Here’s the trailer for the final season of Star Wars: Rebels. I know the show is good, I know I want to watch it. However, I also unfortunately know that I’m fucking exhausted with the creative forces behind Star Wars jerking off to the same couple of for the past thirty years.

After the jump because fucking Twitter video, Jesus Christ.

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To note that Episode IX‘s production has been “slightly tumultuous” is akin to saying my post-pizza and Chez-It farts are “slightly nauseating”, to say the least. I mean good god, the movie is currently on its fourth fucking script. However, this news makes sense to me. The first script featured Leia, and was diarrhea’d out by Jurassic World Guy and his writing partner. The second was their stab at a script without her in it. The third, Sweet Christ the third, was a punch-up done by Jack Thorne.

With Abrams and his bland middling mediocrity coming aboard, and I’m being serious here, it makes sense to start with a fresh slate. Whatever existed before seems like a real fucking Frankenstein’s monster, and it is best to put it out to pasture.

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Lots of Episode IX news lately. Jurassic World guy was fired. J.J. Abrams was brought in to both write *and* direct. Now, the aforementioned film has been delayed six months. This makes sense since, you know, I imagine Abrams is starting from scratch on the script. I don’t really have a problem with this, despite my horrid moaning about Abrams taking over. Frankly, I don’t want any of Jurassic World guy’s script. Not only that, though, but I enjoy Star Wars movies as a Christmas treat.

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There are certainly worse choices than J.J. Abrams to direct Episode IX. Lucasfilm just fired one. But, man. I can’t help but feel uninspired by this choice, especially when I was quietly hoping for Rian Johnson to return. Abrams wrote and directed Episode VII, which was an enjoyable, incredibly dumb affair. Great characters, hilariously stupid plot. Oh well. At least us Star Wars losers will have competence, as Lucasfilm continues to make safe choice after safe choice. I’m sure I’ll enjoy the movie, while worrying about Lucasfilm’s reticence to do anything too risky and interesting.

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Want a look at Supreme Leader Snoke’s ground beef lookin’ assface, prior to The Last Jedi? OL and them Topps trading cards got you covered.

Hit the jump!

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Pretty much no one I knew, including myself, was happy with Colin Trevorrow directing Episode IX. Don’t wanna kick someone when they’re down, yadda yadda. But, I’m thrilled with this news.

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Here’s the second trailer for Star Wars Rebels‘ fourth season! I don’t watch the show, I know I should, but none the less the trailer entertained me.

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A fucking Hungarian film magazine’s cover, of all sources, has provided us Star Wars filth-stains with more The Last Jedi wanking material. Broken Dude looking Dark Side as Fuck (again), though really just looking like Broken Dude.

After the jump for the official cover.

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Your inclination, I imagine, is to take the headline as a joke. It is not. Apparently when Disney bought Lucasfilm, they didn’t have any money left to actually spend on ideas. Sick! Sick burn, right? Fucking sick! Sick burn! (I don’t know, I’m just covering up how much I fucking hate this news with my usual tepid intelligence and shoddy jokes.)

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We’ve sort of known for a good long while that Kenobi was going to be the star of the next Star Wars spin-off movie. I mean, right? But, now it is all but confirmed. I don’t know. I’m not particularly hyped about Lucasfilm just perpetually regurgitating and consuming and regurgitating stories based around established mythos. Would it be fucking insane to tell a goddamn original story within the Star Wars Universe? I don’t think so, but what the fuck do I know.

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