#So These Are Comic Books
Variant Covers: Ignite The Brandon Graham 2K12 Mindwarp!
Variant Covers. This is the venue for me to wank to the comic books dropping in a particular week that I’m interested in. It’s generally capes heavy, because when I was younger I myself was heavy. As always, you folk are encouraged to share the shit you’re checking out this week. Peep the deets at ComicsList. It’s show and tell without the creepy Uncle and lollipops. Bummer about the lollipops, agreed.
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Variant Covers: It Ain’t Wrong If The Vegetable Loves You Back.
There are comic books coming out tomorrow, which can mean only one thing. Actually, it can mean a lot of things. The you factor into the geek wet dream of a Multiverse and it can mean…literally an infinite amount of things. One!, one of the things it means is that I’m here. In front of Microsoft Word. I am charged with bringing you the list of comic books I’m looking forward to this fine Wednesday. It’s a small charge, one I am capable of answering. My fat brain is filled with too many capes, not enough indies. A smattering of quasi-smaller publishings by actually relatively large companies like Image and Dark Horse.
Whatever the case, whatever the case. My taste is poor, I’m sure yours is better. So when I’m done mash-mash-mashing away on the keyboard and you have engaged in ultimate altruism and answered the bell by reading this mess, I implore you: share the comics you’re buying this week. Share them right up.
Variant Covers: Ring In The Year With Monsters, Dames and Defenders.
It’s the beginning of the fucking New Year, and I can’t think of a better way to drag the Year of Mayan Doom slithering into the world than with some comic books. Fuck if we like our myths and narratives and actions of creation, let us slather it in some sequential artwork and the occasional uncomfortably inappropriate latex-sliding-up-ass panel of horndog High Heaven.
Let us do it together in this Year of Advancing Oblivion. These are the comic books I’m feeling this week. Interested In. Intrigued By. What are you picking up?
Variant Covers: Get Friggin’ Drunk, Batman’s Black Hole Is Coming.
Glory be to you, comic book friends. It’s 10:42 on Tuesday evening as I burp this out of a chemical-coated caffeine ravaged mind, and I’m writing it with a bit of a grin. ‘Tis the season for days off and leisurely loitering as we go into a collective slumber until January 2. How are you? Not rhetorical, how you doing? Hit me. This is Variant Covers, the comics column where I talk about this week’s releases that I’m either snagging, wish I was snagging, or am curious about. Per usual drop a line on what you’re digging, I’m always looking for new hotness in my greasy mitts.
Let’s party.
Variant Covers: Stretch Your Stocking With Some Hardcover
I’m covered in peanut butter. Even my big toe. I dropped that shit and lacking the wherewithal to pick it up I just sort of smudged my big toe round and round. Grinding the peanut butter into the floor and praying that the Better Half doesn’t find it. I tell you this, because this is the environment I’m churning out this disaster in. It’s Tuesday evening, and the Black Hole of End of Semester is sucking what is left of my sanity into its gaping chasm. Freudian imagery or something. Gape! Gape! One of my few insanity repellants left are the funny rags I’ll be snagging and snacking on tomorrow. In a desolate world filled with deadlines, here are the comic books I’m holding to my charred bosom in hopes of feeling something tomorrow.
Variant Covers: Wolverine’s Vomiting Apple Pie On Grandpa
Gobble, gobble, gobble! How’s it going? We’re getting ready to celebrate LOL Sucker Indians Day! You know the one I talk about! We show thanks for everything by generally behaving like we really don’t appreciate anything. Packing in an inordinate amount of food, telling Uncle Steve he better pass that fucking drum stick, and then smashing Old Ladies in the nose for a good Black Friday deal.
Makes the human spirit sing!
Thankfully we have mofuckin’ comic books to hide within. Crack the spine, it shall provide an escape.
What are you reading this week?
Variant Covers: Hulk Smash Puny Pencilers.
In the dismal dusk that accompanies every earlier falling light comes the opportunity to snuggle up with a comic book. Pull the blankets over yourself, dust the Chez-It crumbs off your chest and get your funnies on. As the Earth tilts slightly, ever so slightly, the temperature here on the Eastern seaboard dips. Not even climate change can prevent that. With the dip and the tilt comes the desire to over-analyze panels of Iron Man’s remarkably phallic repulsor rays rocketing off Thor’s chiseled chest. By myself. With you. Don’t matter.
Variant Covers. My pull-list for the week.
Variant Covers: Wolverine’s Drunk And Beast Is Wearing A Red Wig
We’re shortly enclosing on the witching hour, the feast of October. The ephemeral time where the membrane between the expired and the wind-sucking melts before our eyes, unleashing torrents of evil and scares upon us. That ain’t the half of it either, dude. Motherfuckin’ candy up in the bitch and rotten teeth and syringes in the bags of your children. It’s dangerous out there! Stay inside. Read some funny books.
This is Variant Covers. The rags I’m stoked on this week. Share your pull-list after the spiel ends.
Variant Covers: Thor and Odin Fight For The Hammer-Penis. The Conclusion!
While I’m writing this — assuredly not while you’re reading this — I’m sitting in a desolate café room on campus cranking out this column. Thinking of tomorrow, of comic books, of narrative-image fusion. Momentary escape. Fuck I love the funny books. I love sitting here, a momentary reprieve in a ten-hour day writing about them.
This is Variant Covers.
I’m Caffeine Powered.
These are the books I’m interested in this week.
