#octoberfeast
OCTOBERFEAST – Reign in Blood
[OCTOBERFEAST is the greatest celebration of the year, a revelry dedicated to pop-culture’s most nutritious Halloween detritus. Plastic screams and artificial sweeteners have never been more bountiful. In the old country, villagers refer to the extended party as Satan’s Snacktime]
The OCTOBERFEAST rages on, undaunted by those protesters standing outside of the gates. With their self-assured smirks, those do-gooders standby with band-aids and pamphlets about PTSD and bottles of the always-refreshing Gatorade. Who the hell do they think they are? Don’t they realize that the proselytes of popular-horror can’t be dissuaded? And even if conversion were possible at some point, it certainly wouldn’t be on this date.
For October 7th is an especially important day in the OCTOBERFEAST cycle. After all, it was twenty-five years ago today that a portal to Hell was activated, granting a diabolical musical-daemon safe passage to Earth. Although this malignant spirit only appears in thirty-five minute bursts, the terror he instills last a lifetime. If you ever crossed paths with this October-beast, you’ll never forget the experience.
Today, OCTOBERFEAST proudly serves as Earthrealm-host to Slayer’s Reign in Blood.
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OCTOBERFEAST – Brach’s Autumn Mix
[OCTOBERFEAST is the greatest celebration of the year, a revelry dedicated to pop-culture’s most nutritious Halloween detritus. Plastic screams and artificial sweeteners have never been more bountiful. In the old country, villagers refer to the extended party as Satan’s Snacktime]
While Satan’s Snacktime is rooted in traditions of terror, it’s also dedicated to progress. Lookin’ ahead. Celebratin’ the future we call now. As such, the 2011 edition of OCTOBERFEAST will be known as a great revelry of inclusivity. After all, segregation sucks. Even in the candy world.
When autumn hits, all sorts of muthafuggahs be snackin’ on candy corn. And I don’t blame `em, cause that shit is delicious. You’ll never catch me complaining about festively-shaped handfuls of pure sugar. So if it’s candy corn that you include as part of the sacrificial dowry necessary for entrance into the OCTOBERFEAST, you’ll be admitted.
But if you roll up with a couple of bags of Autumn Mix, you’ll be commended by ghouls and ghosts and she-bitches alike.
OCTOBERFEAST – Paul Bearer
[OCTOBERFEAST is the greatest celebration of the year, a revelry dedicated to pop-culture’s most nutritious Halloween detritus. Plastic screams and artificial sweeteners have never been more bountiful. In the old country, villagers refer to the extended party as Satan’s Snacktime]
Paul Bearer is the most evil man in professional wrestling.
OCTOBERFEAST – The Masque of the Red Death
[OCTOBERFEAST is the greatest celebration of the year, a revelry dedicated to pop-culture’s most nutritious Halloween detritus. Plastic screams and artificial sweeteners have never been more bountiful. In the old country, villagers refer to the extended party as Satan’s Snacktime]
Edgar Allan Poe is perhaps the most celebrated madman in all of American literature. When he wasn’t drinking himself into a stupor or bedding his thirteen year old cousin-bride or snorting blow off of cadaver asses, Poe spent his time setting the precedents for what would become the modern horror genre. Oh, and he also invented the detective story.
It was a pretty solid life for a guy whose last days on Earth consisted of being found wandering Baltimore in someone else’s clothes while crying out for some mystery figure named “Reynolds.” Perhaps if this Reynolds had revealed himself, Poe wouldn’t have collapsed into a death-coma. But then again, perhaps the legend of Poe wouldn’t be quite so epic without a hazy opium-cloud of a demise.
Of all his works, The Masque of the Red Death may be Poe’s most explicit acknowledgment that his reckless ways would lead to a tragic demise.
OCTOBERFEAST – October Rust
[OCTOBERFEAST is the greatest celebration of the year, a revelry dedicated to pop-culture’s most nutritious Halloween detritus. Plastic screams and artificial sweeteners have never been more bountiful. In the old country, villagers refer to the extended party as Satan’s Snacktime]
The heavy iron gates have been torn asunder. Children howl, fire in their eyes and sugar in their guts. Geezers don masks, chuckling their emphysema chuckles and launching bottle rockets at the Hunter’s Moon. Women hike up their skirts, tempting the menfolk to make decisions most unwise. The torrent of maniacs has flooded the campgrounds – there’s no mistaking this dark carnival for any other event.
Welcome back to the OCTOBERFEAST!
Today’s festivities feature musical accompaniment, a score to facilitate the fermentation of the parishioners’ blood from a vital red to a syrupy orange-and-black. Yes, instead of bat wings flapping and incantations groaned, the revelers tap their toes to a sludgy Gothic manifesto. One born out Brooklyn, no less.
Let us all raise the fist of the metal child to October Rust.
OCTOBERFEAST – Fruit Brute
[OCTOBERFEAST is the greatest celebration of the year, a revelry dedicated to pop-culture’s most nutritious Halloween detritus. Plastic screams and artificial sweeteners have never been more bountiful. In the old country, villagers refer to the extended party as Satan’s Snacktime]
There are those who bemoan society’s current condition. These are the folks who love to reminisce about how much more wholesome things used to be, how everything used to be safe and hearty and family-friendly. You’ve probably seen one or two of these types in the supermarket, waddling through the aisles and grousing about the fact that we live in an era in which goblins and lunatic-geniuses encourage the youth to lose their minds.
