Hello there, dear readers. Welcome again to Cage Match, the innernet’s only column solely concerned with Nicolas Cage. We want what you want: to be able to catch up with Cage without having to scour the world wide bowels of information. So, you’re welcome.

This week there’s some new Drive Angry goods: an international trailer and an interview with director Patrick Lussier. There’s also some info on Cage’s planned trip to India and a Blu-Ray release date for a classic early Cage flick.

I apologize for the lack of insight and fart jokes this week, we here at Cage Match HQ are caught up in the holiday rush and have to catch a plane to the Garden State in a little bit. Here’s hoping your holidays are filled with family, friends, laughs, and CAGE!

UK International Drive Angry Trailer; Get Behind Nic Cage, Devil

Put your jealousy caps on, you stinking limeys, Summit Entertainment has dropped the UK International trailer for Drive Angry. It seems we not only won our independence from your taxing, pig King George III, we also won the privilege of seeing Nicolas Cage movies two weeks before you redcoats.

I’m pretty stoked for this one. It looks balls-out ridiculous and for chrissakes it’s the first time Nic Cage is in 3D. Now I care about 3D.

Drive Angry Director Talks Drive Angry

In an interview with MovieFone, director Patrick Lussier talks about collaborating with Cage, his reboot of the Hellraiser series, and what it’s like to destroy s many classic cars. On the subject of Cage, Lussier says:

One of the key things for Nic when we were talking about the movie was specifically how he’d play stricter in terms of the tone of the character. Working within that framework, which he loved — he said he’d never played a character that was this hard and this cold and this relentless. And even within that, Nic found the humanity of the character and brought it out; even more-so than on the page. He really found the human charm of this murderer that you root for and made him positively likeable, which was really key in bringing him to the story.

India Is About to Get Awesome

The Times of India reports that Cage is heading to India in January to promote The Season of the Witch. India is a huge market that remains relatively untapped by Hollywood. Cage’s visit is an attempt to begin chipping away at that market. There’s already a language barrier, so I’m sure Cage spouting off his usual esoteric musings mixed with samurai philosophy is bound to blow the roof off India.

Moonstruck Coming to Blu-Ray in February 2011

Now you can relieve the amazing “I lost my hand” in gorgeous Blu-Ray. The classic Cage/Cher collabo from 1987 is coming to Blu-Ray on Feb. 15, 2011.

Before he became the junior welterweight champion, Micky Ward (Mark Wahlberg) had to fight his magnificently dysfunctional family. His mother and manager, Alice (Melissa Leo), seemed to only book him mismatched fights that led to an ass whooping. Dicky (Christian Bale), his half-brother and trainer, is a motor-mouthed crackhead who used to be the “pride of Lowell, MA.” Once upon a time he went toe-to-toe with Sugar Ray Leonard and managed to knock him down. Micky also has six sisters that echo his mother from the sidelines like an ugly and unwelcome Greek chorus. This is his family. When outside forces tell Micky that his family is holding him back and retarding his dreams, Micky’s only reply is “It’s my family!”

His attitude begins to change when he falls for a potty-mouthed barmaid named Charlene (Amy Adams) who suggests finding a new trainer; someone who isn’t high 24/7 and can actually spar. After about an hour of family infighting, actual training, and exceptional Boston accents, Micky gets his title shot. And the crowd rejoiced.

It’s the tried and true formula of an underdog boxing movie: the fighter has to overcome something out of the ring before he can dominate within it. David O. Russell‘s The Fighter, based on Ward’s true story, really never strays from this worn path, although there’s a few factors that keep it from feeling too played out. The acting is terrific across the board, except for Bale who is downright amazing. And the fights are shot like an actual televised event — ESPN style. They even used that specific film stock for the bouts.

