This is Monday Morning Commute. During Sprang Break! Spring Break! Sprang Spring Break Break! What’s up, meat-bags. How are the Feeds treating you? Do you feel well? Has your primal reptile-brain-piece been sated by the constant deluge of gifs, memes, lists, inconsequential SportNews, and other miscellany? Of course not. Of course not. We cannot ever get enough, for the Physical can never be Sated. Such is life. Such is life.

Upload your mind to a computer and face the horror that you cannot slough off Primordial Want simply when you slough off your mortal coil. Genetics transcend the Physical. They’re hard-coded into our circuits, no matter whether those circuits eat up meat-space or cyber-space.

But hey, that’s fucking okay. We’re in this together. Whether we’re nano-clouds in the NanoCloud, or whether we’re meat-monkeys in the HardSpace.

While we’re here, Here, or here, let’s share what we’re looking forward to this week. Let us share the various distractions that we hope will (and secretly know will not) fill the gaping maw in our Existential Guts.

I’ll go first. I hope you join me in the comments.

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It’s Monday. My wife is away. I’m covered in calzone grease, and snot from the jalapenos in said calzone that have my nose running. I’m tired. The dog won’t stop barking. I’m tired. But Spring Break is soon! My wife will be home eventually. This too will pass. This life too will pass. This universe too will pass. What can you do? Eh. And I mean. Plus! plus, I got these various things that I’m enjoying/looking forward to/thinking about/et cetera.

This is Monday Morning Commute.

What are you up to this week?

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I’m just tired today, man. I don’t know what is is, perhaps just a case of the Mondays? Or maybe I’m just feeling a bit of the ennui because there’s nothing I’m really looking forward to this week? Usually I have something to hang my hat on – a new episode of a fave show, a new comic book dropping, or at the very least, a movie to entertain my brain-box. This week, though? Nothing, man. Nothing new at least. Just the usual week. Sam’s going away Saturday for business, I’m still overeating, America’s Favorite Fascist keeps running primaries. It’s pretty much stasis for this guy.

But uh, I suppose I am digging some stuff? Maybe?

I’ll share my sweatings for the seven days coming. Then hopefully you inspire me.

This is Monday Morning Commute.

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Got my sweatpants on. Got dinner in my guts. Got Monday Night RAW on the television. Life is good. Life is good. Typing out Monday Morning Commute. The column where we share what we’re looking forward to during a week. The movies that we wanna watch, maybe the albums that are hitting our ear drums, the comic books that are rocking our fanboy balls.

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Welcome to Monday Morning Commute, scum-lords. It’s a fairly nondescript week for me. Nothing really coming up. Maybe seeing a flick with the BetterHalf. Listening to TheMusic. Spending time in VideoGameWorld. Some weeks the world pops, with a litany of excitement awaiting me. Some weeks the world drags, offering up nothing special in the way of respite from the grind.

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Ain’t no commuting for me, today! Remember how last Friday I mentioned that I called an audible and opted-out of commuting in the fucking snow? Well — today — the UniversityCzars saw fit to pull the plug on the school day. I don’t know if it has anything to do (I imagine it doesn’t, but it’s hilarious to track the students’ apoplexy on the social media platform) with the countless caterwauling of students towards them on Twitter for not cancelling Friday, but the school did it. No school. No commute. Just me, my unwashed ass, and the dim glow of the ForeverBox pumping in the EndlessEchoChamberof(Non)News and Banality. Maybe a dog walk (or two). Relaxing. Wife’s home, too. I’ll take these Circumstances.

However! Just because I ain’t commuting today, don’t mean that I don’t have to share with you what I’m up to this week! So this is still Monday Morning Commute!

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Yeah, yeah, yeah. This ain’t Monday Morning Commute. It’s Tuesday Morning Commute, and I’m barely goddamn sorry! Nothing like hitting the workweek hard to remind you of your own entropic plummet towards oblivion. Days like yesterday remind me of one of my favorite passages from Palahniuk’s Survivor, “Time is running out. There isn’t the kind of energy you used to have. You start to slow down. You start to give in” (263). Maybe five years ago, I have a busy day of work, I come home. Churn out thirteen articles for the next two days, jack off three times, eat dinner, jack off three more times, and play seven hours of Mass Effect.

These days? I come home, kiss my wife on the head, throw my backpack to the ground, put on sweatpants, and watch Jeopardy.

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Hello SlimeLords, you slithering salacious rot-souls. Clamber into my compartment aboard the Space-Ship Omega and lend me your ocular-meat. I’m going to describe to you the various things I’m looking forward to this week. What is on my mind. What is on your mind! I have telepathy! And caffeine! And telepathy! And a hearty desire to regal your loved ones with falsified tales from your unfortified mouths! Telepathy!

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How are you folks doing? Man — it’s been a minute since I sat down at my computer. Or, I suppose, sat my laptop down upon me. Spent the weekend hanging out with friends, slinging insane amounts of caffeine into my veins. Watching grown men throw balls into the air while I bark at them nonsensically. Imbuing the frivolities with so much importance, way too much importance, playing right into the distractionary hands of The Powers That Be.

But hey. It’s with friends. There are probably worse ways to spend the weekend than eating too much, farting too much, laughing too much, and the such, right? Even if the macguffin is SportEvent.

Anyways — now that I am at my computer, I shall compose this. Monday Morning Commute!

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It’s another edition of Monday Morning Commute, folks. Borne up out of the primordial sludge that are my synapses. Rotted neuro-wires shooting electricity aimlessly across the hollowed-dome of my brain-piece. My poor taste strained through the rotting diaper filled with the refuse of a consumed Elder One’s husk.

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