I used to believe in the `ole “Better late than never” adage.

But then there was that time that I was late in delivering that CD with the software update which told the Home Health Bots to not rape their clients. Boy oh boy, was Dr. Stephen J. Vunderlust upset with me! And he had good reason, too! The phone lines lit up like a Fifth of July hangover, with the receiver screeching out horrid details about old folks and invalids being robot-raped. Relentlessly. Until expiration.

So yeah, sometimes it’s not okay to be late.

But alas! This is the Monday Morning Commute and my tardiness ain’t resultin’ in any forced sodomy! This is the spot where I show you how I’ll be spending the next few days. Y’know, what I’ll be doin’ to kill time and avoid the type of boredom only available to First World Denizens of this Strange Future-Present. Anyways, then you hit up the comments section and share your upcoming activities.

Don’t be late to this ball — let’s dance!

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I’ve always sort of interpreted the ending to The Killing Joke as The Bats finally killing the Joker. So I’m going to double-down on my belief, supported by the Wizard Mind of the Intergalactic Shaman of Comics.

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Miles Morales was really neat because he was a half-Hispanic, half-African American who was the Spider-Man of the UMU. Well, now he’s coming to the regular Marvel U. And he’ll be just one Spider-Person among a deluge of clones, dumb asses, Doc Ock, and others. This has me significantly bummed.

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I don’t read Aquaman. Even with this latest development, I will not read Aquaman. Still though, I’m happy as shit that they’re finally doing the King of the Fishies proper and giving him his beard back.

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Gerard the Robot was in the midst of a mid-life crisis.

His wife was bangin’ the milkman. She hadn’t admitted to it, but she didn’t have to. Every time that Gerard came home from a double-shift or an overnight — he was a nurse at the most prestigious hospital in Town — the fridge’d be full of dairy. And while Gerard knew that Georgiette and L’il Henry enjoyed their morning bowls of cereal, there was no reasonable explanation for why the fridge was teeming with bovine.

A half gallon of skim. Three glass bottles of 2%. A carafe of heavy cream.

But most unsettling of all was the glow on his wife’s face. There was a rosy-hue, a vivacious scarlet dancing upon her cheeks that he’d only seen after they’d made love. She’d claim she’d spent the day in the sun or was just feeling under the weather, but he knew why there was blood in her cheeks. It was because she was satisfied.

And it wasn’t Gerard that was satisfying her.

See, Gerard’s pneumatic organ had broken down nearly half a year ago. If he was a human, he’d have gone to the doctor for an embarrassing appointment and walked out with a prescription for Triumph Pills. But as a robot, Gerard had to order a new part. Which normally wouldn’t be a problem. However, Gerard was an import, and with the all the trade sanctions being tossed around, he was having a real hard time.

Which is ironic, given that all Gerard wanted was a real hard time.

This is tomorrow’s mid-life crisis. A fridge full of milk. A wife full of the milkman. And a robot-eunuch weeping at the kitchen table.

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Welcome to the Monday Morning Commute! This is OL’s weekly venue for celebrating the entertainment that helps us survive the workweek! First, I’m going to show you the various ways I’ll be staving off bad-vibes and responsibilities! Then, y’all hit up the comments section and offer your own suggestions. This is Internet-based show-and-tell for the nerds and geeks and dweebs who aren’t afraid to wear their hearts on their sleeves!

Okay, let’s dance!

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Some claim that a mark of great art is that it conveys the creator’s enthusiasm.

If this is the case, then there’s no doubt that Ulises Farinas is one of comics’ greatest rising stars. Never heard of him? Oh, I hadn’t either, that is until I read his mindblowing GAMMA. In addition to its incredible art, compelling story, and ability to mash-up varied staples of nerdlore into one booty-shakin’ remix, GAMMA kills the reader with its passion. After reading this one-shot, I knew that I’d just discovered an artist who is truly excited to wake up and create!

And in a world inundated with paint-by-numbers, just-get-the-job-done entertainment, coming across something with a bit of zest and gusto is always refreshing.

In fact I was so won over by GAMMA that I immediately began scouring for more Ulises Farinas art. But my nerd-appetite wasn’t sated, and I hungered for more. As such, I thought I’d go directly to the gamma-powered source and ask for an interview. To the delight of all passengers aboard Spaceship OL, my questions were answered!

Hit the hyperspace jump and check out an interview with Ulises Farinas, an artist who bows to no one and bumps Rick Ross!

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Zack Roper ain’t nobody to fuck with! I don’t know that for certain, okay? So don’t test my claim by charging him lit to the tits on alcoholc, bravery, and squishy Hulk hands. But I’m fairly certain the Italian art teacher in question does rule. If these mash-ups are any indication.

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Zack Snyder’s BEST BRO FRANK MILLER may be eating burgers with him and chatting about whatever the next glob of goo Snyder is going to squat out next. However whilst that is going on, Miller’s second cover for Dark Guy Beats Superman I Get It, I Get It is selling for a lot of goddamn money. A lot.

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There’s no denyin’ that some creators are only interested in treadin’ water.

Once a successful formula has been stumbled upon – whether it’s a character arc, chord progression, or secret ingredient – it’s relied upon indefinitely. To some minds, there’s simply nothing wrong with rehashin’ the same material over and over and over again. In fact, some creators suggest that to stray too far from the tried and true is to do a great disservice, that the fans’re expectin’ something that resembles the work with which they originally fell in love.

These sorts of creative types grow like weeds in the comic book community. Think of how many careers have been made on the backs of characters created in previous decades. Again, some culpability may rest in the readership, which devours comics more for its comfort-food properties than its potential for innovation. But at the root of this issue is that there’s no shortage of creators who only want to relive past glories.

Fortunately, there’s always Warren Ellis.

Warren Ellis has the reputation of being a mind-pilot who of self-navigates the course of his own career. In addition to penning some of the most aspirational pieces in the comics medium (Planetary is just one example) and presaging scientific innovation (Spider Jerusalem was rockin’ Google Glass back in `97), Ellis has always made a point to explore other media forms. Most notably, Ellis has followed paths that have led to essays, novels, and television projects.

With this week’s release of Dead Pig Collector, Warren Ellis has given zero fucks unrelated to forward-thinking.

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Hnng. Fiona Staples artwork is lovely. Dare I say, nonpareil? I just wanted to use that word. Probably incorrectly, too. So uh whatever. Anyways! There is an article in Time Magazine about Saga, and the brilliant Staples cut a little bit of awesome artwork for the commemoration.

It’s totally the berries.

Hit the jump to check for the full image. Plus! More info.

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