I love Wahlberg and he’s great as Micky, but he takes a backseat to the other actors in The Fighter. Not because he puts in a sub-par performance, I just think that Micky was that kind of dude. He would stay quiet and do his best to shrug off his shitty family. Melissa Leo (Frozen River) turn out an intense performance as the territorial mother who doesn’t want some “slutty, MTV girl” moving in on her son. As said slut, Amy Adams busts out of the image I’ve had of her since Enchanted. She plays a hardboiled Boston chick with ease. But Bale. Whoa. He’s a chameleon once again and delivers the most moving junkie performance since Bubbles. He also serves as the main source of comic relief. A-yuk.

In the end, the awesome performances don’t save The Fighter from being a mediocre boxing movie with not that much going on. Wait for it on Netflix.

Bonus: Enjoy the “Not You” viral video above!

This review originally appeared on the Mishka Bloglin. Patrick reviews movies on there under the nom de plume Oh Mars.

From left to right: Ron Howard, Steven Spielberg, Martin Scorsese, Brian De Palma, George Lucas, Robert Zemeckis, and Coppola

Yesterday was Spielberg’s 64th birthday and the HollywoodReporter posted this photo from George Lucas’ 50th birthday party. Makes sense.

I love how everyone is dressed up except for De Palma. He totally photobombed them. It’s like he doesn’t really like Lucas but heard there was going to be free booze. What’s so funny, Ron Howard?! Sweet tie, Lucas. Coppola’s such a lush.

For the second Christmas Creep in a row, I’m putting my foot in my mouth. When I pitched the Creep to the fearless leaders of OL, I told them I would be writing up the shittiest, most painful Christmas specials/movies. Like Icarus, I flew too close to the sun and blew my load on the premiere installment, Christmas With the Turtles. Is that like Icarus? It doesn’t matter. What I mean is that after that first article, I keep accidentally watching AWESOME Christmas jams! It’s a Christmas miracle (which I didn’t think was possible since I’m engaged to a Jew). Earlier this week I enjoyed the hell out of Max Headroom’s Giant X-Mas Turkey and yesterday, over a Diet Coke and toast, Santa With Muscles (1996) tickled my bad-good movie bone. And my pecs.

Hulk Hogan plays a militaristic, millionaire grinch who gets knocked out during a mall debacle and wakes up thinking he’s Santa. He befriends the residents of an orphanage – including a 13-year-old Mila Kunis – and helps them wreck some plot by nefarious developers to shut down their facility. Along the way there’s singing, inept figt scenes, and explosive crystals. Yes, explosive crystals. Needless to say, it’s awesome.

Directed by John Murlowski, a volunteer at the Los Angeles Suicide Prevention Center hotline *record scratch* Say wha? Hold up. I’m sure his noble activity as a suicide hotline volunteer has nothing to do with shame over the films he’s directed. Moving on, this movie is the perfect storm of ’90s cheese with a Hulkamania cherry on top. Hogan was on fire in the first half of the ’90s. Suburban Commando, Mr. Nanny, and the Thunder in Paradise trilogy. Near the tail-end of this streak is Santa With Muscles, his movie-fart swan song, so to speak.

The “film” also stars Ed Begley, Jr. as an evil scientist and Clint Howard as a mall cop. As mentioned earlier, a 13-year-old Mila Kunis plays an orphan and in a weird twist of TV Fate, her future castmate on That ’70s Show Don Stark plays Lenny the Elf. Fellow WWF superstar Brutus the Barber Beefcake has an entirely too brief cameo as a thug but it’s Hogan who carries this turd on his shoulders like Atlas. And Icarus. Atlas and Icarus. I guess

This might be the perfect Christmas Hangover movie. There’s enough cheese to enjoy and enough crap to enjoy heckling with your pals. Consider hunting this down online before you channel surf for some more traditional X-Mas flick.

WARNING: Performing an image search for “santa with muscles” will open up a Pandora’s Box of porn that I’m guessing does not fall into our readers’ preferred spank material.

Sorry to turn OL into a gossip rag for a minute but this is too good. Magnolia Pictures threw its holiday party last night at the IFC Center in NYC and it appears that one of the center’s employees is not a fan of indie-horror filmmaker Ti West. It’s reported that an employee exchanged words with West, allegedly calling him an “egotistical prick.” He then proceeded to pour his beer on West, which is something you just don’t do to anyone. West punched the employee in his smart face, breaking his nose.

