OL is proud to present OMNI: A God-Awful, Small Affair!

Keep Reading »

[WEEKEND OPEN BAR: The one-stop ramble-about-anything weekend post at OL. Comment on the topic at hand. Tell us how drunk you are. Describe a comic you bought. This is your chance to bring the party.]

There ain’t nothin’ on this planet like live music.

We create as many venues for musical performances as possible, from drug-fueled festivals to cozy coffee shops. When was the last time you watched a late-nite talk show that didn’t feature some sort of live musicianship? Hell, one of the annual highlights of the Superbowl – a sporting event – is the musical halftime show.

It’s hard not to be affected by musicians who’re willing to wear their hearts on their sleeves in front of a live audience.

Some argue that concerts are magical simply because they’re ephemeral. There might be something to this notion, as the performances infiltrate our memory-banks and eventually germinate into the stuff of legends. However, there’re also no shortage of concerts that’ve been documented and still manage to entertain, awe, and inspire.

What we’re talkin’ `bout, of course, are live albums.

So what’s your favorite live album? Is it a classic like Frampton Comes Alive? Maybe a hidden gem like Iron Maiden’s Rock in Rio? Tell us which concert album (or DVD!) gets your toes-tappin’!

Keep Reading »

[In an attempt to expand his insular perspective, Rendar Frankenstein became An American in Canada! Join Rendar as he tells of the wonders encountered while traveling through North America’s most jovial nation. It’s one-third travel guide and three-fourths misguided interpretation!]

The greatest attribute of any chemical dependency is its steadfast resolve. Olympic athletes may have an incredible level of focus, but even their efforts are diminutive when saddled next to those of an honest addiction. There are no external forces that’ll curb the insatiable appetite of a chemically-inspired jonesin’.

So even though I’d crossed borders and time zones, I still had that damn monkey on my back.

However, if you’re anticipating sordid tales about my forfeiture of oral dignity in exchange for heroin, you’re likely to be disappointed. I know, I know, I’d be much more artistically inclined if I used the drug preferred by the great songwriters of my generation and my parents’. Moreover, if I was going to break drug laws in another country, I might as well jump to the zombie-conclusion and rock some bath salts.

But alas, I’m a simple man and my substance of choice is good `ole fashioned caffeine.

As such, I had no doubt that I’d be able to cop a fix in Canada. After all, my two favorite types of caffeinated beverage – coffee and soda pop – are celebrated in every corner of Spaceship Earth. Nevertheless, there were some interesting differences in the modes of caffeine-delivery available to me during my Canadian adventure.

Keep Reading »

If you didn’t do the required reading, you may not have heard of this guy. Right now Charles Carreon is the most hated man on the internet. Now, I could give two shits about a ridiculous lawyer suing a site I find mildly humorous. But when his ridiculous actions solidify his position in the universe of meme, my journalistic instincts kick in, and I am forced to take notice. After all, I’m merely a vessel doing God’s work.

Keep Reading »

[face of a franchise presents two individuals that’ve fulfilled the same role. your task – choose the better of the two and defend your choice in the rancor pit that is the comments section]

Most us are nothing more than sacks of flesh feebly held together with some chicken-finger ligaments. We’re weak, cowardly, and directionless. The human condition, if you haven’t noticed, is not generally teeming with dignity. Consequently, we rely on those who manage to combine natural talent with hard work so as transcend the mundane. Whether into the realms of fiction or reality, we all venture forth in hopes of finding a hero.

So there’s really nothing more treacherous than when a hero turns his back on his admirers.

Unfortunately, there’re more than a few examples of our heroes failing us. No, these don’t include instances in which our champions fight on our behalves but fall short. Hell, dying for a cause might be the most heroic act of all. Instead, idols truly disappoint us when they disregard the joy and admiration we’ve afforded them, essentially spitting upon the very people who’ve forged the crowns adorning their heads.

So this begs the question – who is the most traitorous hero of all? Well, we’ve narrowed it down to two contenders: LeBron James and Hollywood Hogan.

Keep Reading »

How is this for a curious use of calculating abilities. Biologists have used their wizardry to calculate how much humanity weighs. The findings are being used to figure out our fat-footed impact on good old Earth.

Keep Reading »

Jambo!

After being dead for ten months, it feels amazing to walk the Earth again. To feel the carpet beneath my toes, to bear hug loved ones, to booze in the fellowship of my ka-tet. These are the moments that the universe is pushing us towards, the acknowledgment of those simple pleasures that can only be appreciated when our spirits and minds are where they’re supposed to be.

`Cause let me tell ya, there’s nothing worse than being a poltergeist. I’ve been there. Roaming about, looking for a place to say, nothing more than a broken spirit relegated to brief appearances and disruptive dispositions. I’ve been that figure that people’re surprised to see, and not always pleasantly so.

It might be a perfect way to be dead, but it’s no way to live.

—-

Welcome to the Monday Morning Commute! I’m going to show you some of the various ways I’ll be entertainin’ myself during the week. After scoping out my wares, it’s your task to make your presence known in the rumble pit known as the comments section. What movies, comics, beverages, albums, and activities are you lookin’ forward to rockin’?

Let’s do this!

Keep Reading »

People who can be wasting money are tots wasting money on some Steve Jobs memorabilia. I mean, who wouldn’t want to fork over nearly half a milli for a motherboard and a memo?

Keep Reading »

Quit while you’re ahead. That’s what she said to me in the back of the car and since then it’s made a lot of sense to me. Jimmy taut, the moonlight catching her curves. This dude who found a glitch in an ATM that allowed him unlimited withdrawals should have followed the same axiom.

Keep Reading »

Talk about ridiculousness, right hurr. During an abortion debate Rep. Lisa Brown dared to drop the word “vagina”, in a shocking acknowledgement of the anatomy involved in an abortion.

Keep Reading »