#Star Wars
‘Star Wars’ Standalone Movie Casting: Tatiana Maslany, Rooney Mara, and Felicity Jones testing
OH GOD. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. We may get some Orphan Black in our Galaxy Far, Far Away. This is glorious.
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‘The Force Awakens’ Non-News: Original Cast Trailer in May
YEAH BOIII! Straight to the dome with the WHITE NOISE OF STAR WARS NON-NEWS. Did you miss Rotting Flesh Monster Faced Mark Hamill in that first Force Awakens trailer? Or Princess Leia? Or Han Solo? Well, temper your tits. They’re coming this May.
‘Star Wars’ Non-News Rumor: Simon Kinberg taking over writing first stand-alone
YEAHH BOIII. A new week, a new batch of Star Wars non-news. Last week the Phat Web Pipes reported that Some Guy Whose Name I Forget was moving one from his writing duties on the franchise’s first stand-alone flick. Now comes word that Simon Kinberg is going to take the reins.
‘The Force Awakens’ Non-News: Three actors from ‘The Raid’ are in the flick
LISTEN. At least I ain’t like one of them-there Movie Sites making money off of non-news, trying to dress my post up as anything other than me frantically tugging my fanboy force-phallus. Okay? Three actors from The Raid are in The Force Awakens and no one knows what the fuck they’re doing in the movie. Some speculate they are choreographing an action sequence. CAN YOU FUCKING IMAGINE?
‘Star Wars’ Rumor: Aaron Paul playing young Han Solo
This is the rumor, folks. The rumor that ravaged the pipes of the inter-webs this past weekend. Aaron Paul as a young Solo.
‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’ character names revealed in dope old trading cards fashion
The Marketing Gurus at Disney-Star-Wars corp have dropped an initial slurry of Episode VII character names on our asses. And they’ve done it in a bit of a genius way. The names are revealed on old “trading cards” the company provided to Entertainment Weekly. Take the names for what they are. Both Boyega and Riddle’s character cards don’t feature last names. So there’s something Abrams afoot. (If her last name isn’t Organa or Solo I’ll eat my fucking shoe.) Anyways.
Dope!
‘The Force Awakens’ Trailer: Old School Aesthetic Forcegasm
Rendar, Bateman, Riff and I trudged out in the cold and snow this morning. Spent $7. Sat through a litany of trailers. And finally got to watch the eighty-eight second Force Awakens teaser. Promptly left the fucking theater. It was probably the highlight of my year. Old school aesthetics, the fucking Falcon, fucking John Boyega, a fucking Sith, fucking FUCK. Yes. Fuck. Fuck.
‘The Force Awakens’ trailer also dropping *online* this Friday
This Friday, Disney is cloaking the goddamn fucking Earth in Star Wars. Much like how The Force cloaks, binds, and nuzzles up against the Universe. Not only are they rolling out the Force Awakens trailer in a goddamn fuck ton of theaters, they’re also posting the piggie online.
Rumor: First ‘Star Wars’ spin-off movie is a f**king heist flick
How about a Star Wars flick that’s a heist movie? Well I say goddamn! Amazing. And I know. All Star Wars all the time around here. Listen, I’m sorry. Listen, just endure. I beg you. It won’t be like this always. But I have a tattoo of Salacious Crumb on my testicles and my middle name was legally changed to “Dag..Dagohbah…Daohgbahaha System?” because I liked Empire but couldn’t figure out the spelling. I was seven. So like this excitement and obsession is genetically encoded into me. This too shall pass. But until it does! FUCK.
Panic Not: ‘The Force Awakens’ trailer dropping in multiple theater chains
It appears that Regal Cinemas just decided to fuck up my fanboy morning with anxiety. I was like, nine fucking theaters? One fucking chain? I was already planning fucking road trips and shit. But naw, they just dropped the news early. Multiple movie chains shall be carrying The Force Awakens’ first trailer. Thank fuck.