This information comes from Devin at BadassDigest, who read a tweet this morning that led him on a hunt to find out what happened. Not that many details have surfaced yet but West was apparently stunned at his own strength. The blood-covered employee was taken to a nearby hospital.

Maybe the sucker is one of the many people who think West is overrated and that his movies have miserable pacing. I’m not one of those turkeys. West’s House of the Devil was one of my favorites of 2009 and a terrific homage to classic, slow-burning terror like Rosemary’s Baby and The Exorcist. His 2007 thriller Trigger Man has a third act that will keep your ass clenched until the credits roll. The Innkeepers, West’s latest, comes out sometime next year and at 30-years-old it’s scary to think how bright this kid’s future is. Oh, he also sports the GREATEST IMDB profile picture in history.

Hopefully that glass-jawed employee doesn’t press charges and they can settle like this men; over a beer and a handshake. On a related note, tune into OL tomorrow evening for my review of The Fighter!

Welcome back, carnivores of taste, to another edition of Cage Match, the only weekly column in the universe completely dedicated to Nicolas Cage. In last week’s exciting episode, we were visited by Mr. Cage’s brother, Christopher Coppola. We were honored to have Mr. Coppola, aka the DigiVangelist, who visited our comments section and turned out to be even cooler than he looks in his pictures. That was definitely a watershed moment in my fandom.

But let’s stay grounded and get back to the task at hand: reporting awesome Nic Cage related shit. The biggest nugget dropped yesterday when a video hit the net of Cage exhibiting some real-life Cage Rage outside of a nightclub in Bucharest. I’ve heard people yell some pretty wild shit when they get furious, but Cage takes it to another level. He could have been a speech writer for the Ultimate Warrior. There’s some more Season of the Witch clips, the lowdown on a confirmed new role, and tax drama, Cage-style!

Real Life Cage Rage Outside of a Bucharest Nightclub

If you thought his on-screen insanity was impressive, you should see how Cage throws down in real life. He’s in Romania finishing up photography on Ghostrider 2 and a couple days ago he verbally bitch slapped a man outside of a Bucharest nightclub. By “bitch slap” I mean he went on a tirade and yelled things like:

“You know it! So do not try to escape! Otherwise, you kill me? F**k you! I die in honor! I could die right now! Want to hit me?”

“Look in my eyes! I’m not a liar! That man is a liar!”

“Get in the car! I’ll die in the name of honor!”

…and people say chivalry is dead. No reports yet on what set Cage off but the guy probably deserved it. Now, will some computer savvy individual please re-edit the classic Cage Rage video to include this song. (via FilmDrunk)

Mo’ Cage news after the break!

Keep Reading »

Hope your sitting down AND buckled up because the first trailer for next year’s Fast & Furious is online. Yesterday, Caffeine Powered posted on my Facebook the homoerotic promo photo of Dwayne Johnson and Vin Diesel staring each other down. Just when I thought I recovered from that testosterone sandwich, they release the first trailer. Boom! Not only are Vin Diesel and Paul Walker back once again, but Tyrese and Ludacris are up in this bitch as well. I hope they make Tyrese eat everything in sight again, like in the second one.

The movie is officially title Fast Five, which kinda sucks. Let’s brainstorm other titles so I can avoid writing any actual insight on the trailer. Hmmm…5ast & 5urious. Too edgy? How about Fast & Furious V: Axe Body Spray. Nah, too commercial. I give up. This is still gearing up to be the best worst movie of 2011. With NoS.

Max Headroom is one of the most bizarre creations imported to American television in our lifetime. He poked his unholy prosthetic head onto Cinemax in 1986 by way of British TV and quickly began stuttering his way to stardom. Headroom (played by Matt Frewer – who portrayed Moloch in Watchmen) actually has a pretty sweet backstory. I barely remembered what he was all about, but after watching his awesome Christmas special I did some Wiki research. It’s like the best cyberpunk tale never written by William Gibson:

The film introduces Edison Carter (Matt Frewer), a television reporter trying to expose corruption and greed. In the movie, reporter Carter discovers that his employer, Network 23, has created a new form of subliminal advertising (termed “blip-verts”) that can be fatal to certain viewers.

