Next Robert Eggers Movie ‘The Northman’ is Dropping in 2022. I’m Ready, My Dark Lord!
Folks, we got a release date for the next motherfucking movie from the director of The Witch and The Lighthouse. Eggers’ next movie The Northman has been tagged to drop in Spring 2022 and I goddamn can’t wait. The world unfurling from its clenched asshole is bringing with it release dates for all sorts of fantastic movies.
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‘Spiral’ Director Wants to Make New ‘Leprechaun’ Movie and Demands Warwick Davis Returns. This Dude Gets It!
Spiral ain’t a half bad movie, and that’s because the director knows exactly what he’s working on. Now the dude hopes to rekindle the Leprechaun franchise and he understands one core thing. It ain’t no fucking Leprechaun without Warwick Davis. Give this man the property, and let’s get our boy Warwick back!
Freshly Made Interstellar Plutonium Has Been Found in Pacific Ocean. Space Up In Our Shit!
Some motherfucking cataclysmic event happened in outer space, and that shit sent interstellar plutonium into the Pacific ocean. Like, I love this sort of shit. Humanity usually thinks themselves divorced and separate from the cosmos. But nah, motherfucker! It’s definitely interacting with our asses, and this is a fantastic reminder.
Weekend Open Bar: Party Out In The Desert (Heat)
Classes are finally fucking over, my friends! Sure, I got some tutoring and some grading to do, but that shit is small potatoes. Stick a couple of them in my ass and send me into the desert! I don’t care. Ain’t no problem. I’ll return to you later in the day with some glazed baked potatoes and an impish grin! But legit, it feels fucking good to have a few weeks off before the Summer Semester cranks up! Cranks out. Cranks…off?
‘Resident Evil Village’ is Tracking to be the Best-Selling Game in the Series. Ya’ll Horny Folks Did It!
I really fuck with Resident Evil Village, and it appears I ain’t alone. The horny folks and horror fans have the title on track to be the best-selling game in the series.
Astronomers Capture a Star Being Stretched Out and Wrapped Around a Black Hole. Called “Spaghettification” Which Rules, Too.
For the first time ever, astronomers have caught a star being spaghettified by a black hole. Not fucking around, that’s the term! It’s used to describe when a star has wrapped its own dumb ass around a supermassive black hole.
PlayStation Studios Working On 25+ Games and ‘Horizon: Forbidden West’ Still On For 2021. Fuck Yes!
I’ve complained a lot about Sony’s dumb-ass moves this generation. I know, I know. But their first-party titles will have me continuing to pay fealty, and Jesus Fucking Christ are there a lot of them coming. In fact, them motherfuckers got over 25 games in the works and some of them are new IPs. Dope, dope fucking news. Also dope fucking news? Horizon: Forbidden West is still on for 2021, baby!
‘Venom: Let There Be Carnage’ Trailer: Do You Got A Woody For Carnage? Get It?
I thought the original Venom was a wonderful movie to get really high with a friend before seeing, and laugh your asses off. Which is exactly what I did! Will Venom: Let There Be Carnage offer the same? I do believe so, after this trailer!
“Dracula’s Castle” in Romania is Now Offering COVID-19 Vaccines. The World is Wild.
Listen, is there a more bad ass place to get your COVID-19 vaccine than Dracula’s motherfucking castle? I mean, I’m already vaccinated, and I don’t like in Romania, but fuck if this wouldn’t be rad.
Dave Bautista Starring In Rian Johnson’s ‘Knives Out’ Sequel and Fuck Yeah!
You know, I didn’t see this coming. But like, who the fuck would have? Dave Bautista is starring in the next Knives Out flick from Rian Johnson. But now that it’s been announced? I can’t wait for him to chew scenery with Daniel Craig.
