It’s a poster! For Amazing Spider-Man 2! At this point it’s been sitting in my Feedly “Saved” folder for a few days. So uh, this totally isn’t me purging my folder of things I don’t care about anymore. This is a serious poster full of serious import that I seriously had to post.

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…well, it’s only a trailer. It’s only a trailer. But if it is indicative of the flick, I’m going to be eating a lot of crow. ‘Cause this trailer? Holy Spider-Taint. I’m feelin’ it.

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This official banner for Amazing Spider-Garfield 2: Gwen Stacy’s Dumb Neck Goes Snap features ALL OF THE CHARACTERS. ALL OF THEM. THE CHARACTERS! I hope you like ALL THE CHARACTERS in your superhero movies. ‘Cause that’s what we’re getting. Plot? FUCK YOU. Story. FUCK YOU. ALL  OF THE CHARACTERS? Yes.

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Wee! It’s Spider-Man swinging around and shit! You haven’t seen that for like…four movies, have you? You have!?! Hey, you ungrateful prick. Who cares. Embrace this teaser trailer. It features nondescript aforementioned web swinging! It features derivative skyscapes!

It’s completely unremarkable!

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Hans Zimmer seems hesitant about scoring Batman vs. Superman vs. WB’s Anxious About Marketing Kal-El By Himself, but that doesn’t mean he’s out of the capes game. Dude is rolling up to Amazing Spider-Man 2 with a posse.

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All team-up everything! Good guys! Villains! If your comic book movie doesn’t have more than one superhero in it, it doesn’t fucking matter. That’s a cosmic fact. Amazing Spider-Garfield 2 knows this.

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You know what always, always, always sounds dorky to me? Rhyming comic book dialogue. I’m totally (not) glad that we have Electro rhyming about how powerful he is or some shit in this teaser. Blegh. If I’m being honest though, I still expect to be entertained by this flick. I enjoyed the first Webb/Garfield/Stone-powered film, and I imagine this one can’t be any worse (famous last words?).

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I should preface my unfair judgment of Jamie Foxx as Electro with that preface alone. Also, I should probably clarify that I don’t particularly give a fuck about Electro. Like, at all. One time he was fresh out of prison signing autographs outside of my local 7-Eleven and I didn’t even give a fuck. He went to talk to me, perhaps even a jovial “hello.” I wouldn’t know, I didn’t listen. Just raised my hand, hitting him with an “eh, eh.” He seemed pissed. Whatever. Fuck him.

But uh, hit the jump to check him out.

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Let’s not kill ourselves trying to figure out who Sarah Gadon is going to be playing in the Amazing Spider-Man movies. Days after the news that Mary Jane was cut from the second movie and was being recast, we get this news regarding Gadon. Hmm. Hmm! Let us all bite down on our bubble pipes. And go hmm.

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How many villains are too many villains for Amazing Spider-Man 2? Fucking no such things! Stuff it with a million-billion villains. Actually if this is setting up the Sinister Six, it could be dope.

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