Hello, friends! It’s Weekend Open Bar! Pull a chair up to the hearth. Summon your favorite chemicals from the servo-droid behind the counter. Pop off your pants, oh, I know, they’re a bit tight from this week’s corpulence. And relax! Just straight-up fucking relax with me. Your co-host, your champion, your spirit-guide. Let us move together through a miasma of revelry, consumption, contemplation, and companionship.

What are you up to this weekend, comrades? Shoving any old ladies out of the way for a discounted blender at TarMart? Catching up on any stories on the TeleVisor? Trying to rationalize the utter depravity that is your diet these past few days?

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How’s it going, folks? Are you segueing into Corpulence Season well? You must prepare to fulfill your duty as a member of the Empire!

Consumption! Things! Stuff! Food! Consumption! Consumption! Consumption!

Hail, Hail, Hail!

Toe the line! Nay, stand in line! You must be checking out mentally while checking out virtually, physically! The form doesn’t matter, only the consumption! The filling and emptying of stomachs, shopping carts, bank accounts, guts, shelves, savings.

Consumption! Things! Stuff! Food! Consumption! Consumption! Consumption!

That’s a negative spin on the whole ordeal, isn’t it?

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So like yeah, Bateman confesses to banging pillows when he was an adolescent. We also, you know, suck. And if that isn’t enough, we contemplate the disgusting nature of Donkey Kong’s Candy Kong, and other such garbage.

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Woah! Oh! Shit! Woah oh shit shit oh woah! It’s Desktop Thursdays! I’m currently: burning the fuck out of my mouth, trying to house some chili. I’m currently: supposed to be on my way to the gym. I’m currently: typing this up in a hurry, so I can finish the aforementioned two other activities! It’s Desktop Thursdays! Check out my world(s), and then share your own!

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New SNES Saturdays, comrades! Bateman and I continue to suck, both existentially and at Donkey Kong Country! Join us as we talk Thor: Ragnarok, how annoying Eleven is on Stranger Things, and other miscellany.

Per usual, like, share, subscribe, whatever, yadda yadda on YouTube and Twitch.

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Friends! Friends. I’m at a level of fatigue that I do not usually reach. Oh, the ethers from beyond beckon me towards slumber. Like not eternal slumber, don’t get me wrong. More like, oh, I don’t know. Eating six Pop Tarts, drowning my esophagus in ice cream, and drifting off. Drifting off where? Ideally to the Astral Plane for a good twelve or so hours. Just ripping ass, snoring, and healing my weakened mind-shafts.

The good news?

The good news is that I am of that privileged sort that has the weekends off.

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It’s that time again, motherfuckers. Indeed, it is that time again. That point in the week where I share the view from my carbohydrate-heavy, popculture-slickened gilded cage. That’s right, it’s Desktop Thursdays! Per usual, I hope you share a look into your own world in the comments section.

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…and a fucking hearty salutation to everyone! As I predicted last week, it seems that Tuesday Evenings are the new Monday Morning this semester. I’m going to level with you folks, I’m fucking tired these days. My malignant malaise is equal parts Being In The Teeth of the Semester, Chemical Imbalance, and an Ever Increasing Lack of Sunlight.

Why, just mustering up this column begs a good amount out of me.

You know, after a ten hour work day.

You know, after going to the gym.

You know, after unpacking my bags.

You know, after walking the dog.

So on, and so forth.

But, I’m here. Hopefully, you are too. This is Monday Morning Commute. On a Tuesday Evening. Within these walls, I’m going to tell you what’s getting me through the week.

What I’m watching.

What I’m playing.

Et cetera.

I hope you’ll join me in the comments section with your own happenings.

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It’s the fucking Weekend, dude. It’s fucking Weekend, dude, and not a moment too soon.

This hermetic, extroverted-introvert has been stumbling through this week. Somewhat, nay, totally viewing Friday afternoon as a refuge seemingly never arriving. Last weekend’s Weddings Doubleheader just left me goddamn mentally depleted. Look at all the fucking italics! Look at all the emphasis! Delirious! Drunk off emotional expenditure!

It’s the fucking Weekend, dude. It’s fucking Weekend, dude, and not a moment too soon.

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What’s up, folks?

A simple salutation to the fellow mutations that may come across this Den of Trash. This right here is Desktop Thursdays. This right here is the weekly window into the rotting meat-guts of my existence. What that generally means is a couple pictures of my dog, a random picture of some portion of my house, and then maybe a picture of my better half.

This week, this week adheres to said established format.

So, take in the post. Then share a glimpse in the comments.

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