#Welcome To the Future
Disney buys YouTube network MAKER STUDIOS. THEY WILL ASSIMILATE EVERYTHING.
Okay, Disney. You know even like forty years ago you were called a Bastion of Cultural Imperialism by some. But now you’re just like shrugging and being like “lol, dig this you Socialist fucks.” Just buying, buying, buying up everything in pop culture landscape. ABC, ESPN, Marvel, Star Wars. Now significant YouTube networks? We get it.
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FACEBOOK buys OCULUS RIFT. My bunghole goes virtual.
Facebook has bought Oculus Rift. This is either the worst thing ever, or the idea of a virtual reality wherein I can finally attend to my dreams of surfing the Metaverse as a console cowboy is coming true. Most likely though — you’re all just going to be able to see my tattered anus scraps in all the dimensions you could ever ask for. I look forward to offending everyone in new, amazing ways.
Report: APPLE SET-TOP BOX may get PREFERRED BANDWIDTH from Comcast.
Ah! I knew it, knew! when the cable companies winked SO HARD after telling us they’d respect net neutrality that they were tipping their hand. Fuckers. First news of Verizon and Comcast throttling Netflix speeds. Now comes this report that The Big Apple and The All Seeing Media Eye (that bastard Comcast/Time Warner Leviathan) are in talks to deliver privileged data treatment over the “last mile” of exchange.
Mt. Gox “finds” over $100 MILLION of customer’s BITCOINS
Remember Mt. Gox? Bitcoin bank that filed for bankruptcy? Then hackers were all like “hey non-1337 assholes, we see you still have our moneys”? Now they’ve “found” (I’m skeptical, okay?) like $100 milli of their customers Bitcoins. Go figure!
Google removes underlined links. My teenage spirit wails.
Google has gone ahead and removed the underlined links from their search results. It’s a knife into the gut of my teenage years. Such links! So Geocities. Fuck, man. Time waits for no one, especially the Old Internet. Where format was madness, everyone had a website with their own noodlings, and I could find a fucking link by looking for the underlined text.
Dude accused of using A DRONE to sneak drugs INTO PRISON. Future++
All sorts of futuristic bullshittery dropping this week. A Bitcoin exchange may or may not be stealing like millions or whatever from its users while crying poverty. And now a man is accused of using a drone to deliver drugs to a prison. Amazon Prime Air ain’t got shit on this dude.
Hackers be like, “MT. GOX still has our f**king Bitcoins.”
Arrr! Welcome to the High Seas of Unregulated Wizard Currency and Mad Haxxing! You know how that Bitcoin exchange Mt. Gox was all “We’re fucking broke, broken, and destitute” and shit? Declared for bankruptcy? Well hackers are throwing the flag on this idea. Saying that the Japanese-based exchange, in fact, still has their fucking Bitcoins.
MAYBE: Sony’s Oculus Rift competitor to be revealed this month
There’s a good chance that Sony’s dropping the reveal on their VR headset this month. Getting ready to throw down with the Oculus Rift. In a battle of “Hey, We Took Thing X and Put It in First Person! Wild!”
Bitcoin founder may have been tracked down. Is all, “I only heard of Bitcoin three weeks-ago.” Yeah! Okay!
How is that for a fucking headline? Ice cream headache much? To catch those of you lagging behind up: the creator of Bitcoin has been cloaked in anonymity since its creation. Newsweek was totally like, “Yo, we gotcha!” And the guy is all, “Naw, not even!” Then somehow one member of the AP ended up taking him out for sushi? Huh? Ain’t nothing normal about this crypto-thingy. No way.
New $620,000 BITCOIN HEIST collapses another service
Another Bitcoin service has gotten rocked via online-heist-robbery time. This time it’s Flexcoin, who has suffered a $620,000 ninjaing and it will be a catastrophic thieving. Good thing I keep my Bitcoins in my Miley Cyrus folder, near my latex porn. Safe and sound!
