Paul Krugman has seen the light. He realizes that the only way to rally ourselves out of our fiscal slump is for the government to fake an alien invasion. Well fuck, do you have any better ideas?

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For years I’ve been gathering friends on Facebook. People I barely know. Click Friend Request. Click. Click. All part of a master scheme of sending a fair amount of strangers pictures of testicles dressed up as Super Mario from random email addresses. The only sticking point is how to collate all of these email addresses. Facebook has given me a new tool of destruction, the ability to download all of my friends’ contact data. If they opt-in. Opt-in. Please.

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This sounds about right for a human interest story. Just recently an isolated Amazon tribe was captured on film. Now it’s thought that drug traffickers have ransacked their entire village. Sounds like every story about a yokel finding a rare creature and then blowing its brains out before scientists could get to it.

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Parents back in 1991 were friggin’ cheesed off, man. They had just bought Johnny Snotnose his first Nintendo Entertainment System. And now here comes a new  console that all the kids will want. Well guess what Mr. and Mrs. Smith, that’s what your dumb asses get for being late adopters!

You know how I got my SNES? I cried at Child World when my grandma took me there right near launch. Oh, I’m a bitch? Yeah well I was the first kid in my grade playing Super Mario World. So fuck you.

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The trailer for Star Wars XXX has dropped, and it’s surprisingly…entertaining. All right so there’s no fucking, which means that it’s pretty much just a fan recreation of A New Hope. Still though. Rocks. Brainstorm: is this thing going to feature Luke/Leia fucking? That’ll really get off the Jaime/Cersei shippers.

Also, it features fucking Porkins. Anything  that features Porkins is ++ in my book.

Hit the jump for the trailer.

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I’ve never logged into Second Life. I’d like to, just to see what’s going on. At this point though, it feels like coming into a millennia-long debate in the middle of it. Regardless of my interaction in this other world, it is doing quite fine. To the tune of $100 million a year.

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This is probably old. Nonetheless I came across this video today over at Behold the Destroyer’s blog. Thug Friends’ new single is Drunk Off Titty Milk. It is a clear sign of the forthcoming cultural apocalypse that I have no fucking idea  whether or not this video is serious. I hope it is. I really do.

Hit the jump. You need to see this.

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You have arrived at the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE — OL’s weekly celebration of fending off bad-vibes with fuzzy-feelings. I’m going to show you which bits of mindrot I’ll be ingesting in the hopes of adding some essence to my existence. After peeking at my goodies, you’re encouraged to hit up the comments section and lay out the modes of escapism you’ll be employing in the upcoming days.

In other words, it’s a game of show-and-tell.

Let’s do this.

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There was rioting over the weekend in London and while I didn’t admit it out loud, I had a fleeting idea I knew what was the cause of it. Fluoride in the drinking water, and a switch flipped by the Illuminati to destabilize the area so the Shadow Government could swoop in. In addition, a London newspaper had an equally insipid idea what caused it. GTA.

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Showing my age here. Domino’s had a mascot way back in the day called the Noid. I remember this because I was little and he was something of an animated clay homunculus who sold my young brain on the idea of eating pizza. As well, I played a good amount of ‘Yo Noid!’, the video game based off of him by Capcom. By fucking Capcom. This week the Noid is back, and so is a video game featuring him. It’s all on Domino’s Facebook page, and my nostalgia is bringing me into a weepy state.

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