#Slop Culture
Monday Morning Commute: A Lunatic’s Life.
We were raised by glowing boxes and nourished by the aluminum teats of sugar-liquids. Now adults, at least in the eyes of the law, we cannot help but look at the workweek as an adversary. Just as the Spartan gazed upon the wolf.
To thwart this formidable foe, we summon the spirits for help. Music. Comics. Movies. Caffeinated beverages. And the like.
Welcome to the Monday Morning Commute. I’m going to tell you which weapons I’ll use to parry the workweek’s devastating ennui. If you care to join the battle, hit up the comments and show me your wares.
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Readin’ / ORC STAIN vol. 1
Holy shit! This comic is damn amazing! I spent Saturday evening reading the first trade of Orc Stain (collecting issues #1-5) and I’ve been drooling over it ever since. In one fell swoop, James Stokoe demonstrated that he’s a creator whose name is going to carry some serious weight in the next few years.
Orc Stain tells the tale of One-Eye, an orc with a knack for unlocking not just safes and treasure troves, but anything – with a whack of his hammer, he can dismantle an entire building. In five issues the series establishes its own vocabulary, mythology, and visual language. If you have even a fleeting interest in fantasy, blood-feuds, or hilarious castrations, this is for you.
POXA GRONKA, BITCH!
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Boobs, Yankee Doodle, And A Sick Car.
The following video is a test. If you’re a regular to OL, it will make perfect sense. If you’ve stumbled upon this den of horror, it will scar you.
There’s A Pac-Man Reality TV Show Coming. Apocalypse Now.
There’s a Pac-Man reality TV show in the works. This future-abortion is being helmed by Merv Griffin Entertainment, the fuckers behind Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy! I know it doesn’t make any sense, but welcome to the Wasteland, where nothing makes sense. Therefore, everything makes sense. We’re turning the board game Battleship into a fucking movie. Why can’t we turn Pac-Man into a reality show? Of course you don’t have a good reason! Here, have some details down your willing gullet, from Roy Bank, the Guy Of Some Importance Or Something from Merv:
A big, crazy Wipeout-type event with a lot of energy. The idea we have is to take what Pac-Man is and bring it to life, to bring what is essentially the world’s biggest game of tag to television.
I can’t imagine why this wouldn’t be a success and why we won’t all be stapled to our chairs while its on. Nonetheless, it isn’t the Pac-Man television show I envisioned. In my reality TV show, someone hides a bottle of Ambien in a giant grass labyrinth. While I’m searching for it, people chase me with blunt objects. If I find the bottle of Ambien, I then pound them pills and chase them, because next to the bottle of Ambien is also a corked bat and an unloaded gun.
I think this would make for much more riveting television, but what the fuck do I know.
The Office Gets Dubstepped; White People Pop Yo Booties!
Salad UK brings the dubstep to The Office, and I love it. Probably too much. As a white guy, I have zero coordination of the dance floor. But goddamn if this didn’t make my sad little ass giggle, while trying to swing my dong around in something hypnotically horrifying.
Hit the jump for the video.
DEFEAT. 016 – Bullseye Womp Rats
[DEFEAT. is Rendar Frankenstein’s truest attempt at fiction. Presented in weekly episodes, the novella tells the tale of Daryl Millar – a hero who dies at the intersection of pop culture, science-fiction, war epic, and fantasy]
Daryl Millar walked through the doors of the cafeteria, toting only his brown-bagged lunch and a growing sense of optimism. But then he saw his two best friends sitting on opposing benches of their table.
Black eyes.
Split lips.
The need for a call to arms.
Want Zelda Dinnerware? Got $15,000? You’re In!
Some internet being is trying to sell a new-in-the-box set of Zelda dinnerware for upwards of $100,000. The uh, gorgeous set was released in 1989, and is apparently like totally rare. The description on the eBay page mentions that some of the uh, hopeful $100,000 will go to the Red Cross:
The box is in excellent condition with some wonderful artwork on the back. There is a sheet of plastic covering the window on the front of the box which is still completely intact with no tears! The set includes a plate, a cup and a bowl. I have looked all over the internet for this set, but I have only seen people with the pieces of the set and not the entire set all together in the original box.
This is really a rare find and it is likely that there is no other such set even complete together in existence still today. If you are a collector of Nintendo or Legend of Zelda items, this is a must have. It was made by Peter Pan and is officially licensed by Nintendo. I am going to put a donation on this auction too because if this is going to sell for what it should sell for, then I think part of that money should go to a charity.
Starting bid is at $15,000. Asking price is $100,000. I got $75, who wants to go halfsies? It’s for fucking charity, ya pricks!
Via.
Stan Lee Reveals First Two Official NHL Superheroes; This Is Insane.
I am a big hockey fan. I am. Which is why I can say with assuredness that almost every idea the NHL has is fucking awful. Okay, I’ll acknowledge that the Winter Classic is choice, and this year’s documentary leading up to it was also stellar. But as an organization, it is routinely obvious why they lag behind everything else here in the United States.
File this under: yet another amazing disaster in the making. The NHL and Stan Lee have teamed up to create 30 unique superheroes under the title the Guardian Project. Comics Alliance quotes NHL.com which explains it as a “creative concept that organically and authentically incorporates various NHL elements but is not set in the world of hockey.” Oh, now I gotcha. A creative concept that organically incorporates the NHL and superheroes. How didn’t someone already think of this shit? Yup, this is going to breakdown the boundaries and get this sport back into the spotlight. Or, more than likely, it’s going to get two douchebags on Sportscenter talking shit as they fade out in some “Not Top Ten” list at the end of a segment.
Today, the first two superheroes were dropped. And good lord are they as awful/amazing as you could hope for.
An Omega New Year’s Eve!
New Year’s Eve! This is it for 2010 – last chance to dance! And I encourage you to do just that. Surround yourself with friends and loved ones. Drink. Eat. Play video games. Be merry. Most importantly, cherish your life and look forward to the opportunities provided just be virtue of being able to continue.
For your amusement, I present an (un)official NYE pre-gamin’ playlist.
Kinect Hack Allows You To Rub Virtual Boobs, Butts & Achieve Full Perv Status. [Video.]
Well, it was only a matter of time. Sex game company ThriXXX has finally done the perv world a solid and hacked Kinect. They didn’t just hack it for fun, no sir. They hacked it to create a virtual interface for rubbing boobs, butts, and down the road: a lot more.
They want to add full-body support and voice commands.
I gotta level with you guys. I’m a goddamn pervert, and even I find this shit uncomfortable. There’s something about menacingly rubbing some virtual chick’s bits as she stares emptily at you that creeps me the fuck out. Though, I’m sure, this will only turn (a lot of ) people on moreso.
Hit the jump for this beauty (?) in motion.
Christian Bale & Marky Mark Belt Out ‘The Touch’ From Boogie Nights & More!
Here’s a scientific fact you probably don’t know: Marky Mark is clinically awesome in Boogie Nights. And one of the best moments of the movie is when he begins belting out ‘The Touch’. Apparently that shit is from Transformers. Never knew. Do you want a video of him belting it out? How about Christian Bale singing the theme to the Powerpuff Girls? In the same video? Well here you go. I’m sorry for blowing up your asshole with awesome.
It’s worth it.
