Oh, Batman. Every once in a while you take the death of your parents all too hard. You drink the night away, set the Bat-Plane to Las Vegas, and wake up in a puddle of your own vomit and coke-nose-snot-blood. That clearly has to be what is behind this video.  Or, you’re some creepy dude dressed up in a Batman suit who fucked with the wrong dude in the sunbaked desert clime of Vegas, and suffered a debilitating fucking suplex of power and horror.

Hit the jump to watch Batman get fucking owned.

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In Hong Kong, things make sense. Whereas here in the United States we lavished sales upon sales on Avatar, Hong Kong saw a 3D porno beating James Cameron and his blue sons a bitches. Hell yeah, Hong Kong!

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Here at Omega Level, we’re pretty hard on the genius of Nic Cage. Everyone who frequents this Den of Horrors knows this. That’s why when news broke today that Nic Cage had been arrested for domestic abuse, more than three Omegalytes brought the news to my attention.

Shock and awe. And  disappointment.

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Listen, I don’t frequent boards or really delve into the underbelly of Japanese gaming, so when these stories are mainstreamed, I fucking love them. In  Gachitora! ~Hooligan Teacher in High School, you control a thug who through means I haven’t divined becomes a high school teacher. The thug  Torao Kaji, then does what seems obvious: tries to lure students and their moms into shitty hotels.

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After a decade of being separated, Nic Cage has been reunited with his copy of Action Comics #1. Like every other story in the world surrounding this Living Deity, the story is full of madness, and a glorious quote by Cage himself.

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Here’s the uncomfortable truth: time travel is real. It has to be. It is the only reason I can think of that China would pull off what they did recently. Motherfuckers banned time-travel movies and television.

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Oh sweet baby jesus. Take Arnold, smash him together with electronic prog metal, the Bat Cave, an Iron Man suit, Larry King, and the back end of a trailer featuring ‘Pump It’ by the Black Eyed Peas. That’s this trailer. Or, rather, that’s how you make a million zillion dollars. Fourteen retarded ideas, smashed together with a collection of aged icons, and some shitty music.

Right?

It’s amazing.

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[face of a franchise presents two individuals that’ve fulfilled the same role. your task — choose the better of the two and defend your choice in the rancor pit that is the comments section]

Superman might be the hardest of all comics characters to cast. Why is that? Well, whoever plays him has to convey the power of a God while still coming across as a down-to-earth, awh-shucks farm boy. He eats mama’s apple pie and shits lightning bolts. He’s jacked as shit, but not a beefcake roid-head. Capable of pulverizing mountains, but always wears a smile that warms hearts.

Yeah, it’s a tough one.

From 1993-1997, Dean Cain graced ABC television with a magnanimous performance as the Man of Steel. So impressive was his four-year stint that he’s gone on to secure himself a spot as the host of TV’s greatest freakshow.

On the other hand, Brandon Routh graced the silver screen with his portrayal of Kal-El in 2006’s Superman Returns. While the film was a disasterpiece both financially and plot-wise, Routh should be commended for his work.

So who is it? Superman from that wacky TV show? Or Superman from that disappointing movie?

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The Archetype looked into the eyes of Revolution. “How come you look so sad? Why, just a moment ago you were buzzing with enthusiasm.”

Revolution blinked. Unfeelingly. “Yes, I had been…but why wouldn’t I? I’d just bathed in the winds of change and dined on paradigm shifts.”

“And now?”

“Well, I’ve figured it out. We’re not enemies, after all. You are…you are me. From the future. Given time to settle in, you are what I become.”

The Archetype chuckled. “You’ve got it right, my boy! But don’t worry, you won’t be bored and sad forever. Someday, when you’re me and I’m you, you’re going to have to fight for your life! Such is the way.”

+++

Let’s take a peek at what I’m up to this week.

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[photo by x-ray delta one]

No more than fifteen minutes ago, I came to the startling realization that my wireless connection was conking out. With the mission of delivering the Monday Morning Commute, there was only one choice. A grim, terrifying, dangerous choice.

Sneak into Caffeine Powered’s subterranean lair. Hack into his data-relay system. Deliver the lode. Get the fugg out.

So without further adieu, I present my weekly dose of beautiful brain damage. After checking out what entertainment I’ll be exploring, hit up the comments and share your own prospective travel plans.

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Wondering/Where’s Randy Savage?

[Where’s Randy Savage? Right here. And here. And here.]

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