#Star Wars
‘EPISODE VII’ CASTING SHEET sort of suggests MAIN CHARACTERS AREN’T SKYWALKERS OR SOLOS.
You’re tired of my dry-humping Episode VII speculation until the skin leaves my testicles in hardened, red clumps? I don’t know what to tell you. I’m excited about this enterprise. Very excited. Latest batch of news surrounds a Disney casting sheet which suggests the main characters of the next trilogy ain’t Skywalkers or Solos.
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‘EPISODE VII’ RUMOR: Chiwetel Ejiofor up for a role! Nice++
The uber talented star of 12 Years A Slave Chiwetel Ejiofor may turn out to be Force Sensitive. Or Han Solo’s dad. Who the fuck knows. What we do know is (we don’t know for certain) that the good sir may up for a role in Episode VII.
I’ll take it.
Watch: ‘SUPER SMASH WARS’ is the Nintendo x Star Wars Mash-Up You Want.
James Farr has created the most illy (I know that word sucks, fuck you) of Nintendo x Star Wars mash-ups. Combining characters, and music the little video is a worthy homage to both glorious universes.
Go! Go watch it! After the jump!
‘EPISODE VII’ Rumor: DISNEY CZARS demanding that FILM RELEASE IN 2015
It appears that Disney is fucking demanding that Episode VII drop in 2015. The franchise has been sold from a Tyrant to a bloated room of Money Grubbers. This was all known, but I hoped it wouldn’t impact the movies poorly. Others said differently. I suppose my more skeptical friends can take a free shot at my genitals. I will warrant it for now!
Watch: ORIGINAL ‘STAR WARS’ BLOOPER REEL
…Cause when you’re tired of laughing through tears about midi-chlorians, there is nothing better than seeing some genuine laughs from the cast of The Trilogy.
‘EPISODE VII’ Rumor: ABRAMS is now WRITING because he is THROWING OUT LUCAS’ PLOT OUTLINE
—wa—wait. The reason that J.J. Abrams is jumping aboard Episode VII writing duties with Larry Kasdan is because they’re throwing out Uncle George’s shitty outline? Well, why didn’t you fucking say so? If that’s true, I’m all aboard. In fact, I’m the conductor of that fucking train.
JJ ABRAMS (AND LAWRENCE KASDAN) NOW WRITING ‘EPISODE VII’, replacing MICHAEL ARNDT. Oh GOD.
Darkness. Darkness descending. My favorite refrain of “Oh man J.J. Abrams is a good director, but I’m glad he isn’t writing Episode VII” is no longer applicable.
Dope Poster: EVERY ‘STAR WARS’ CHARACTER from THE TRILOGY
Max Dalton is beast mode as fuck. Dude has conjured up a sweet ass print that features every Star Wars character. From all three movies. Eh? See what he did there? See what I’m doing? It’s pretty great.
Hit the jump to check it out.
‘STAR WARS’ RUMOR: DARTH VADER TV SPECIALS PLANNED.
Darth Vader TV specials? Hmm. They’re pretty much just going to consist of Darth Vader walking around like Sad Keanu muttering, “Padme…Pad…me? Buh-buh-buh what about Padme?” while Palpatine regrets saving his ass. Right?
(Hit the jump for actual info.)
‘STAR WARS REBELS’ VILLAIN REVEALED: The Inquisitor. WHERE IS VADER?!
So the first new character in the Star Wars Universe since the Disney buy has been revealed. He is also the homie that is going to be tormenting the heroes of Star Wars Rebels. First thought? Where the fuck is Vader? But then I was like — I suppose they need to give the heroes someone they can defeat. Since like, Vader hangs on for twenty years before getting rocked by Old Saggy Face and his hick son.