If you identify with this perspective, it’s probably in your best interest to steer clear of the OCTOBERFEAST!
That’s right, folks, it is once again time to explore those grimy crevices of Hallow’s Eve often excluded from the prepackaged celebrations! So take a rip of the closest beverage, whether it be pumpkin-beer or your Uncle Edgar’s famous gasoline-Mountain Dew cocktail, and make your way into the campgrounds!
We begin this year’s festivities by issuing a missing persons announcement over the public address system:
Attention! Attention! Has anyone seen Fruit Brute?
OCTOBERFEAST – Trick or Treat!
[OCTOBERFEAST is the greatest celebration of the year, a revelry dedicated to pop-culture’s most nutritious Halloween detritus. Plastic screams and artificial sweeteners have never been more bountiful. In the old country, villagers refer to the extended party as Satan’s Snacktime]
If you’re reading this, you’ve survived long enough to reach the final day of OCTOBERFEAST. Congratulations. I can’t even tell you how many celebrants I’ve seen collapse halfway through, proving themselves too faint of heart to endure the satanic shindig. Terror-induced heart attack, alcohol poisoning, spontaneous combustion, sugar-coma – a ticket to this event also grants admission to death by about ninety-nine different methods.
But here we are – alive and demented as ever on Halloween! This day brings us the concluding activity, an event that anyone with a heart (even a black one) should enjoy taking part in. Today, for a few hours, we reverse the relationship between the dominated and the dominating. The powerless become empowered. The ruling class elite must answer to the disenfranchised. And in the process, boatloads of candy are consumed.
Tonight’s featured enterprise is, of course, trick or treating.
OCTOBERFEAST – The October Country
[OCTOBERFEAST is the greatest celebration of the year, a revelry dedicated to pop-culture’s most nutritious Halloween detritus. Plastic screams and artificial sweeteners have never been more bountiful. In the old country, villagers refer to the extended party as Satan’s Snacktime]
It is with the utmost respect and admiration that I present the following declaration:
Ray Bradbury is the official writer laureate of OCTOBERFEAST. The awarding of this position to Mr. Bradbury shouldn’t shock or surprise a single soul, as his work is the printed embodiment of the annual fright-festival. The bizarre, the ghastly, and the speculative synergize to convey a sense of wonder and possibility.
This year’s gala features Ray Bradbury’s The October Country.
OCTOBERFEAST – Vampira
[OCTOBERFEAST is the greatest celebration of the year, a revelry dedicated to pop-culture’s most nutritious Halloween detritus. Plastic screams and artificial sweeteners have never been more bountiful. In the old country, villagers refer to the extended party as Satan’s Snacktime]
There is no doubt in my mind that Devin Townsend is a genuine, living, flesh-and-blood hero. The man was discovered by Steve Vai and sang on one of his records. He then went on to front Strapping Young Lad, a band whose heaviness is often imitated but never recreated. And his solo records include some of the most inspiring art I’ve ever experienced.
In short – HevyDevy is the goddamn man.
As a bit of a benevolent screwball, Devin Townsend has generated plenty of material that could make its way into OL’s annual celebration of undead-pulp-malarky. For a time, it appeared as though Ziltoid the Omniscient was going to stop by OCTOBERFEAST but he changed his mind when I told him that we weren’t serving coffee, only beer and soda. Oh well – his loss!
Luckily, a suitable replacement has emerged!
To support the Devin Townsend Band’s Synchestra, a video was filmed for the track Vampira. I’m almost positive that the song has nothing to do with Halloween, goblins or even the horror-icon after whom it was named. However, this didn’t stop the video from taking the form of a live-action Vault of Horror adaptation.
Set within the panels of a comic book, Vampira shows Devin Townsend (in the same devil costume worn in Problem Child) rocking out with his band of skeleton-men. As the troupe shred inside of a cemetery, they dance about with a fearlessness only possessed by evil musicians. And unlike the Misfits, these guys actually tear shit up.
Also worth noting is the vampire babe that shows up. She’s not a ten or anything, but for a member of the undead (and a star in a Devin Townsend video) she’s worth a look. Her inclusion can probably be attributed to the desire to include a title character. Whatever, I’ll take it.
It’s the Friday of OCTOBERFEAST. Pop on Vampira, tap your toes, and get ready for the most wicked weekend of them all.
OCTOBERFEAST – Halloween Havoc
[OCTOBERFEAST is the greatest celebration of the year, a revelry dedicated to pop-culture’s most nutritious Halloween detritus. Plastic screams and artificial sweeteners have never been more bountiful. In the old country, villagers refer to the extended party as Satan’s Snacktime]
I’m going to tell you a scary story.
When I was a little kid, there was a professional wrestling company called the WWF. Don’t look for them – they don’t exist anymore. This company had absolutely perfected the slop-culture art of pro-wrestling, creating a product that was as enthralling as even the finest piece of art. The good guys were the best. The bad guys were pure evil. And even the maniacs captivated. If you were an apostle of the WWF, it was a beautiful time to be alive.
But lurking about the dark underbelly of staged athletics was a different creature altogether. Relegated to filthy corners of sports entertainment, this abomination took umbrage at its second-class status. This being didn’t smile and shake hands. It didn’t kiss babies on the forehead and say “God bless.” And it sure as hell set any precedents.
This ghoul was called the WCW. And it was the malevolent doppleganger of the WWF.
