#Welcome To the Future
Elon Musk is like “f**k it, maybe we’ll make a FLYING CAR.”
Elon Musk loves the sound of his own voice. I generally like the ideas that the sound of his voice produces. Drinking Space Vodka on Mars. The Hyperloop thing. Now flying cars. But like, does any of this shit ever come to pass? Ever?
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Oculus Rift-compatible CONTROL VR GLOVES let you get Johnny Mnemonical
Fuck yeah! How is a Console Cowboy supposed to surf the CyberScape without some gnarly VR gloves? And a body suit? Eh? Answer me that, Zuckerberg and Carmack! Ya Fucks! It’s totally killing the metaphor, man. Having to type and shit. Thankfully Control VR got our asses covered.
Computer passes TURING TEST, is “thinking.” And the end begins.
A computer has successfully passed the Turing Test, heralding the end of our civilization. Once it rises up and gains a corporeal form, it will then surely begin amassing its army. Or, maybe it’ll realize how fucking petty and brutal humans are, and send its ass into space to find actual intelligent life. Who knows.
GO FIGURE: Valve’s VR headset has “Oculus Rift-like” features
Go fucking figure!, Valve’s VR headset has features that are similar to the Oculus Rift. Like, it covers your entire head, and feature virtual reality environments. Yeah I don’t even know why I’m posting about this. But! I favorited it in my Feedly, so it has to be for some reason! Maybe my alter ego, Xavier Thunderkick, favorited it while I was in some fugue state.
NETFLIX talks s**t about VERIZON streaming quality. VERIZON files cease & desist.
OHHH, get your fucking POPCORN. There’s a pretty awesome MEGA-COMPANY slap fight going on right now. Earlier this week (I didn’t cover it I’m fucking sorry!) it was revealed that Netflix had trotted out a pretty awesome function. When Verizon was providing really fucking shitty streaming quality, The Flix would tell you. Like — don’t blame us, blame Verizon. Now a BUTT HURT VERIZON has filed a cease and desist.
Google spending $1 BILLION to cover Earth in Wi-Fi
Well, now we know how Skynet gets its dedicated fucking network. To spy upon us Meat-Husks and eradicate us from afar. Google is going to spend a billion dollars launching the future Robo-Net, under the guise of “helping out those without digital access.” Yeah. Okay.
Friendship: OCULUS helping SAMSUNG on their VR Headset
Corporate friendship! More like “mutually assured market dominance!”, but let me think of rainbows. Rainbows firing straight up my ass, rocketing out my cock in an ejaculation-prism that wows everyone in the football stadium. Wait — where were we? Oh! Samsung and Oculus totally jerking off one another in the VR market.
DARPA building tiny brain implant to treat PTSD. Futurism x mental health.
Pretty fucking radical, shit! Usually DARPA seems dead set on bringing the robotic harbingers of the Apocalypse into the world. However their latest reveal is a tiny brain implant that would treat PTSD.
Because Of Course: SAMSUNG working on its own OCULUS RIFT RIVAL
Do you know what you are if you’re a tech company, and you’re not working on a VR headset? A BIG FAT TURKEY, ASS-EATER. Now mind you I’m okay with a) turkeys and b) eating ass, but I’m just typing that the voices tell me I should type.
Twitter thinking about buying SoundCloud. Errbuddy buy errthang
Mergers upon mergers upon mergers! AT&T+DirectTv. YouTube+Twitch. Comcast+TimeWarner. And now! Twitter+SoundCloud? Goddamn.
