Welcome to Weekend Open Bar. The column at the end of the Internet, and Work Week, and Conceivable Limits of Good Taste. Within these Wide Walls we saunter up to a round table at the heart of the Space-Ship. And there we unwind with musings about the weekend: what we’re eating, what we’re thinking, what we’re watching-reading-playing. Gifs and giggles and gregarious behavior.

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Monday, motherfuckers. Another day at the beginning of another week. For those of us on the M-F Grind, Monday heralds yet another blitz through the whirling blades of the Existential Gauntlet. But fear not, friends. The Man has peppered our lives with another Meaningless Morsels to keep us just Fat, Happy, and Distracted Enough from pulling plugs and diving into stark abysses.

These are the Meaningless Morsels I’m enjoying this week. Please share your own.

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Watch your fucking step. It’s a goddamn cold one out there. At least if you’re like yours truly, living in the Northeast Quadrant of the Empire Proper. But should not grouse too loudly, for I am lucky enough to be able to ignite the heating-systems on my room in the Space-Ship. Huddle up underneath blankets of Local Sporting Team, plug into the OMNI-NETS, and converse with you folk. The specific topic of our conversation? Well seeing that this is Monday Morning Commute, let us discus what we are stoked for this week. What are the TV shows, sporting events, philosophical treatises, and tumblr accounts getting you through this latest installment of grind?

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Or, in other words, the fucking work week looms. The Christmas/New Year’s Siesta is ending, and we are all shuffling back to the Glue Factory. To pay our dues. Until we become the glue. So whether you’ve already started back (I have) or you’re marching back Monday, let’s drink to the fleeting Weekend. This is the Open Bar.

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I generally fucking hate Year-End Best Of lists. They invariably turn into nitpicking, criticizing, and semantics. That fucking word, “Best.” Who gives a shit what was best? I don’t. So instead, at the end of this year, I’m presenting to you my favorites in pop culture. And I hope that this list can kickstart some friendly banter and sharing of our enjoyments, as opposed to bitching, moaning, and arguing. Liking shit is dope, and these are the shits I liked the most.

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Holy Tits on a Sacred Idol, I haven’t issued forth a meaningless communique in six days? ‘Tis the season for negligence or something. Is this inter-microphone on? Is anyone hearing this? Or am I, as always, a captive spectator in the Theater of My Own Mind? None the less. Here I am. Over-caffeinated, under-medicated, and ready to dive headfirst into Monday Morning Commute. The column where we share what we’re excited for during a given week. Maybe it’s a movie. Maybe it’s a meal. Maybe it’s a secret rendezvous in a Burger King bathroom with an omni-gendered, multiverse alien with all the holes, phalanges, phalluses, and proclivities to finally sate a very (very) nuanced sexual appetite.

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Hello, friends! And welcome again to a late edition of Monday Morning (Tuesday Afternoon) Commute. What can I say? Other than I thought I was going to have more time during my break than is actually proving true. However, in addition to being busier than expect, I’ve been spending my time with friends and family. Chemically altered and smiling through the evenings in the company of the Great and Inspiring familiars. Anyways — here’s what I’m up to this week. Share your own list of the Shit Being Enjoyed, Food Being Consumed, and Other Miscellany across the next seven days.

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Hey, friends! How are you? You may have noticed I haven’t been rockin’ and rollin’ around here much lately. And I’ve been off! For two days straight! The fuck, Caff?! Let me level with you: I’m sort of fucking exhausted with the Internet. Clickbait, Buzzword, Non-News, Hype-Piece, Funny Video, Buzzword, Clickbait, Release Date. Blah, blah, blah. My interest comes. And my interest goes. Such is the life of a bi-polar. Right now it’s scraping the bottom of the barrel.

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It’s Monday Morning Commute! Er. It’s Tuesday Afternoon Commute! How you folks doing? Me? I’m on my first day of break. And honestly I feel like I should be enjoying it more than I am. As a man of routine, the obliteration of my Daily Planner leaves me confused. Lost. Should I be productive and write? Or consume 3,000 calories? Go to the gym? Or play nine hours of Grand Theft Auto 5? My penchant is a predilection for self-destruction. So here are the various things I’m relying on to keep me (somewhat) functioning this week.

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Oh fuck! It’s Friday! Oh fuck! The semester is over! Which means this is a very special edition of Weekend Open Bar, the column where we come together to chat during the weekend. The column where we share our plans, our eats, our gifs, our drunken musings.

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