While attempting to flee the network headquarters with proof, Edison suffers a serious head injury, caused by striking a low-clearance sign labeled “Max. Headroom”. Believing him killed, the network’s chief executive orders Bryce Lynch, an adolescent genius working as a scientist for Network 23, to digitally record Carter’s mind. The recording will then be used to create a computer-based replacement for Carter in order to hide his death.

It only gets b-b-better, folks, and I’ll tie this all into Christmas after the break!

Keep Reading »

There have been a few unique monster movies in recent years. The Host, Cloverfield, and Gooby come to mind. Now Monsters, an “indie,” comes out of left field. Shot on a meager budget (less than $500,000) on location in Mexico, Costa Rica, and Guatemala, Monsters is a testament to what can be accomplished with limited resources by a determined and creative filmmaker. Dashing Brit Gareth Edwards not only wrote and directed Monsters, he also storyboarded and filmed the entire thing. And when he was done with that, he created all of the impressive special effects using Adobe. The result is a fresh approach to the genre — one light on exploitation and that focuses more on relationships and politics.

In the not too distant future, a NASA probe lands near the U.S.-Mexico border. This spreads alien life throughout the region, forcing a quarantine of half of Mexico, now known as the Infected Zone. The U.S. throws up an enormous wall on the border to keep the aliens inside Mexico and out of America. The U.S. military conducts expensive bombing of areas in hopes of destroying these aliens that may or may not be a threat. Sound familiar, nudge, nudge? A brash, young photojournalist named Andrew is assigned by his wealthy boss to bring his daughter, Samantha, back into the U.S. Their journey back to the States takes them through the Infected Zone by foot, boat, and, finally, by U.S. military transport. It’s a treacherous road the whole way but that does nothing to thwart the blossoming romance between our travelers. Miraculously, the romantic plot manages to avoid cliche in the hands of Edwards.

During their journey, we see glimpses of the monsters and hear them moaning woefully in the night. Yeah, they sound sad. You’d be bummed too if you just wanted to coexist but people where flinging missiles at you all the time. There is, in fact, a strong vibe of melancholy throughout the entire film. From the beautiful shots of the landscape to the dialogue between Andrew and Samantha. Even when they get to spend a night partying in Mexico it’s like being in the doldrums. No one is happy with their situation: not Andrew, not Samantha, and certainly not the monsters.

One thing to be happy about is the design of the monsters. They’re pulled right out of the pages of Lovecraft with squid-like attributes nodding towards Cthulhu. They disperse a toxic gas when killed, hence the popular use of gas masks. Godzilla, Mothra, and that Coverfield thingy may be bigger and more ferocious than the beasts in Monsters, but these guys have more personality. They’re like jaded hipster monsters.

It’s Edward’s low-key approach to the genre that holds your attention throughout the film. It’s not necessarily suspense that grips us — we know there are monsters in the jungle, but we never really feel threatened by them — it’s the film’s unconventional way at looking at the human condition and relationships. Did that sound corny and cliche? My bad. But if you’re looking for something different and seriously original, check out Monsters.

Kick it! The 2011 Sundance Film Festival kicks off on January 20th and one short film is already being called a “must-see.” Directed by Adam Yauch (MCA) of the Beastie Boys, Fight For Your Right Revisited is a look at the making of the classic video. That in itself would be awesome, but what’s really creating buzz for the short is the cast. Seth Rogen as Mike D, Elijah Wood as Ad-Rock, and Danny McBride as MCA. That’s them from left to right in the photo. John C. Reilly, Jack Black, and Will Ferrell also star, probably as party goers. Hell yes.

The short promises to look at what happens when “the party’s over.” That’s all the information Yauch has revealed so far, but the cast list alone is enough to get pumped about. I’m most excited about seeing Frodo in the mix. Seeing how he plays off of McBride and Reilly is going to be a treat. (via MovieFone)