#July2014
Well Then: Amazon offers Hachette authors 100% cut of ebook sales
How is this for some Boardroom Maneuvering? Amazon and Hatchette have been beefing, and that’s left a lot of people opining that it’s the authors getting fucked. Now in what strikes this dumb-ass, completely business-unsavvy dude as a brilliant move, Amazon is offering Hatchette authors a 100% cut of their ebook sales.
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Amazon gets into cellphone game with ‘FIRE PHONE.’
This Amazon Fire Phone is fucking wild, man. Offering up all sorts of things you probably never wanted in a phone. And unlimited storage for photos, which is actually something that sounds pretty neat. But the rest? I don’t know. An app that turns it into a hot plate for coffee? Eh. Toggle that increases the radiation so you can kill your own cysts? Meh. Do we really need these?
Amazon now feuding with Warner Bros, no more ‘LEGO MOVIE’ pre-orders
Man. Amazon’s already shitting on my lazy, entitled, complacent shitty life because of their beef with Hachette Books. I can’t fucking pre-order the new book in The Expanse! Fuck! Ya’ll forcing me to go to Barnes & Noble, and that’s some shit. But now they’re feuding with Warner Bros., and would-be buyers of LEGO Movie are paying the goddamn price.
Maybe? These are leaked pictures of AMAZON’S 3D SMARTPHONE
Here we be! Some “leaked” “maybe” pictures of Amazon’s upcoming 3D smartphone. I’m willing to stake my J-Law puppet collection on them being legit, though.
AMAZON announcing their own SMART PHONE by June
Amazon is making 2014 the year they officially throw down the gauntlet with Google. “No!”, they yell. “We will be SKYNET. Not you!” Fuckers are making moves this year! Ingratiating themselves into every avenue of our distraction-laden lives. Set-top box. Drones. Comixology. Now releasing a phone.
DAMN. AMAZON has bought COMIXOLOGY.
The lumbering, heavy-lunged shamble towards the mono-culture continues on, friends. The latest merger between corporate entities isn’t as terrifying as Comcast and Time Warner. It’s more intriguing. Amazon, who pretty much sells Everything to All Of Us, has bought the number one provider of digital funny books.
Amazon reveals their set-top box, “FIRE TV.” $99. Sort of GAMING CONSOLE too.
A new challenger has entered the arena! It seems that everybody, everybody, everybody is in the set-top box game! Amazon’s swaggerlicious little ditty is called “Fire TV”, and if anything it’s pretty cheap.
Amazon has bought a gaming studio. MOAR CONSOLES MOAR?!
It’s been rumored for a while that Amazon was hankerin’ to dip its toes into the console waters. And why wouldn’t it? Every prominent corporation these days seems to want to dominated moar markets always! Or perhaps in an ideal world all markets alwayz! So Amazon buying an gaming studio? Smacks of a logical progression for the CorpoGiant.
Nicolas Winding Refn’s ‘BARBARELLA’ TV remake hitting AMAZON
Yet another hope and dream of Amazon’s for butting into the original television content market has been revealed. This dream is taking the form of Winding Refn’s Barbarella remake. Not exactly the next House of Cards, but hey — I didn’t expect much from that fucking series either. So yeah.
Amazon was selling 426 ITEMS PER SECOND on Cyber Monday.
Amazon dun good this holiday season. Like, way good. I thought I was crushing it sell my crusty socks-turned-Jennifer Lawrence puppets. Sold three! One to Rendar, one to my fiance, one to my Mom. And Rendar didn’t even cry as I got my money from him at spork point, unlike the other two.
But man, Amazon did way better than me.
