[WEEKEND OPEN BAR: The one-stop ramble-about-anything weekend post at OL. Comment on the topic at hand. Tell us how drunk you are. Describe a comic you bought. This is your chance to bring the party.]

Mom and Dad are gone.  It’s just us.  Alone.  In the dark.  This can only mean one thing.  We have to throw a rager.  Grab the kegs and hide your sisters, it’s time to burn this mother down!

While Rendar and Caff are off to the frozen tundra of Narina or Canada, or where ever the hell they’ve gone, they’ve decided to leave their baby, OL, to us, the B-Squad.  God help us all.  It’s not all bad.  If things suck, they can scapegoat us, fire us, and have us killed for disobedience.  If things run great it’s a testament to their leadership skills and eye for talent.  Of course if we manage to shoulder the burden of entertainment for a mere 48 hours, then it proves that they are not irreplaceable and must then watch their backs.  Things have certainly taken a turn towards interesting.

Keep Reading »

If you can’t get a little buzzed, strip off your clothes, and party with the monkeys, what is the point of being a lab technician? I don’t see the point.

Keep Reading »

[WEEKEND OPEN BAR: The one-stop ramble-about-anything weekend post at OL. Comment on the topic at hand. Tell us how drunk you are. Describe a comic you bought. This is your chance to bring the party.]

Ain’t any narrative experience quite like watchin’ a movie in the theater.

Some’ll tell you that it’s the communal aspect, the fact that everyone has come together for the sharing of a story. From this perspective, the big-screen is the electrically-charged descendent of the fire that our cavemen ancestors gathered `round. Stories are means of sharing ideas with one another, and film accomplishes this unlike any other medium.

Others suggest that the infatuation with the movie-theater experience has actually been rekindled by the recent advancements in home video technology. Sure, it’s easy to stay home and watch a movie on Blu-ray or Hulu or YouTube or Netflix streaming. But at home, it’s just as easy to get distracted by text messages or emails or the baby that just won’t stop crying. But at the theater, there’s no pause button — time and attention are consciously dedicated to the narrative at hand.

And still others attribute the appreciation for the cinema to the fulfillment of a deeply-rooted psychological desire. These folks, who read Freud and Lacan and textbooks that I’ll never understand, draw parallels between wombs and movie theaters — dark, comfortable, and designed for the unilateral providing of sustenance (life-giving and consciousness-altering, respectively). According to psychoanalysis, theaters are uniquely affective.

I won’t try to figure out why, but I know for sure that goin’ to the movies has been the basis for some of the most memorable experiences of my life.

Feel free to twist it, rephrase it, or ignore it, but here’s the jumping-off point for our discussion: What is the first movie you remember seeing in the theater?

Keep Reading »

Within the parameters of the Multiverse, everything that is possible is happening. Keeping that in mind, I ain’t surprised that Walter White has been busted for cooking meth. What concerns me is that the reality where that occurred is beginning to merge with our own. Gulp!

Keep Reading »

I”m still enjoying amusing riffs on Bane’s overwrought dialogue from The Bruce Wayne Climbs. Even if I am the only one, no fucks given! I’ve been known to cut a rug on the dance floor by myself.

Shit, man. If I was a millionaire, I wouldn’t be building arks. I would be…Well, I’d probably still be blogging and just worrying a lot less about the bills. Buying my friends like so many bags of Gummi Bears. Dutch millionaire Johann Huibers  doesn’t share my swagger. Dude is building his own Noah’s Ark.

Keep Reading »

This is the best thing I’ve seen on the internet today. Hit the jump for full pics and the info behind it.

Keep Reading »

Shane Butcher is pushing his chips into the center of the fucking table. Dude is cashing out, selling his entire existence on eBay. Everything must go, from kayaks to a chain of gaming stores. Anyone want to pool our money and buy this dude’s American Dream?

Keep Reading »

Yeah, all the various iterations of Carly Rae Jepsen’s “Call Me Maybe” making their way around the internet have blown my mind with angst. However, I can’t help but get behind one that combines Chatroulette and cross-dressing. Also, shout out to all the bro-dudes who go from so eager to stroke it to genuinely amused. I appreciate the tonal shift.

Keep Reading »

Want to know how to have a whole mess of fun?

Hide your grandpa’s medicine. Steal it from wherever he keeps it, and then put it somewhere else. Ideally, you’re goin’ to want to go at least two rooms over. After all, geriatric hips are rustier than robot dongs. And remember, you’re aimin’ to maximize your entertainment.

For example, if Grampy’s bottle of pills rests on the bathroom sink, filch that motherfucker and bring it to your kitchen. Once there, turn the bottle upside down and open it up over your dog’s dish. There’s no joy quite like that of besprinkling Alpo with Valtrex. Then, while you’re waiting for your parent’s parent to discover just how badly he’s been goofed, stand guard so as to make sure that Fido doesn’t start snackin’ away.

After all, the dog didn’t do anything.

—-

Welcome to the Monday Morning Commute! I’m going to show you some of the ways I’ll be keeping myself entertained during the hellish stretch known as the workweek. Then, you hit up the comments section and describe the weapons you’ll be wielding against the 40-Houred Beast of Burden. Yes, this is essentially electronic show-and-tell.

And no, you may not be excused to go to the nurse. Everyone must participate.

C’mon, let’s do this!

Keep Reading »