Sony has bought fighting game competition Evo. Like, woah, what the fuck?
Sony ain’t taking Microsoft buying fucking everything laying down. Motherfuckers have bought the world’s largest fighting game competition, Evo. Which is sort of cool, right? But at the same time, it can’t sniff the jockstrap of acquiring Bethesda.
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Timothy Olyphant may return as ‘Justified’ character Raylan Givens in new Elmore Leonard series. Bro, do not tease me!
Jesus fucking Christ, what have I done to deserve this? I’m not sure, but I’m fucking stoked. Timothy Olyphant may be returning to reprise his role as one of my favorite characters ever, Raylan Givens. Dude would be doing so in a new Elmore Leonard series based off the 2012 novel, City Primeval. Like, fuck yes.
Rockstar pays modder $10,000 for fixing ‘GTA Online’ loading times. Dude, I have the wrong skills.
You know how a modder, like a month back or some shit, found a fix for GTA Online‘s load times? Well, that motherfucker is now $10,000 richer. After implementing dude’s fix, Rockstar paid the dude for his services. Talk about a wild, wild fucking future. Also, fuck me. I really have the wrong sort of skill sets. Unless Rockstar is looking for someone to write very expensive press releases which involve sentences about jizz and Mountain Dew. In which case, I’m about to be fucking loaded.
Ancient Biblical Texts discovered in a “Cave of Horror” and this is a horror movie waiting to happen!
Listen, I just finished watching motherfucking 30 Coins. So I know a fucking Satanic Apocalypse waiting to happen, and that’s exactly what this shit happens to be! I mean, Ancient Biblical Texts? A fucking Cave of Horror? Let’s go! I’m tired of this realm, this flesh-bag, and the horrors of mortality.
Astronomers have spotted a black hole gliding through space. The cosmos don’t give a fuck!
How is this for equal parts terrifying and amazing? Astronomers have spotted a black hole just straight strolling through space. Give it a wide berth, I don’t think that motherfucker breaks for cross-traffic.
‘Assassin’s Creed’ producer Jade Raymond forming new independent studio Haven to work on unannounced new IP for PlayStation!
Folks, star producer Jade Raymond is forming a new studio to work on a new IP for PlayStation. You know, I don’t think Sony realized they’d benefit when Google hired Jade Raymond away from UbiSoft. Google fucking folded, Raymond became a free agent, and now she’s working on a new IP for PlayStation. What a fucking fortuitous turn of events for the company, no?
Monday Morning Commute: Stop Making Sense
Stop making sense, motherfuckers! It’s overrated. t breaks down when you consider the big stuff, anyways. So kick sense to the curb, and go beyond the impossible! Or, at least post-up here with me for a bit. My name is Caffeine Powered and I’m the Captain of this Fucking Glorious Calamity. The Space-Ship Omega!
Most important to note is that your Captain is on Spring Break! A glorious temporary reprieve from the grind of Existential Worry, Remote Learning, and a Sleep Schedule. It explains why I’m so excessively caffeinated as of right now, and also why my guts are full of waffle fries and a cheeseburger on a weekday night.
Perhaps being on Spring Break can also explain why I’m a bit chipper tonight! But that can probably also be explained by the aforementioned caffeine, my persistent undulating waves of manic depression, or the Talking Heads currently performing on my Tele-Visor. Fuck, maybe it can be explained only by considering all of those factors.
Anyways, this is Monday Morning Commute! Those who know, probably already know. Those who don’t know, probably aren’t here. Let’s fucking shoot the shit regarding what we’re up to this week!
I’ll go first. See you in the comments section, my loves!
Scientists have confirmed powerful antimatter particle crashed into Antarctica. This is how ‘The Thing’ starts, right?
This is one of those awe-inspiring news stories that seems beyond my monkey brain. An antimatter particle slammed into Antarctica. Like, what the fuck? Don’t get me wrong, this is rad. It’s, uh, also how The Thing starts, or something. But rad none the less.
Paul Reubens Docuseries coming to HBO from the ‘Uncut Gems’ directors. Get fucking weird with it, Safdie Brothers!
You know, I never thought the fucking Safdie Brothers would be producing a Paul Reubens docuseries for HBO. But, here we fucking are! What a wild, weird time. One that I’m thankful-as-fuck for on occasion.
Dude gets Christopher Nolan’s ‘Tenet’ to play on a Game Boy Advance. What a brutal teabagging.
Understandably, Christopher Nolan really wanted Tenet to be seen on the big screen. I saw it on VOD, and while I enjoyed it, all I could think about is how fucking amazing it would have been at the theater. Since them, intrepid motherfuckers have been getting it to run on a series of nauseatingly inappropriate devices. The latest monstrosity? Dude got it to run on a Game Boy Advance. This shit is equal parts horrifying and wonderful.
