Oh boy! A fucking choir and poignant proclamations in this trailer!  So while it seems that Parker seems to be pretty stoked to be Spider-Man, I’m imagining his house of cards shall come tumbling down. ‘Cause though he seems to like all of that fucking shit when times are good, I’m interested to see how stoked he is when the villains shit down his lungs and he snaps Gwen’s neck with webbing. Sad Spider-Boner then, I imagine.

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Oh yeah! Wait — that Marvel: Assembling The Universes and Shit special was on tonight? On ABC? I didn’t catch it. Forgot. Thankfully for my ass, every fucking website is posting the concept art that Marvel revealed during it. There’s some dope stuff within, but I’m pretty sure everyone is just going to be stroking, slapping, or rubbing it to one piece of art in particular. Tony Stark’s Hulkbuster armor going head to head with the Hulk. Goddamn. Hulkbuster. Boner. Hulkbuster. Say it again, baby. Hulkbuster.

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If this ain’t a mess for a Marvel flick happening outside of its Studios Umbrella. Word on the street (or at least the Internet street, which is rife with homeless people, semen-filled syringes, and speculation) is that Fox is actively looking to dump pretty much everything related to its Fantastic Four flick.

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So X-Men: Apocalypse is going to be a 1980’s period piece? Maybe it’s because it’s the Friday before Spring Break, but I can’t muster up my usual contempt for Singer. It’s not there. I’m surfing a Sudafed/Monster Energy buzz that is glazed over with a healthy slathering of contentment. So I’ll say this: I hope it’s good. There. (But it won’t be because Singer is a hack and the X-Universe is a mess.)

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It turns out that Sebastian Stan’s (Bucky…and well, don’t IMDB if you don’t want to know) Marvel movie contract is longer than Chris Evans’. At first blush this seems confusing as Hell. Especially to someone who is a comics outsider. However, fans of Ed Brubaker’s run on Captain America (HI! IT MAKES MY DONG FROTH IN WAYS THAT DEFY ONTOLOGICAL EXPLANATIONS) know how this could work. In a glorious, glorious way.

Hit the jump for (what I hope) is accurate speculation.

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Yo. Fuck Batman Vs. Superman. In 2016 we’re finally getting Marvel vs. DC. A couple of days ago, Kevin Feige had chuckled. Hocked up what sounded like phlegm, and spit out what look like a nail. He had been asked if Marvel was going to movie their at the time Unnamed Movie away from its May 6, 2016 date. You see, that’s the day Batman vs. Superman was dropping. Not only is Marvel not moving their moving, they’re dropping a fucking hammer that day (or is it a shield?).

I love this.

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Like a month ago or some fuck, there was buzz that the Russo Bros were going to return to the Marvel Fold and direct Captain America 3: The US Is My Only Lover. Flash forward (making a fucking whoosh sound like you do, fools!) a month, and now the buzz has crystalized into fact.

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Liam Neeson! Bro! Are you even fucking serious? I got problems with you twice over. Now understand that I’m a fan of Daniel Craig, his craggy face, and his rendition of Bond. So I’m somewhat content. But fuck man, you turned down Bond?! To star in Non-Stop? Unknown Taken 2? (I loved the first one.) Damn, man. And if that ain’t bad enough — now you gotta tell us all about the fact that you turned down the role?

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You’ll notice that my headline has a lot to do with Das Racist (or Nas if you prefer), and very little to do with this clip. ‘Cause I’m fucking done! I can’t keep treating myself to these clips, or there ain’t going to be a movie left to peep. But hey if you want to check it out, apparently it’s the first encounter between Cap and The Winter Guy.

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I am not familiar with Kim Soo Hyun, but soon all the fanboys in the world such as myself shall be quite acquainted. The actress has been cast in Avengers 2: Age of James Spade. And more interestingly, Marvel ain’t talking about her role. MUCH INTRIGUE.

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