Quentin Tarantino’s The Hateful Eight saga has taken another new twist. This one slightly (read: incredibly) cooler than the announcement that he was canning the son of a bitch after the script leaked. The Good, Quirky Sir is going to be directing it on stage. For one night.

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This is some Jonathan Hickman levels of plotting ahead, right here. Marvel Studios’ Kevin Feige (his actual title is Chief Dude of Making Disney Comic Book Billions) recently commented that Marvel has planned seriously ahead for their movie universe. Like, fourteen years ahead. Either Marvel is meticulous as fuck, Feige is just talking shit, or a little of both.

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A Luc Besson movie where Scarlett Johansson doles out unfathomable amounts of super-powered ass kickings? Yup. Sold. Sold twice.

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More news on that Harry Potter spin-off, Fantastic Beasts. Apparently it ain’t just going to be one movie. ‘Cause who the fuck does one movie anymore?! Losers. That’s who. It’s all about the trilogy. Truthfully, the odd, pseudo-meta premise of the book (inside a book? I think?) has me intrigued. So while I’m not particularly sure what the fuck it is all about, I’m willing to preemptively dig on it.

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Be excited, b-e excited.

Nothing is sacred, especially our childhoods. Plastic face’d Megan Fox. Slap-ass plastic Ninja Turtles. ‘Splosions.

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Jurassic World ain’t playing fair. It knows I’m middling at best when it comes to the movie. So it keeps stacking the fucking cast with people I adore. First Chris Pratt, and now they’re rolling out my other Spirit Animal? Jake Johnson? God dammit.

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I don’t even know what the fuck to think about Jupiter Ascending. Like…every time I see new promotional materials for the movie  my only thought is “how the fuck did this get made?” It looks equal parts expensive, absurd, intriguing, horrible, terrifying, confusingly erotic, and entertaining. I desperately want it either to be a) good, or b) so bad I can laugh while enjoying the visuals.

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Man. Dane DeHaan usually looks haggard as fuck, but this is some next-level disgusting shit. Check out this more-than-we-need look at the talented actor as the Green Goblin.

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Uhhh. So like, how about this one? Bradley Cooper? Indiana Jones? That’s the word out of Latino Review’s corner of the rotting carcass that is the Pop Culture Interwebs. And friends, they get a lot of things right when it comes to rumors. But fuck yo, I don’t know how I feel about this. Whatever. I’m just going to nod to myself and repeat the phrase “It can’t be worse than Crystal Skull” until I attain Nirvana. Or go back to playing Second Son. One of those two.

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