#June2012
I Don’t Blame Ridley Scott for Prometheus
This isn’t really a Prometheus review. By now you’ve most likely seen the movie, read reviews, or heard about it from your boys. This article is a rant with plenty of spoilers.
Does anyone honestly expect greatness from Sir Ridley Scott anymore? There’s no doubt he’s still a master craftsman who can create some truly stunning visuals. But for a while now he’s been more concerned with those visuals than with minor annoyances like story and characters. That’s why for his prequel to Alien Scott was cool working off of a script originally written by the guy who wrote The Darkest Hour (remember that one?), that was later touched up by Damon Lindelof. We all know Lindelof from Lost, which we still argue about, but that’s only because we still love it so much.
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PROMETHEUS: Big Things Have Vacant Beginnings [PLUS YOUR REACTION]
It’s a bit of a stretch, asking anyone to come out of Prometheus this weekend without an overwhelming sensation of feeling hollow. It’s a rather empty, desolate film in all the ways that matter: setting, visuals, character – even plot. There just isn’t a lot there.
Compounding the problem is that the marketing machine behind the film has inadvertently already given you 90% of it. Walking out of the theatre tonight or tomorrow will feel like you’ve just seen an extended trailer, albeit a two hour one.
RC’s 12 Simple Rules to Follow for a Successful Interstellar Mission [spoilers for Prometheus]
Before I went to see Prometheus last night, I spent the week watching every space mission movie I owned. So, after a while, I began wondering why these missions are populated with the stupidest people alive, because as soon as these idiots step off their craft, compound, whatever, common sense seems to fuck off to destinations unknown. And after this marathon culminated with Prometheus, I began compiling a list of rules, simple enough for these morons to follow, to ensure a safe mission and hopefully cut down on casualties.
Planning to take a trip to some uncharted planet? Print these out and keep them with you.
Monday Morning Commute: Ancient World Cliterature
All hands on deck!
It appears that Spaceship Omega has inadvertently veered off course. Somehow, perhaps because Navigator Burton fell asleep after drinking too many Pepsi-and-gasoline cocktails, we have slipped into a pocket of spacetime usually avoided at all costs. That’s right, folks, batten down the hatches and brace yourselves! We’re headed right for it!
The beginning of the workweek!
As wave after wave of ennui, minutiae, and stress wash over us, we can rest assured. For every passenger of Spaceship Omega has a spot in the refuge known as the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE! What is this sanctuary, you ask? Well, this is where I take the time to show you the various bits of entertainment and mind-drivel I’ll be using to survive the onslaught of real-world responsibilities. Then, you hit up the comments section and tell us which floatation device you’ll be clinging to when your ass is tossed into the Ocean of Obligation.
Yes, beneath the half-baked metaphors and bleeding-heart-on-my-sleeve hyperbole, it’s folks tryin’ to point one another in the direction of cool shit.
Oh no! Another wave! Let’s do this!
Monday Morning Commute: Cryogenic Sperm Tails of Thought Production
Do you understand the spatial confusion that comes with the Thaw? Here I am, freshly out of my Cryo-Pod and pressed into service. That’s right, those aghast. Rendar isn’t here this week. It’s your boy, Caff-Pow. I was orbiting a particularly interesting noodle along the orbit of Charlatan-IV where the distress beacon run. It spoke to me in words and phrases I couldn’t understand; I wasn’t familiar with.
Beep – too busy. real world responsibilities. grown-up stuff.
Beep – do you comply, brother?
Being a good space-bound brother, I obliged. I may not understand responsibilities or the real world, but I do understand the humble request from a man who descended out of the same Momma gut as me. Entering my finger-prints-semen-saliva-testicle-taint into the recognition software, I jettisoned my temporary virtuality. Good bye, Charlatan-IV. Hello MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE. The column where we share those distractions that keep us cutting while peering into the oblivion of the wash-work-wank-rinse cycle that will transport us from one edge of oblivion into the next.
‘BLADE RUNNER’ SEQUEL To Feature Female Protagonist. Plus!, ‘PROMETHEUS’ Poster.
Prometheus international poster. Blade Runner sequel news. Just hit the jump.
The Dude’s High 5s: Girl Power – Top 5 Kickass Female Protagonists
With Mother’s Day fast approaching I wanted to pay homage to the fairer sex in some way. I thought to myself; why not send out a High 5 to the kickass ladies of Hollywood? I wanted to steer clear of the Suzy-Homemakers and the Damsel in Distress tropes that pop up everywhere. So here we go, 5 ladies that kickass and take names … no word on their stance on bubble gum.
‘PROMETHEUS’ FULL THEATRICAL TRAILER. Get Some.
Here it is! The moment you may or may not have been waiting for. The full fucking Prometheus trailer. That’s two trailers for you in one day! Don’t get greedy. Slugs.
Hit the jump to check it out.
Video: Guy Pearce Gives A TED Talk As His ‘Prometheus’ Character, Viral ++
This piece of viral rocket has been tearing up the geek bandwidth all damn day. While I was in class. Watch Guy Pearce give a TED Talk as his character from Prometheus. But more than that!, the explicit connection between Prometheus and Alien hinges on said dude bro.
Hit the jump for the video. The info. The shiznit.
High-Res Images From Scott’s ‘Prometheus’? That’s An Alien In My Pants.
The Hype Train is beginning to churn in the rocketing sections of my groin over the upcoming Prometheus. Here’s a high-res deluge of some of the pictures dropped a couple of weeks ago. My god, they’re full of science-fiction win.
