigue and a stomach stuffed with staggering tumult. Am I a diarrhea that dreams it’s a man, or a man that dreams he’s merely a flesh-bag filled with diarrhea? I’m not sure, I’m not sure. What am I sure of? This week contains multitudes, multitudes of various arts and farts I’m looking forward to enjoying. These arts, these farts, they are an Existential Ripcord. I need merely let my excitement yank said cord, and rip me through the miasma of malaise my rolling tide of brown-churn and soul are currently sunk in.

It is my mandate as the curator of Monday Morning Commute to list these arts. To high-five these farts. It is your mandate as the consumer (be it by accident or be it by accentuated agency) to list what you are sweating this week in the comments section.

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Come one, come all, into Monday Morning Commute. The one-stop weekly existential circle jerk for everyone: from degenerates, to sinful nuts. From scholars, to scatalogical 7-Eleven workers. I want you all. Staring into the Cosmos, I bellow. Give me your perverted, give me your poor. Your despondent, your determined, your omni-dimensional, poly-sexual, pan-physical space lords.   I want you all, so long as you follow the faintly scrawled rules upon the walls of this  residence– the pop culture geek lord glory hole in the stank bathroom of the Internet. First, you listen to what I’m looking forward to this week. Second, you respond in kind, sharing your own anticipations and musings, so long as you follow the golden rule: god damn it, you’ve got to be kind.

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Here’s a toast to the douchebags! Here’s a toast to the gluttons! To the slave drivers, to the apathetic consumers. Here’s a toast to the MarauderCorporations! To the BottomLineSwine, to the trash mongers! Earth is Toast, so let’s share a toast! Ain’t nothing we can do about it anyways. Let’s dance while the Palaces Burn! Together! And what a perfect column to do so in.

Monday Morning Commute Tuesday Afternoon Commute. Here’s a toast to the hard workers! To the people just trying to get by, to the loved ones who love their loved ones. Monday Morning Commute Tuesday Afternoon Commute. Where us trash mongers, hard workers, BottomLineSwine, we can all gather. Share what we’re up to this week. Be it the books we’re reading, the road trips we’re taking, the kids we’re trying to raise.

We’re all in this together, so let’s hold hands as we rocket not into Space, but off the cliff.

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