Monday Morning Commute: Coming Alive
What’s up, friends? I must admit I created the column’s title and image above yesterday, when I was feeling decidedly much better. Today? On Tuesday? I don’t know man, I’m fucking tired. Slept like shit. Sam’s been waiting for a call regarding her potential job, so the entire house is feeling them stressed vibes. Teaching? A fucking grind!
But it ain’t all shitty, you know? The Super Covid Serum continues to work in my meat-bag, and I’m looking forward to passing the the two-week mark next week. Then I will be invincible! Capable of downloading 5G directly into my brain, scaling the tallest buildings, and communing with my God-Emperor, Bill Gates!
Anyways, I’m sorry I’m complaining! Let’s hang the fuck out, fellas! Fellas of any gender! Species! This is Monday Morning Commute! Per the column’s ontological imperative, I’m about to give a rundown of what I’m digging this week! Then you’re gonna join me in the comments section.
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Steven Yeun is starring in Jordan Peele’s next film. Hell yeah, now make it a horror movie!
I just sort of assumed that Jordan Peele’s next movie was gonna be a fucking horror movie. But apparently that shit ain’t confirmed! However, you know what is confirmed? The movie’s goddamn star! Steven Yeun. Fuck yes.
Views From The Space-Ship: There Will Be Blood (For Vampires)
Somehow we’re doing this column three weeks in a fucking row, friends! Like, this has got to be a goddamn victory. At least in recent memory. That’s right, I’m here to blast your ass with the strong shaft of Views From The Space-Ship for a third week in a row! Don’t worry, don’t bray, don’t neigh, though. I’m a heat-seeking missile for your geek prostate, and all you’ll end up saying is “thank you” as you quiver on out of here.
Oh, where the fuck was I? What am I prattling on about? Madness! Ichor! Mad ichor, and estranged senses of sanity. Anyhoo, let’s get into this week’s edition of Views From The Space-Ship. Join me in the comments section, you fucking punks!
Netflix paying $450 Million for ‘Knives Out’ 2 & 3. Director Rian Johnson and star Daniel Craig returning!
Man, good on you, Rian Johnson. After getting absolutely pilloried for The Last Jedi, you returned with the fantastic Knives Out. Now, that movie’s success has been parlayed into a $450 million deal with Netflix for two sequels. Mamma fucking mia, that’s a lot of Junior Bacon Cheeseburgers!
‘Alan Wake 2’ reportedly in development with Epic Games publishing. Don’t fuck around with me on this one, fellas
Could it be? Could we finally be getting Alan Wake 2? I had sort of written off the possibility, but then Remedy bought back the franchise rights from Microsoft. Since then, I’ve been waiting. Rubbing. Breathing heavily. Praying. Insane rituals, for an impractical hope. But it appears my incantations may have worked. Alan Wake 2 is apparently coming and Epic Games is publishing the title.
Beloved game developer Ikumi Nakamura is starting her own indie game studio. Hell yes!
Ikumi Nakamura is far, far more than a beloved presenter from E3 2019. She’s also contributed to fucking fantastic titles like The Evil Within, Bayonetta, and Okami. Now she’s bringing those talents to her own indie game studio, and I’m fucking pumped.
South Korean president vows to land on the Moon by 2030. Everybody getting their asses up there!
South Korea ain’t gonna be left behind, folks. No way. No how! Not in the space race. The leader of them motherfuckers have vowed that the country will land on the Moon by 2030. Goddamn! That ain’t far away. Time’s ticking, broski. I hope you all pull it off.
Jellyfish-Shaped object in Distant Galaxy Cluster sending out strange radio waves. Eldritch Ones, we hear you!
There’s a fucking jellyfish-shape objected in a distance galaxy cluster sending out strange radio waves. Now, I don’t know about you, but the source seems pretty obvious to me. Eldritch Horrors. I mean, obviously.
‘Rick and Morty’ Season 5 Trailer: More Meta-Nihilism arrives June 20!
Fuck me. You know, sometimes I honestly forget about Rick and Morty. This is despite really enjoying it! However, trailer for its fifth season has reminded me! As well, we know the season’s drop date. June 20!
Monday Morning Commute: Godzilla Ain’t Got Shit On Kong
Listen, I can’t speak to the classic installments featuring both characters. I can’t! I simply can’t. However, I know that in the modern iterations, Godzilla ain’t got shit on Kong. Look at that gif! He don’t want that smoke. Guarantee dude runs away, like he spent the entirety of his last movie doing. And then? Dude will probably roll up, blast Kong with a cheap-ass nuclear reactor blast, and everyone will jizz. But pound for pound? Grit for grit? Kong’s a goddamn mauler and we must respect him as such. All of this is probably just an overly long way to introduce this column with the notion that, yes, I’m officially excited for this movie.
But that ain’t all, folks! Fucks! Nope. I’m stoked for a bunch of other shit this week, and I’ll let you know all about them below. That is, after all, the function of the weekly Monday Morning Commute. Then you’ll hit up the comments section with your own musing. It’s the tacit agreement we have, friends.
