#Welcome To the Future
New California laws will provide free DIGITAL TEXTBOOKS to university students! Wha?
Fooey! What are these Californians thinking? Giving away digital textbooks? That is a fart in the direction of accessible higher-education, leading to…god forbid…a critically thinking public. Certainly they’ll be crushed by debt and won’t be able to find a job, but this is a great step. A dangerous one. I’m laying it on thick. Leave me alone.
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Somebody tried to hack the White House? Summon the Bauer.
For some reason I just sort of assumed that the White House was always getting hacked. Too much 24. Apparently it ain’t, because today this nonsense is making news. I imagine it was repelled by Kim Bauer screaming “Phoenix Shield levels dropping!” while squirting milk out of her left nipple. Just like how it goes in real life.
YouPorn declares they’re now on the Xbox 360. Change I can believe in!
With Internet Explorer coming to the Xbox 360, times sure are a changing. Gone are the days where pornography was typically located to flavorful descriptions of what some kid on Black Ops was going to do to my mouth with his rectum. It all sounded good. Never came to nothing. Now we got ourselves some YouPorn up in the heezy.
Head of HOMELAND SECURITY stays safe by…not using email. There is always that.
Here’s a brilliant way to keep your email secure. Don’t fucking use any! Goddamn. Why didn’t I think of that? I imagine it’d be harder to pull off if I was the head of something, though. If I had to run something enormous. Maybe a bloated off-shoot of the military industrial complex. Like, oh, shit, Homeland Security! I mean, I couldn’t possibly stay in contact with people without it. It’d be impossible. Right?
ROBOTIC SNAKE designed to slither through your body and eradicate tumors. Erm.
I’m all for progress. Science. Medicine. Don’t get me wrong. I just don’t know how I feel about unleashing a robotic snake in my body, even if that swag is under the guise of eradicating tumors. Eh, who the hell am I kidding. I’d probably get off on it. I’m freaky like that. How you doing?
Apple could be the first TRILLION dollar company between 2013 and 2015. Lots of iPhones, yo.
Apple is doing well. You probably knew that. Acolytes like myself line up and consume their products while plugging our ears to the horrors of factory conditions and the idea that other products could be superior. One result of this dedication is that the company may be poised to break the trilli barrier as early as next year.
Behold! A piece of glass that can store data forever? Say word?
Forever is a long time. It’s at least two lifetimes, maybe three. Scientist wizards have been contemplating what to do with the fact that all data decays, and that nothing seems to last forever. Forever! Now with some fancy glass thing, they may have circumvented data mortality.
And…IRAN has blocked GOOGLE. There’s that.
Not cool, man! Iran has blocked Google. One of those moments where I take a momentary reprieve from bemoaning the happenings at home, and praise the U.S for at least letting me look up pictures of Jennifer Lawrence.
PRIME MINISTER totally admits the government illegally bugged KIM DOTCOM
Kim Dotcom’s life continues to resemble one of bloated wonderment. The arrogant Internet maestro and source of general amusement was illegally bugged. And the prime minister is admitting it. Tremendous.
AT&T awards 11-year-old with $20k for anti-texting while driving app. The kid will just spend it on gumballs!
Texting while driving isn’t cool, and I haven’t done it in a long, long time. You say that’s because my phone has been broken? I say fuck you! AT&T concurs with this general sentiment, and they’ve awarded a fine young lass a considerable amount of money for an app she designed.
