#Welcome To the Future
Senate approves warrantless phone tapping for five more years. I see.
Looks like I’m going to have to keep my raging conversations about latex-bound furry scat porn confined to letters with my pen-pet pals. Damn, I was really hoping soon I’d get to hear their breathless inner workings on a phone, but I totally can’t do that with the man listening! Son of a bitch.
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NASA’s new spacesuit has that Buzz Lightyear swagger.
And here I thought that Disney’s dopest cultural contribution was giving birth to a hockey team named after one of the greatest movies of all time. Nope. Nope! Now they’re totally influencing (obviously) the design of NASA’s newest spacesuit prototype. Wee!
ISS ASTRONAUTS to be kept company by doll-like humanoid. This will end in tears.
In my mind, this story can only end in one of two ways. Either this little robot becomes sentient, and slaughters everyone in the ISS. Or someone falls in love with it, filling its nooks and crannies with their biological data. I can’t be the only one who feels this way, right?
Bitcoin cleared to operate as real bank in France. Future ++
What fresh hell is this? I don’t truly understand how Bitcoin operates, I just know it is some weird futuro currency that knows no boundaries. And it can buy drugs. Lots of drugs. Oh! And you harvest it. Somehow. Now Bitcoin is being cleared to operate as a real bank in France, and I am getting a nose bleed attempting to understand what is going on.
Watch: SUPERCUT: Helmet Oddity is 80 years of sci-fi space helmets in one video.
There’s something so deliciously fetishistic about space helmets for science-fiction geeks like me. I just want to like their clear bulbous membrance while cooing about how in space nobody can hear you cream. Keith Melton has compiled quite the spank track for freaks like me, issuing this video that captures 80 years of space helmets in one tidy package.
Healthy humans have carry nearly four times more mutated genes than thought. X-MEN ++
Oh fuck! We’re all X-Men. I can’t possibly be misreading this post. The way I’m reading it suggests that we are all shortly going to be given superpowers through our askew genetics. I call dibs on telekinesis. Don’t care what you have.
Cable companies must support streaming HD content in homes by 2014. The Man ++
Hey, sometimes The Man can go to bat for you. Cable companies have been order to support streaming HD content through our own little domiciles by the year 2014. This is baller status, freeing my need to record things into your bite-sized DVR hard drives. Let me have all the television shows! All the time.
New Apple Patents outlines wireless charging method. The future be good.
Wires are only good for tying up your loved ones, and slowly spanking them. In my future, there is no place for those easily-tangled bastards outside of eroticism. Apple feels me! Apple feels me! A new patent of theirs outlines the future we’ve been waiting for, a future replete with wireless charging.
Blogger proves holes in Ecuador’s security system by hacking president’s identity. Well then.
There has to be ways to prove that there are holes in a national security system other than hacking the president’s identity. While Paul Moreno’s swagger has to be appreciated, I have to imagine that there were more eloquent ways to point out the exploits. It’s cool, it’s cool. I just imagine this sort of activity could sometimes lead to a deep hole in a dark place.
US Supreme Court will rule on whether human genes are patentable. Futurism ++
Welcome to the future, flunkies. The US Supreme court is getting a case in which they’re essentially deciding whether or not human genes are patentable. I think. That’s what my fat head gleaned from this story, but I was also half-covered in peanut butter. Sitting on the toilet. Reading it on my iPhone.
