#Slop Culture
Video: Mortal Kombat Flash Dancing? Sure. It’s Saturday.
Hey it’s Saturday, what else am I supposed to do with my free time? Think? Read? Pah! Watch stupid YouTube videos. Like this one.
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Video: Parents Tell Their Kids They Ate All Their Halloween Candy. Howling INC.
Jimmy Kimmel asked parents to tell their children they ate all their Halloween candy and tape their reactions. The results are fucking fantastic. Reveling in the over dramatic tears of the young? While conscious I would have been one of those blubbering messes? check.
Dude Switches Countries During Pro Gaming Tournament, Farts On Canada.
This is some straight up intrigue right here. Jatt is a totally uber League of Legends who was recently competing at the World Cyber Games representing Team Maple Syrup. However when those fucks were eliminated he switched teams.
Louisville Decapitron Is The Ultimate In Zombie Killing.
FBI Considers Juggalos To Be National Threat. Fascist Pigs!
The Juggalos are a beautiful national blight that I’m glad exist. A reminder of the banal hyperreality consumer driven identification scheme we all partake in. The FBI? They’re not really feeling them. At all.
55-Gallon Tub Of Lube Promises The Slickest of Orifices. Forever.
I know what you’re thinking. “Sometimes in the midst of raging carnality, I despair at my lack of lube. Goddamn if only we had been a bit more judicious with our usage of it last week, but Jesus Christ the cantalope was calling.” Now you’re never going to need to worry again. You can buy a 55-gallon tub of lube.
Dude Accused of Bestiality, Blames Shapeshifting Prostitute. He’s Getting Jobbed!
If there’s one thing I learned from True Blood it’s that people have poor taste in television shows. If there’s two things I’ve learned it’s that banging shapeshifters gets you into trouble. I wish I could have told this to an adult my age who is now unfortunately getting charged with bestiality.
OCTOBERFEAST – Grindhouse
[OCTOBERFEAST is the greatest celebration of the year, a revelry dedicated to pop-culture’s most nutritious Halloween detritus. Plastic screams and artificial sweeteners have never been more bountiful. In the old country, villagers refer to the extended party as Satan’s Snacktime]
As you no doubt know, OCTOBERFEAST is the annual celebration of shock-and-awe entertainment, those dastardly bits and pieces that we can’t help but love with mouths agape and eyes closed. The same way that cavemen would streak past brontosaurus nests for cheap thrills, we need to scare ourselves silly sometimes. And to do this, we watch scene after scene of gruesome murders, horrifying mutations, and savage acts of violence.
Again, the reason we meet year-after-year to celebrate this tenth-month carnal carnival is the fact that there are deep-seated desires in all of us to explore the sweet ugliness. Unfortunately, there are those that think indecency has no place in entertainment. That depictions of decapitation are in poor taste. That zombie movies are not only insidious but also trite. Hell, this moral imposition isn’t a new idea, but the self-righteous are proliferating at unprecedented rates.
Fortunately, there are heroes amongst us.
In 2007, Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino teamed up for the exploitation-throwback Grindhouse. This double-feature consists of two original flicks shown back-to-back which are also accompanied by faux-trailers. If nothing else, the experiment was a deal for the fans just in terms of economics: one regularly-priced ticket granted a viewer access to far more material than that which is provided by any standard flick.
With that being said, Grindhouse is also a horrific tour-de-force, a masterpiece for those who love blood and guts and gore and camp.
The first entry in the two-movie feature is Rodriguez’s Planet Terror. This flick is an over-top-zombie flick that sees Rose McGowan stealing the show not only with her scantily clad body, but also her firearm leg prosthesis. There’re gross-out moments with zombies exploding, laughs-a-plenty with some characters being more concerned with BBQ recipes than the end times, and conveniently missing reels. To top it all off, the movie has Bruce Willis.
That’s right – McClane himself.
On the other hand, Tarantino’s Death Proof presents a brand of terror that is more grounded in its intentions. This second flick sees Kurt Russell playing Stuntman Mike, a washed up stunt driver longing for the glory days of Hollywood during which the stunt people reigned supreme. To get his kicks now that he’s been replaced by CGI, Stuntman Mike offers hot babes rides in his car. Of course, there’s a catch: Mike’s stunt car is completely death proof for the driver, but nearly guaranteed to kill a passenger if it crashes.
Which it does. Because that’s what Stuntman Mike wants, and he gets what he wants. That is, of course, until he runs into a pack of bad-ass bitches that don’t take shit from anyone, including maniacs with film-industry experience.
Grindhouse is a rare treat, as it knows exactly what it is and revels in it. Tarantino and Rodriguez manage to simultaneously poke fun at the conventions of classic grindhouse flicks while paying homage and revering them. Additionally, clocking in at just over three hours, this cinematic collection is the perfect accompaniment for a cold, dank OCTOBERFEAST eve.
Video: THIS IS WHAT A DINOSAUR FEELS LIKE.
A little girl breaking down the ineffable blood-soaked glory that is feeling like a dinosaur. Little kids are so awesome and creative until we stick them into the straightening and edge-dulling machinery that is the educational system.
Hit the jump to find out.
But prepare yourself.
Steven Spielberg Thinks ‘Indy IV’ Sucked Too. Blames Lucas.
Indy IV was a giant crap-covered piece of cinematic toast, and it seems that Steven Spielberg was well aware of that. Spielberg was shooting the shit with Empire while promoting Tintin when he owned up to the suckitude and did what most of us geeks do these days: blame our sadness and failure on George Lucas.
