#Slop Culture
Dude Tries To Sell His Halo Armor On Pawn Stars. Sorta Fails.
Some dude (fittingly) named Ian went onto Pawn Stars trying to hock his Halo replica outfit. It doesn’t go particularly well. He runs around in the suit, showing how amazing it is before asking for $2,000. Much derision and uncomfortable sadness in the eyes of a fellow geek erupts, which we all benefit from.
Hit the jump for the video.
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Submarine Carrying 5.5 Tons of Cocaine Caught In Honduras. Amazing.
Say what you will about drug cartels and the such, sometimes I have to admire their ingenuity in finding new ways to transport their product. Mind-blowing ways. Take for example these motherfuckers. The U.S Navy with help from Honduras nabbed a submarine carrying tons and tons of cocaine.
Harrison Ford Bitches Out Chewbacca On Jimmy Kimmel.
Harrison Ford ripped into Chewbacca last night on the Jimmy Kimmel show. It wasn’t the most humorous skit I’ve ever seen, but it was nice to see Ford actually acknowledging his Solo roots. Earring still needs to go.
The Dark Knight Rises Trailer As Done By Insane Taiwanese Animators.
Next Media Animation is responsible for a constant flow of absurd depicitions, but they’ve outdone themselves here. Their own take on The Dark Knight Rises trailer features: Batman puking in love with Catwoman, Bane beating Batman’s ass in a Wal-Mart after Batman rings him up, and more. It’s magical. Insane. Insanely magical.
Monday Morning Commute: Livin’ for Sprayin’
Hello.
My name is Rendar Frankenstein and I’m the host of the soiree that is the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE! At the beginning of every workweek, I take off my conformity-jacket so that you can peek at the heart on my sleeve. But the Hypernerd Realm is far too vast for one man to map on his own, so I’m going to need a little help. After you check out my methods of leveling-up, hit up the comments section and share yours.
This is about sharing ideas, the most human activity of all.
So let’s dance, you grubby fucks.
Sam Witwicky: Greatest Hero of Our Time [Part 3]
(This is the final piece of a three-part analysis of the Transformers mythology. Warning: each article contains spoilers for the movie it covers.)
Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon: No Heroes Need Apply
After the events of Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen, Sam, in true American style, returns to school to fulfill the college rite of passage, finishing what he started (and probably running up a six-figure debt in the process). Though a higher education is not necessary for a hero of his caliber, it can nevertheless be beneficial in this country, especially if Sam wants to get a good, steady job someday. It looks good on a resume, balancing out other accomplishments, like being the two-time savior of the world.
Sam Witwicky: Greatest Hero of Our Time [Part 2]
(This is the second piece of a three-part analysis of the Transformers mythology. Warning: each article contains spoilers for the movie it covers.)
Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen: The Victory of Self-Knowledge
As the opposition, the Decepticons have a solemn duty to wage war against Autobots and the humans perpetually. If the chance to clash with the forces of good arises, then they must take it in spades; they must oppose. In Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen, this predisposition is sustained. They are back, again searching for a tool that can help them bring about destruction. But this time, instead of a cube, it is a destructive force that is repackaged in the Matrix of Leadership. But, fascinatingly, this search has been going on for thousands of years, dating back to the earliest age in human history when an original Decepticon, named the Fallen, tried to harvest the sun (and, with it, destroy all life on earth) because he hated humans. Luckily, he was stopped by a group of Primes (the original leaders and distant ancestors of Optimus) in a way that only heroes can: they took the Matrix of Leadership and hid it by sacrificing themselves to cover up any trace of its whereabouts. No one, not even the modern-day Autobots, know of this incredible history linking Transformers and humans. It was knowledge that could only be intuited by heroes.
Sam Witwicky: Greatest Hero of Our Time [Part 1]
(This is the beginning of a three-part analysis of the Transformers mythology. Warning: each article contains spoilers for the movie it covers.)
Every generation has its own hero, a character who stands for and defends the social mores of the particular time and place in which he or she exists by combating hostile forces and ideals that are detrimental to the preservation of the hero’s own society. These heroes, unmistakably present in all forms of art, are the life-blood of their culture, displaying and perpetuating what is collectively honored and desired therein. In his epic poems The Iliad and The Odyssey, Homer sang of the almost-unbeatable warrior Achilles and the cunning Odysseus to suit the needs and wants of ancient Greece. With The Divine Comedy, Dante Alighieri created a fictionalized version of himself to break through the barriers of the eternal spheres of God–journeying from hell and purgatory to a heavenly enlightenment–while facing the demons, ancient and ever-timely, of Renaissance Italy. And now, along these similarly epic lines, director Michael Bay has offered up the hero of our time in the Transformers movie trilogy: Sam Witwicky, the 21st Century American hero who speaks to and for us.
Face of a Franchise: Izzza Mario!
[face of a franchise presents two individuals that’ve fulfilled the same role. your task — choose the better of the two and defend your choice in the rancor pit that is the comments section]
One of the most celebrated rites of passage in the Nerd Realm is engaging in the Greatest Hero debate. Would Luke Skywalker’s Jedi powers confound John McClane, or would he manage to best Tattooine’s favorite farmboy even after getting an arm chopped off? How fast can Neo read universal code if Professor X is mind-molesting him? Can Wolverine’s healing factor work quickly enough to thwart off the three-count after Hogan delivers the atomic leg drop?
Fun questions to ask, no doubt. But only in a purely academic sense. Because, if you really think about it, everyone knows who our generation’s greatest hero is.
Super Mario.
I can’t even begin to think of a hero that’s done more than Mario. Every few years he hunts down a dinosaur, beats the shit out of him, and then brings his girlfriend home to bang her out. Oh, and by the way, she’s a princess – so you know she’s packing a high-quality rump-roast. When he’s not out hunting prehistoric menaces, Mario finds enjoyment in high-octane deathraces. He gets his broke-ass brother jobs. Oh, and the muthafuggah’s got a PhD.
With such crazy credentials, it stands to reason that it takes a real boss to portray Mario. Luckily for us, we’ve been graced with performances by two absolute masters. The only problem lies in determining who did the better job.
Monday Morning Commute: Scream Sayonara!
Ahoy! Welcome to the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE – this is the spot where I share the bits of entertainment detritus that I’ll be rolling in over the course of the next few days! Sometimes it’s neat and tidy. Other times, it’s gross and ewh. In either case, after you stomp through my mind-muck, it’s your duty to hit up the comments section and detail what you’ll be up to.
